Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Looking in the Mirror

On Oprah, Suze Orman, finanacial wonder woman, targeted a woman who was in deep financial trouble. She was being abused by her husband, physically and emotionally and he drained all of their accounts, put them in financial ruin and committed suicide.

She had no skill and four children to raise with an enormous amount of debt. She was drowning. She didn't know where to turn. That's when Suze came in. They sat and looked at the devastation in black and white and then Suze did the most awesome thing.

They went to the bathroom and Suze had the lady take her makeup off (she was all about her appearance) and Suze went right along with her and on national television, they took their makeup off. What a frightening thing for someone who never left the house without makeup.

Suze had a difficult time getting the lady to look at herself in the mirror. She said "it's not me, I don't know who I am." That's when Suze made her look at herself, without any type of mask and said "this is who you are, you are beautiful and you will get through this for yourself and your children."

Wow. What a powerful moment. I was in tears for this woman who had lost practically everything and had her resolve and dignity literally beaten out of her.

She saw truth for the first time. She saw herself.

Don't we try to dress ourselves up for the world? We work so hard at not wanting others to know that we actually may struggling. That our lives are not really as "picture perfect" as some may think.

I will admit that when I get out of the shower every night, I immediately turn my back to the mirror. I don't like the way I look. Yes, I am working very hard to get healthy, and it sure is a slow road, but I should not be ashamed of what I see.

My body gave birth to two, beautiful boys! I can walk and talk and exercise and have a good time with my family. Why should I be ashamed of what I see?

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am feafully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful. I know that full well." Psalm 139:13-14

God knows everything about us. Our heart's desires, our needs and wants and dreams. He made us in love. He loves us the way we are. Love yourself, cherish yourself and in all that you have and do, glorify God.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. conversation with my hubby in bed before the alarm
2. phone calls from old friends
3. planning a party for my son
4. peanut butter toast
5. wonderful co-workers

Monday, October 27, 2008

A New Day

I am back at work today after my depression had gotten the best of me this past week. I was pretty anxious about getting back with the routine, and after a little rough patch this morning, things have settled down.

My life verse is Isaiah 43:1, "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine." But you know, I think the best part is 43:2, "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you, When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned, the flames will not set you ablaze."

When life gets rough, I often feel as if I am drowning. That I have no way back to shore. But God will never let the rivers sweep over me. He is there for me during the roughest of times in all the fires that I find myself in...I always come out unscathed because of His love. That is an amazing thing. His love endures forever and is never judgemental. What a gift!

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. having the strength to start fresh
2. my sweet husband
3. the Word of God
4. a clean bathroom
5. ink in my printer

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Be Still Sunday


Thursday, October 23, 2008

A Really Bad Few Days

It hits suddenly. The darkness, the coldness, the shroud of depression. If you have never expereienced depression, it is very hard to understand.

"Can't you just snap out of it?"

"Go take a shower and you'll feel better."

"If your faith was stronger, you wouldn't suffer from depression."

I wish it was that easy. I've felt this setback coming, but when it hit it really scared me. I could barely care for my children.

I praise God for my sweet husband. He put me first, without condemnation, and cancelled his weekly trip to school in Denver to be with me. He forced me to do things with him and it was excruciating, but it was a victory.

Walking through the mall was the most painful thing I've done in ages. Step by step I felt as if I was going to just collapse. I put my foot one in front of the other and literally did the next right thing. It is what saved me from going to the absolute bottom of my "pit."

"I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry, He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God, Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord."Psalm 40:1-3

Our drive to the mall is about an hour, so during that hour, I slept. It wasn't a regular sleep, but a deep, outside of my body sleep. I didn't know who I was, even in my short dreams.

Today was a day of rest. I slept most of the day but it was different. I was not falling into the pit of depression, but I was recovering from my brief visit there. Every hour I continued to climb my way out.

It takes every ounce of your being to be in the pit. It still amazes me how a person can go there against their will. Depression just sucks you in. You fight, you pray and sometimes you have to visit the pit before you can get back to the surface.

I know I am on the upswing of this bout of depression. I am working with my doctor on my medications, and trying to stay in the moment with my husband and children.

Soon these few days will be nothing but a memory and I will move on to better days, one moment at a time.

Monday, October 20, 2008


I used to think my mom was crazy, when in fact she was having an anxiety attack. I mean, is that real? Do people really have attacks of anxiety?

Yes. I know. From personal experience.

Everyone get anxious about one thing or another, from time to time. But someone who suffers from anxiety can deal with attacks often. Sometimes daily, or several times a week.

I am fighting off an attack as I type this in hopes that I can pray through it and offer all I have to God.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

When I am about to take a big step in faith, anxiety will come on to me. I know it's really Satan trying to get his way with me when I have the least bit of doubt, but what I truly know is that if I am listening to God and being obedient to Him, I am moving in the right direction.

I am currently working on my marketing materials for my speaking ministry and it is all becoming real. It is really a bit put yourself out there not knowing the response you will get. But I know in my heart I am going where God is leading me.

I pray that all my actions and words will ooze Christ in all that I do.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. a vacation day
2. a clean baby blanket
3. crisp, morning air
4. my reading glasses
5. highlighters

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Be Still Sunday


Thursday, October 16, 2008


Last weekend we went to the Pumpkin Festival. It was wonderful! We went to the pumpkin patch and were able to pick our own pumpkins. My oldest helped his little brother pick a pumpkin of his own.

He hasn't let it out of his sight! It rides to daycare every morning with us, goes to church, goes to the store...he's just too precious. He always has his "Punkin" with him.

The change of seasons always brings a favorite verse to mind from Ecclesiastes:

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven...."

We know that there is a time to be born and a time to die, a time to weep and a time to laugh. We know that the seasons will change and God will bring us blessings throughout the different seasons in our lives.

Change is inevitable. My prayer for the change in seasons is that God is always first in my heart and in the hearts of those I love.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. hearing the clothes in the dryer
2. plants needing to be watered
3. the letter my mom wrote me before she passed away
4. my dogs sleeping at my feet
5. "Punkins"

Bloggy Break

I've been on a bloggy break for several days. I hadn't planned to be, but life just seemed to really be happening lately.

The last few days have been really rough. I had a situation at work that made me so upset that I have physically been sick. I hate when I get that way. The problem is that when something like that sets me off, Satan finds that opening to get at me with my depression. I see it and feel it happening, but sometimes I can't stop it.

I did have victory today though. I wanted nothing more than to call in at work and stay home in bed all day long. (It's kind of hard to do when your husband is out of town and you have to get the kids off to school :)) So, I did what I was supposed to. After they were off, I went to my desk and spent time in bible study with the Lord. I felt like a different person when I was finished. He gave me a verse today.

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13

As I was reading that verse and let it sink into me, I looked up and saw a book I haven't looked at in quite some time. Praying God's Word, by Beth Moore. It is a fantastic book where she takes scripture on several different strongholds in our lives and personalizes the scripture. She puts Romans 13:15 like this:

"Lord, You are the God of hope. Fill me with all joy and peace as I trust in You, so that I may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."

Wow! That's powerful stuff. So often I read scripture, I can even recite a few verses, but I don't know that I feel what it means to me. Part of my problem is that I have not been been setting aside my quiet time everday. This happens to me a lot. Things are basically running on auto pilot and I tend to forget that Jesus wants to hear from me everyday even with the mundane things that happen. It's not all about having a crisis, it's about having a relationship.

I pray that you have a relationship with Him. Don't neglect it, nurture it.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. Doing the next right thing
2. working for a great boss
3. Celebration Ministries
4. my Cricut
5. pumpkins

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Be Still Sunday


Wednesday, October 08, 2008

Living Well

I am truly feeling good. I am finally starting to feel the affects of working out. I was told yesterday that I "looked like I was losing weight and looked great!" Woo Hoo! That completely made my day!

Have you ever heard the saying, "I'm not where I want to be, but I'm glad I not where I was?" (something like that). All I can say to that is a huge, resounding AMEN! I have to continue to "Live Well" one day at a time.

I am glad Darlene reminds us again to "focus" in her column this week. It is so easy to let our daily lives run on automatic and forget what our focus in all things should be...Christ!

My prayer is that I not put a foot on the ground in the morning without surrendering everything I am to Christ. To put Him first in all things, especially in my quest to Live Well.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. Dinner at church on Wednesday's!
2. ice water
3. Spiced Pumpkin Yankee Candles
4. A productive day at work
5. Hot Wheels

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Forty and Going Strong!

Today is my fortieth birthday. I have been dreading it for the longest time. I don't know why, because age has never affected me one way or the other. The difference this year is that today marks the one year anniversary of my father going home to the Lord.

The same thing happened to my mother in law. Her mom passed away on her birthday. So many people felt bad about the timing of it all and what it would forever mean to me, but I see it differently. I appreciate the significance that of all days in the year, my dad went home to the Lord on the day I was born. It was the day he let go and was finally at peace. It's the day a huge peace enveloped me. I knew, for the first time in years, he could walk and talk again and be with my mom.

Today, I will celebrate. I will celebrate my Dad's life and what he means to me and I will celebrate forty years full of blessings that the Lord has granted me. Today is another day I don't deserve and I am going to live it to the fullest.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. Christ in my heart.
2. My Dad's life.
3. My beautiful children.
4. My wonderful husband.
5. Being treated to a Spa Day!

Monday, October 06, 2008

Only Mommy Will Do

My little, sweet love, Christian, was sick yesterday. It was the start of a stuffy nose and warm forehead, and all he wanted was Mommy.

You give them medicine and a juice box and then they want to lay on you and watch a movie with their blankie.

I hate that my son was sick, but I do love those moments of lying with him and comforting him. He knows when he doesn't feel good, Mommy is always there.

The cool thing is that God provides us comfort all of the time. Not just when we are sick. He is there with His word, but do we go to it as often as we should?

I want to dive into His word when I am not in a crisis. I want to open my Bible on a daily basis and learn. We should know better than to run to Him only when times are tough. We need to feed ourselves with His word daily. This way, when times are tough, those words will begin to flow through us and comfort us.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. a clean bill of health.
2. fresh, fall flowers
3. feeling good about myself
4. parent teacher conferences
5. new opportunites

Sunday, October 05, 2008

Be Still Sunday


Thursday, October 02, 2008

Not Done Yet

I just recently started a Beth Moore study, Living Beyond Yourself. Our church has a group who faithfully studies Beth Moore each semester, so I decided to join the Wednesday evening group.

I started a couple of weeks into the study so I am playing catch up. But I am sure glad I am doing this study. It is one of her first studies and the videos came along ten years later. It should truly be the first to do in her series. It is about the the fruit of the spirit in our everyday life.

While watching the first session video, she made a comment that I am keeping close to my heart. "If you're still drawing breath, you ain't done". Now how is that for truth!

I can easily get down in my day to day living. Sometimes I wonder, "Is this it?" You know what I mean, the daily duties of wife, mother, is easy to lose sight of the prize at the end of our journey.

"I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:14

God has each of us here for a reason. Part of that reason is to be a loving wife, mother, colleague and so many other roles. I needed to hear that truth that yes, I'm still breathing, and I ain't done!

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. coffee
2. rocks that fall out of small shoes
3. the gym
4. feeling my body start to feel good
5. colored pens

Wednesday, October 01, 2008


I think I have finally accepted the fact that this weight loss journey is going to take quite a bit of time. I've been getting frustrated because I am working out so hard at the gym. I'm working with a trainer and the days I'm not with him I get to the treadmill and work hard. I'm just not seeing anything coming off.

I have to also accept the fact that my medications for my depression and my PCOS do not help my cause, but I am not going to give in to those reasons and accept the weight I am currently at.

I will admit that I am starting to "feel" better. Slow as it goes, steady wins the race. I am pressing on to my prize.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. breakfast with my husband
2. vanilla coffee creamer
3. great medical care
4. steam cleaned carpet
5. early dismissal days

Speakers and Writers


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A 2008 Graduate of

Recommended Reading

  • Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World, Joanna Weaver
  • Praying the Names of God, Ann Spangler
  • The Shack, William P. Young
  • Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert
  • Redeeming Love, Francine Rivers
  • Bad Girls of the Bible, Liz Curtis Higgs
  • The Mark of the Lion Triology, Francine Rivers
  • The Mitford Series, Jan Karon

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