So Many Things

After a vacation, reality hits in a huge way. Getting back into the swing of life takes some time. Our vacation to Florida was truly one of the first times in a very long time that we were truly away from everything. No work email, no conference calls, nobody pulling my husband from one end to the other.

Now we face the many things in our lives that need attention.

The kids school
The work emails and tasks to complete
The hubs and "Lance" going to Albuquerque once a week for Boy Choir rehearsals
Writing for the newspaper (my little freelance gig)
Finding a Bible Study for the fall
Getting ready to start my Seminary classes again
Upcoming business trips
A speaking gig in October
Finding that quality time with God everyday

Why has that been so hard for me? To find my quality time with Christ? To stop and devote part of my day to the One who has blessed me beyond measure?

It's almost as if I am afraid.

Sometimes I think that I am not worthy of Christ giving me time. That I am not important enough. Sound familiar? The "unworthy" feeling?

I know Christ loves me more than I can begin to imagine. It's a love that is deep, real and passionate.

When we are blessed beyond measure and things are going well, it's easy to feel as if we don't need that time in devotion to Christ. That's when we need to be in full connection with the Creator of the Universe.

We tend to forget that at the snap of our fingers, our lives can change.

The next time my fingers snap, I want to know that my relationship with Him is in place. A relationship filled with friendship and an undying love for each other.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. Frozen hamburgers to throw on the grill
2. My new Blackberry (for work)
3. Patient colleagues
4. A little less humidity
5. An early shower

When You Wish...part 2

We are some tired puppies! Day two of theme parks completed! I was worried about "Christian" keeping up with his ankle problems, but so far so good. Roller coasters, simulated rides, Hogwarts...we are having a great time:) We sat down to dinner tonight (at the Give the Kids the World Village) and a huge revelation came over me. My family's biggest worry is how to get in all of the rides and attractions we want to see in the next few days (while avoiding the possible hurricane) and sitting next to us at dinner is a family with a child who is a parapalegic. Another child in the dining room is wearing a leg brace with a strap around her waist for someone to assist her as she walks and other children are wearing caps over their hairless little heads. They have and are continuing to struggle.

Yes, my Christian and Lance have their struggles too, but I will take our struggles any day and make the best of what each day brings.

Each member of my family can walk, sweat and keep up with each other while enjoying ourselves. And when we need to slow down, we do. We love each other like no one else possibly could. This "wish" trip has given me the opportunity to see true, pure joy on the faces of my children. That is a huge gift. It is something I haven't slowed down enough to see lately...and I am grateful.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. Rain
2. Soft, chocolate chip cookies
3. A racing heart (after a thrill ride)
4. Bright colors
5. Swimming pools

When You Wish....part 1

Did you ever wish upon a star? Maybe you looked up in the night sky, saw that special twinkle in the night, and wished for something...to be famous, for a new television, to have a talent like none other.

Sometimes our wishes are big (maybe they even qualify for big dreams) and other times they are simple and unassuming.

Children with chronic illnesses struggle in so many ways and there is an organization called "Make a Wish" that helps to grant these children's wishes.

My "Christian" was referred by a member of our hemophilia treatment center and we are now in our "villa" at the "Give Kids the World" resort in Kissimmee, Florida. It is absolutely unbelievable. Not just the fact that our family is here, but the love that has been shown to us by complete strangers. At this resort, you are treated like kings and queens and for a moment in time, your child is "given the world" and in this case, "the world of Disney."

Some of these families have never been on this kind of trip and would possibly never have the opportunity to take this kind of trip. You have absolutely no worries about getting from one place to the other, food, entertainment, the whole bit.

Another amazing thing is that is takes over 1,500 volunteer time slots for one week to make the "GKTW" Village run. These people are giving their time to make our family have an experience we will never forget.

Sometimes it's just too much to accept and let sink in.

Hope

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13

Lately I've felt a little "hope" less. Not exactly sure why, because so many things are going well, but for the first time in a long time I am seeing glimmers of hope.

The funny thing is, is that it's not even been my depression that has sucked the hope out of me, I think it's just been complacency. Day in, day out. Off to work, back home to cook dinner, clean the kitchen, kids in the bath, etc. Sometimes I forget to see the beauty in each day.

It's that same complacency that has taken me away from my daily time with God. My life was always better when my daily quiet time was a priority. It's something I am trying to find my way back to.

I am looking forward to some time off with my family. We are getting ready to leave town to work a charity golf tournament and then off to Disneyworld! I am expecting to have some well needed, quality time with my family.

Blessings to you all. I'll be back soon.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. Short, short hair!
2. Pencil lead
3. Baskets of laundry
4. Expectations
5. surrender

Feeling Cold

No, it's not cool where I live, quite the opposite. Living in the desert with a swamp cooler during monsoon season is not enjoyable. I am pretty tired of the heat and our family is going to Florida on vacation in 12 days! I am ready for winter. I want to wear fleece and sweatpants and my fuzzy boots. It's a nice thought, but quite a ways off.

My spiritual life is what I call "cold" right now. It's kinda freakin' me out. My "Christian" has been in the hospital and I did not spend time in prayer throughout even as difficult a time as it was. Work is going very well, I am writing a monthly column for the local paper and writing some freelance pieces (and getting paid for them), we are going on a trip to Disneyworld in 12 days as part of the Make-a-Wish program….I have a lot going for me and my family, yet I have a coldness where my faith and spiritual life is concerned.

Usually someone will go about their life, all is well, and they forget to give thanks to the Creator...until something bad happens. Then all of a sudden they are on their knees pleading with the Creator to help them. I don't know why I am in this place. I know one thing for sure is that I don't like it. I know that I am in a place that can become dark and lonely.

I need to find my way back to the presence of God.

On Facebook this evening, one of my friends wrote, "I'm not perfect, but Jesus thinks I'm to die for."

Jesus revels in our presence as much as we do His. Each and every one of us.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. finished projects
2. our new dog, Betty
3. fans
4. cold showers
5. padded envelopes

Not the Best Idea

I am no good without my family together.

The hubs and "Christian" are still in the hospital (he took over on Tuesday evening) and me and "Lance" are here at home. Lance is finishing up his 9th grade year online and I am trying desperately to catch up with work. I spent 6 days at the hospital and welcomed the break, but my heart is with him, two hours away.

I can't stand being without my guys all together.

What seemed to be the practical, sensible choice, has turned into sadness for me. I know there is nothing I can do sitting in the hospital, but I can be there to comfort my son when he is being poked while searching for an IV. I can go with him to the playroom and take him for walks to keep him occupied. I know my husband is doing all of those things, but I miss them terribly.

Our mojo is completely thrown off.

Christian is supposed to come home tomorrow.

I can't wait to hug their guts :)

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. Skype
2. New cabinet doors
3. Old movies
4. Postage meters
5. Rearranging furniture

The Mind Is a Terrible Thing.....

I am sitting here in the hopsital, day number 4, and we are not leaving until Friday. I am feeling sorry for myself. Guilty for missing so much work this year (I used quite a bit of sick time for myself and my "Christian") and worried about perceptions at my work. My husband and "Lance" are teaching a camp and have no replacements, so I have to be the one at the hospital with Christian.

I just went to get ice for my drink down the hall and in the nourishment room was another mom. She was very friendly, said hello, asked how my day was and I mentioned that all was well and we were staying longer than imagined. She said, "Yes, I understand. We have been here 3 1/2 weeks……."

That's when I wanted to slap myself.

I am on a floor with very, sick children. A 6 month old passed away over the weekend. I thank God for my Christian and that he is doing well. We are here mainly for precautions, not severe complications from his surgery. I think I needed some perspective and God delivered it through that mom.

When you are alone in a hospital room with a five year old, your mind can wander and make more of situations than they actually are. You can destroy relationships and imagine the worst in a matter of minutes.

All I can say, is that I have to do the next right thing.

I have to remember that the God of the Universe loves me just the way I am.

I have to remember that there will always be work to do, but the moments we have caring for our children will slip away in an instant.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. warm socks
2. playrooms
3. styrofoam cups
4. trays
5. ice machines