Friday, February 24, 2012

Time Away...

I've not been writing regularly….I've been searching and listening.

 God has been working on me.  And He has made me listen.  I have felt God's call on my life for quite some time and I have let life get in the way.  My "Christian's" hemophilia has really kept me busy, "Lance" has been struggling with his online schooling, and the death of my dear mother-in-law has been keeping my family life very full.  Top it off with my husband's ministry as a pastor and my working as a patient advocate full-time has left little time for seminary.  I took a break, with all intention of not going back.  I mean, one pastor in the family is enough, right?

I have officially entered the "Inquiry" Process in the United Methodist Church.  I have a mentor, who is one that will truly keep me accountable.  She is a Deacon in El Paso and has worked with my husband quite a bit.  We had our first meeting yesterday.  She is fantastic :)

This process the United Methodist Church has developed helps those who have a call to ministry to discern what they are hearing and feeling.  Sometimes people go through this process and decide to not move forward.  That very well may be what happens with me.  I have not a clue what is to come, I just know that God is leading me to discover what He is truly laying on my heart.

When is the last time you stopped and listened?

Today I Am Thankful For:

1.  Unexpected play dates
2.  Wipeout :)
3.  Kindergarten homework
4.  A plant to re-pot
5.  A new sofa and chair

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Monday, February 13, 2012

Home Base

I've been floundering for several weeks.  My son, "Lance", had an accident, which involved my laptop.  We gave the laptop final rites and I have been" laptop-less" until this weekend. 

 Mind you we have a "family computer",  I have an iPhone an iPad and a laptop for work.  There have been plenty of ways for me to be connected, but not having my "home base" laptop, where my life resides, has been uncomfortable.

 When I stray from studying God's word, I feel "laptop-less".  I can wander around, find other means of being "spiritually" connected, but not necessarily in tune with what God wants me to hear.  There are many ways we can find a connection with the Creator of the Universe, and sometimes we take shortcuts.  Maybe we don’t attend church and say we are "communing with our families or with nature and that we see God in that way."  Maybe we get away from studying God's word because we are too busy and things are going fine.  I mean, no need to study when all is well...right? 

 It's dangerous to ignore our hearts and hard to make time to study.  I have committed to starting each day with a few minutes of study.  The day is so much more fruitful when I do this.  Things are going really well and I want to be thankful and praise my God for all of the blessings in my life.  I also want to be prepared for when life takes those twists and turns that put me in a twist. 

Home base for me is the Bible.  A place where I can turn to find the answer for anything.  See, God's word comforts me.  I don't always understand everything, and that is what pushes me to study.  I am challenging myself through my study to put more scripture in my heart.  It's at my fingertips, and I need to go to it way more often.  God pursues me and loves me and has left His Word for me to live by.  I just need to remember to use it as my touchstone at all times.

 Today I Am Thankful For:

1.  A new razor
2.  Return envelopes
3.  A group to play my instruments in weekly
4.  Dreaming about what the future may bring
5.  Home base

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Friday, February 10, 2012

Hitting Home

I am so blessed to be with a wonderful group of ladies on Tuesday evenings.  We are reading Renee Swope's "A Confident Heart."  It is just a gem.  Every paragraph has an amazing nugget of wisdom that hits home for me.  I want to share a section that really hit me this past week.

 "If you've ever doubted God's personal pursuit of you, let this truth sink in, my friend; wherever you are, He wants to meet you there.  He is waiting for you to stop, come up close , and turn your heart to listen to His.  You don't have to pretend things are fine when they aren't.  He knows what is going on in your thoughts.  Nothing could keep Him from wanting to be with you."

   -From "A Confident Heart", Renee Swope, pg. 37.

I hate how doubt tends to consume me.  Sometimes it's my work and wondering if I am truly performing up to my potential, or am I doing enough for my children in the way of being a mom.  And more often than not, I doubt whether or not I am good enough for myself.  Saying these things "out loud" is hard, but the truth is, God knows every thought I have.  Even the thoughts that I could never speak out loud...the ones about myself and how I feel less than. 

God is in "pursuit" of me.  Every day.  He meets me despite how I look or feel.  It's like a child that has been playing outside all day long.  Full of mud and critters...running to Mom and Dad with complete faith and love.  That child did not stop to wash off the mud and critters before he went running to his parents...he went just as he was.

That's how God wants me and you.  Just the way we are.  Sometimes that's hard for me to accept.  That God loves me with all of my "junk".  Stinkin' thinkin' and all. 
Today I Am Thankful For:

  1. Kindergarten homework
  2. A new brace for my "Christian's" ankle
  3. Reaching out to a new mentor in my process of discernment through the church
  4. A new sweatshirt
  5. Looking forward to the weekend

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Recommended Reading

  • Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World, Joanna Weaver
  • Praying the Names of God, Ann Spangler
  • The Shack, William P. Young
  • Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert
  • Redeeming Love, Francine Rivers
  • Bad Girls of the Bible, Liz Curtis Higgs
  • The Mark of the Lion Triology, Francine Rivers
  • The Mitford Series, Jan Karon

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