Wednesday, July 29, 2009


I am not in a good place. On our way back from Houston, we stopped to eat in El Paso and our car was broken into. Our laptops and my purse were stolen. It's just a sickening feeling.

You hear of people saying "Oh, you feel so violated." Well, it's true. You don't understand that until it happens to you.

It sounds silly, but when you have your life on your laptop and in your wallet, and you know it's in someone else's hands, it's just creepy. (Even if everything is password protected).

I have a daily calendar from the "Touched By An Angel" series that has a saying from the show for each day. When I picked it up to catch up, the saying read...

"Who you are isn't measured by what's in your wallet, but by what's in your soul."

Isn't that the truth? I mean, no, it's a real pain to close bank accounts, file police reports, and insurance, but at least when you have the resources, you are blessed to be able to replace things.

My prayer is that whomever gets into my laptop will see that Christ was important to its original owner. Maybe they will want to know more about Him.

I know all things happen for reasons unknown to us, I just hope that my things will be a blessing to someone in the end.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. My son's "junker laptop"
2. insurance
3. a night of bowling
4. pizza
5. my family being safe

Thursday, July 23, 2009

New Every Morning

A brand, new spiral notebook (because I need another brand, new spiral notebook). A fresh start. A clean slate. It's the notion that nothing bad from your past is taken into account. Today is a new day.

"God's loyal love couldn't have run out,
his merciful love couldn't have dried up.
They're created new every morning.
How great your faithfulness!
I'm sticking with God (I say it over and over).
He's all I've got left!"
Lamentations 3:22-24 The Message

What do we do with a "clean slate?" Do we truly start over every day? I can easily equate this with my never ending self care (do you notice I didn't just say D-I-E-T-?). If my present day ends in overeating or not exercising...there's always tomorrow. Right?

If we are blessed enough to wake up yet another day, then God is not through with us yet. Do we truly use that next day to the best of our ability or do we live in the mistakes of our past? I tend to not let go. I beat myself up and in the bludgeoning I am missing out. Missing out on the best life that God has blessed me with. Missing out on being a blessing not just to myself, but to others. And, being a blessing to Him.

What is holding you back from accepting the gift of a new day filled with grace?

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. Origins Ginger Souffle
2. straws
3. former students
4. a great mattress
5. a dead laptop

Tuesday, July 21, 2009


Comparisons can eat you alive.

As a woman in this day and age, we so often look at the women in the public eye and start to compare ourselves to images that are impossible to attain. Airbrushed images of models, way too skinny women, and way too perfect hair. It never ends.

I know that God loves me the way I am right at this moment. He doesn't make mistakes.

Have you ever been in public and noticed someone who may not be dressed to "your standard" or who was extremely overweight? Or maybe even someone who looked "perfect" and you start to pass judgement?

I caught myself doing that recently. Why is it that we do that? "At least I am thinner than she is.....I would never wear that in public, she looks terrible....How can they dress their children that way?" And the vile words can go on and on.

I think Satan just knows how to get the best of us all the time. He knows our weaknesses and knows where we feel of the least worth.

The truth is, God loves the woman who is extremely overweight...He loves the woman who is scantily dressed with tatoos covering her body...He loves me, the sinner, who feels of little worth and knows when I am criticizing that I am hurting inside.

"Father, God, forgive me for comparing and criticizing. I want to be an oozer and I fall short of the mark daily. I want your love to shine through me in all that I do. I want to have a heart that will give everything up in the name of love and grace. Amen"

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. rain
2. my extra weight
3. stepping "out of the box"
4. family
5. the quiet of a library

Monday, July 20, 2009


Joy - "the emotion evoked by well being, success or good fortune or by the prospect of possessing what one desires"

Today I experienced an amazing amount of joy through the eyes of my three year old.

We are visiting my mother-in-law in Houston and we took off on an adventure to the Aquarium. We had a wonderful lunch surrounded by large aquariums filled with every kind of fish you could imagine. Our day continued with a train ride, carousel ride, adventure through a shark tank and finished with time in the dancing waters.

I was able to ignore the heat and humidity (I am soooo acclimated to the dry desert), the sweat dripping down my face, the annoying man spraying everyone waiting in line with a water gun and the long lines to see life through the eyes of my little one.

The ant that was crawling on the ground while we were waiting in line, the big, green eel in the fish tank, the excitement of the train was joyous! I was able, for the first time in a long time, to ignore the trappings of everyday life and just enjoy the moments.

We get so caught up in doing. Do we stop long enough to enjoy?

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. fish
2. excitement
3. ice cream
4. humidity
5. a cool shower

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Me, Myself & Lies

I am working through a great study called "Me, Myself & Lies" by Jennifer Rothschild.

Today's lesson was just hard hitting for me.

Jennifer's whole premise of the book is about builing our "thought closet" to represent the truths we hold of ourselves, not the negatives.

Her example today was great.

"You spot a wad of fabric near a trash can. As you approach, the stench accosts you! Even so, you pick up the nasty fabric and discover it's a woman's blouse. Hmm, you think, I wear blouses! I wouldn't have chosen this one, but here it is...So you hang it by your favorite jeans and think, I don't like this, but it's here, so I guess I'll keep it. Now the whole closet reeks and your clean, lovely clothes get dirty as you shove it in place. It has no value; but now it's yours." (from "Me, Myself & Lies" by Jennifer Rothschild)

Isn't that true of what we think of ourselves? One, stinky, untruth can destroy the library of good things that we think of ourself. "Library of good things?" you say? That's where we have to start. We often find it hard to say good, truthful things of ourselves.

Make a list. "I am....." Don't let the one, ugly thought come in and destroy your words. Don't say, "I am fat, I am ugly, I am not smart."

Remember, God made us the way we are and loves us right at this very moment, the way we are!

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. Bible Study
2. barking dogs
3. renewed passion
4. my hubby not traveling again until September!
5. preparing to send my son to camp

Monday, July 13, 2009

We All Have Something

I mentioned in an earlier post that we all have "something" in our lives that we deal with. A sick child, a broken marriage, financial problems that seem to never go away, an ill parent, a job you don't necessarily love, or even a broken relationship.

I have two children that struggle with Hemophilia. My three year old struggles the most. Even this past weekend (following his week long stay in the hospital) he had a pretty bad ankle bleed. We infuse every 2 hours, then every four hours, so it never ends.

He has to be carried to the potty, he can't walk and he just doesn't understand why.

It breaks my heart and it is exhausting. Sometimes I think I can't go on...but I do with the strength God gives me.

I think back to what someone who used to be close to me said, "You shouldn't have another child, you can barely deal with the one you have."

Those words hurt deeply. For years I thought they were true until my suprise came 10years after my oldest was born! What a joy he has been. I can't imagine life without both of my boys, hemophilia and all.

How does that saying go, "That which doesn't kill us makes us stronger." ??

I think the bottom line is that God is with us in all that we do. He is with us in every single detail of our lives. From the good to the ugly to the heart breaking.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. my marriage to a wonderful man
2. ice cream cake
3. movie night
4. dirty carpet
5. hemophilia

Monday, July 06, 2009

This Time Tomorrow....

Ah, this time tomorrow I will be in my own bed, with my own pillow. We will have ordered pizza earlier in the evening (no plans to cook) and have sat on our sofa doing some major veggin out.

I am sitting in the quiet, darkness of a hospital room, knowing that all is well with my Christian. I've been second guessing myself quite a bit..."I should have had him checked out earlier, Why didn't I go with my gut instinct", and so on. It's just the enemy playing with my head and my heart.

I sit here looking out at the lights of Albuquerque thanking God that all is well and we are going home. That we don't have to do "chemo" treatments, or stay in the hospital to heal from an accident.

Everyone has "something" to deal with. I just thank God that He has given me the strength and love to live with hemophilia.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. Cold Brew tea
2. hospital blankets
3. a night spent in a hotel
4. portable DVD players
5. fireworks

Friday, July 03, 2009

I Was Right

I recently wrote about intuition. I had known something was wrong with my little guy's port and it ended up that we didn't need to get anything checked out. It started to feel okay, so we thought all was well...and Tuesday it didn't work.

We drove to Albuquerque to get it checked out and we were admitted to the hospital. He went into surgery Wednesday and we found out his port was toast. It came out and a new one was implanted. I knew almost two weeks ago that something was wrong with it. My gut just told me.

He is doing very well, but we won't be leaving until Tuesday. Ah, the joys of "living" in the food, daytime television, the "comfort" of the guest bed, and the bored patient. (But, I was told we have one of the best views for the big fireworks show on Saturday!)

Thankfully there is a great activity center and playground to help the days go by faster now that my Christian is doing better.

I am here surrouned by children who have also had major surgeries that won't be going home anytime soon. Children with cancer, others moms who haven't been home in weeks...

I thank you, Father, God, for the blessing of my children and their medical conditions. I wouldn't trade them for the world.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. a new port
2. nurses that have answered their calling
3. wireless internet
4. crushed ice
5. our amazing hematologist

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  • Praying the Names of God, Ann Spangler
  • The Shack, William P. Young
  • Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert
  • Redeeming Love, Francine Rivers
  • Bad Girls of the Bible, Liz Curtis Higgs
  • The Mark of the Lion Triology, Francine Rivers
  • The Mitford Series, Jan Karon

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