Monday, September 29, 2008

A Special Relationship

I am so blessed. I picked up my oldest from school today and as we were leaving the parking lot, he confided in me (I really don't want to be specific). It was something that warmed my heart. My 12 year old son tells me everything! I know, times will change, but I know that when I was 12 I didn't confide in my mom the way he confides in me.

Oh, how I hope he feels as close to me years from now as he does today!

It's like my relationship with Christ. I have depended on Him completely and given myself to Him freely, but there are times I have strayed and not given Him my utmost in confidence. I hate when that happens. He knows I have a deep love for Him and regardless of where I am in life, He loves me.

I will always love my son, whether he confides in me completely or not. It will never change the way I feel about him.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Be Still Sunday


Friday, September 26, 2008

Small Town Living

Today is a perfect, New Mexico day. The sky is amazingly blue and the clouds are white, puffy and floating along without a care in the world. It's in the upper 70's and it's Fair Day. The kids are out of school and the fair parade is the big "to do" for the day. My oldest is marching with the band in his first parade. I haven't really thought much of it, I mean, it's just a parade, right?

My little one and I find a spot on the main street and park our chairs (why I brought him a chair, I have no clue). He is busy playing with the rocks and starts to get excited when he hears the firetrucks! Here they come! The ROTC, the Girl Scouts, the Grand Marshall, and here comes the band!

As I am frantically looking for my son to capture the perfect picture, I spot him and for a split second I am back in the delivery room on June 23, 1996 holding him for the first time. The tears just start to pour. Luckily, despite my "being a woman", I snap a shot. (He is in the black shirt to the right).

Our children grow so fast. I must admit that there are many days that I take advantage of the fact that I assume we will all have another day together. There is no guarantee. I don't mean to be morbid, but it is reality. We have to live life to the fullest everyday! I don't want my depression to rob me of another day. I pray that Christ will shine through me in all I do and in my children. I plan to live everyday with more passion than ever.

Thursday, September 25, 2008


This week started with a very successful business trip to Chicago. It was all good. Good travel, not being rushed, good business, good connections, etc. Then Wednesday came and I had no energy. Quick trips can really take alot out of you, especially when you are not accustomed to traveling every week like many of my colleagues.

I have been sinking. Sinking into my pit. I want to do nothing but curl up and sleep. I haven't been very productive with my work or my duties at home. My hubby is off to Denver as of this morning and back tomorrow, so it is all up to me to take care of the kids. My desire to be a mom is even just about gone.

Just when I think my depression is cured, Satan gets a hold of me. I think clinical depression is like an addiction in some respects. You can control it by various methods, but it is never completely gone.

I pray for healing in my soul. For Satan to get his claws out of me. For the light of Christ to shine in me stronger than ever.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Be Still Sunday


Thursday, September 18, 2008

Being Thankful

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. the fact that I don't teach school anymore!
2. lemonade
3. lunch with a friend
4. Nemo
5. mechanical pencils


Wednesday, September 17, 2008

The Scale

I've gotten in the habit of weighing myself on Wednesday mornings. I think I need to stop. I have been working so hard by going to the gym Monday through Friday and working with a personal trainer. It's been good. I do feel better and have been pushing myself and feeling really good about it.

I know my body is changing, and I feel good, but why do I get wrapped up in the number on the scale?

I am NOT the number on the scale! I am so much more than that.

I am a child of God, who has been called to speak His truths. I am a wife and mother who keeps the house running through bleeds and a husband traveling out of state to seminary once a week. (And I do the occasional business trip as well). I am a minister to women, I am a friend and a confidant, etc., etc.

Do you get the picture? You are all these things and more! Don't let the number on the scale overwhelm you and dictate to you what you think of yourself!

I bought a small, spiral notebook and have started filling it with scripture and quotes that speak to me. I've put it on the treadmill (to cover the timer) and fill my heart with these words as I am pushing myself to get through those "30 minutes".

This is the scripture that has been on my heart:

"Commit to the Lord everything you do. Then your plans will succeed." Proverbs 16:3

The scripture does not say Commit to the Lord everything you do "perfectly"...or Commit to the Lord everything you do "successfully"... We need to commit everything we do to Him. My mind wanders while I am on the treadmill, and yesterday I made it a point to fill it with prayers and His word.

My prayer is for you to fill your hearts with His word. Go to Him in everything you do.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. my iPod
2. coffee
3. my auto mechanic offering us a payment plan
4. freedom to work flexible hours
5. my dog snoring

Monday, September 15, 2008


I have had a great start to my week. I was given the opportunity to speak to a group in Nebraska (via conference call) about customer service. When I speak about customer service, it is in relation to caring for those with bleeding disorders.

I have a passion for educating. I taught middle school band in the Texas Public School System for thirteen years before I came to my current job. Now, I get to educate people caring for those with bleeding disorders such as hemophilia, which my sons are afflicted with.

The other area my passion has "oozed" into is speaking to women's groups about Christ and how He works in our lives. My ministry is in the early stages of development, and it is really exciting.

I never dreamed my passion would be speaking. I always thought it would be music. Music is still a passion of mine (I am an oboist) but I never dreamed it would change. (With my fortieth birthday looming, I have been reflecting a bit too much).

Sometimes I am overwhelmed at how God has worked in my life. Through what many would think is devastation, hemophilia has blessed me in countless ways. Through the dissolution of the relationship with my sister, I have found who I truly am through Christ and otherwise may not know Him the way I do now.

He has ignited a passion in me. A passion to share His word.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. incense
2. the lingering, morning breeze
3. Hurricane Ike sparing much damage to my family
4. hope
5. Proverbs 31 Ministries

Friday, September 12, 2008

The Enemy....

Yes, the enemy knows where to attack us, doesn't he? I actually said, out loud, "I am so glad the boys are back to normal". Well, not long after that comment yesterday, my little one developed another bleed. It is under control, but it will take infusing throughout the weekend.

The enemy has been using hemophilia against me lately. The ugliness and pain that hemophilia can inflict on a person has shown up in my boys. If I could take their pain away, I would, but I can't. I know I am being tested. I have to rely on God through all things but I find myself so absorbed in "the problem" that I forget that He is waiting on me.

He meets me where I am. When I am about to shed tears over the pain my boys endure, when I am stressed out because my little one is having a bleed and my husband is out of town, when I "fall off the wagon" and overeat because I need to be comforted, He is there. He is my comfort. I hate that I give in to other things to comfort me.

I fall short of the mark in making Christ my center. I desperately want to go to Him in all things...even when things are great and uneventful, I want to go to Him with everything I have.

Today I Am Thankful For:
1. having a great workout
2. ice, cold water
3. being productive at work
4. clean, folded clothes
5. eating oranges with my little one

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Living Well

Darlene wrote a great post today about "Associative Learning". It's about how we automatically associated certain behaviors with the other. For me, when the television goes on, I want to grab a snack, hungry or not!

I've become very aware of that within the past few weeks and am trying to do others things. (I'm trying to cut back on my television watching....not easy to do). It just takes a minute to really divert your thinking. Putting in a load of clothes, spending 5 minutes cleaning out a junk drawer, organizing my scrapbooking closet. Believe me, I have tons of things I can do rather than watch television and eat.

But yes, I know, there is nothing wrong with "vegging out" in front of the television. I just can't make a habit of doing it everyday anymore.

All I can do in my quest to Live Well is take it one day at a time and remember that I am not the number on the scale.

"Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body." 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

Tuesday, September 09, 2008

Where He Meets Us

I had a revelation last night. Despite all of the craziness with my boys having bleeding episodes recently and dealing with my own weight loss struggle, you know who is always there? God. He meets us right where we are at. If it's at the depths of depression or when we are on high when our children are successful, God is there.

He knows we are broken people, yet He loves us with a love we can hardly comprehend. Why wouldn't I spend time everyday with someone this wonderful? There is no excuse. If God loves me with an everlasting love, I need to show Him that I love him back.

The beauty of it is, that I don't have to wait until I lose weight or have been the "perfect" mom for the day before I spend time with God. He takes me as I am and will help me accomplish the things that I strive for.

Today I Am Thankful For:
1. ice cold water
2. my husband dropping the kids off at school
3. making moves forward in my ministry
4. the ability to write in an open forum
5. the cool, desert mornings

Saturday, September 06, 2008


Have you ever become complacent about anything? You know, just take things for granted? I have come face to face with complacency these past two weeks. My sons live with hemophilia. My oldest, Lance, has never had complications. We just treat his condition and go about our business. No problems. Until August 25th when he developed a pretty serious bleed.

All of a sudden, right between the eyes, it hit me. "Oh, yeah, my son has hemophilia!"

Something else I have been complacent about is the time I spend with God. When things are going well, and I go about my business, the kids are well, my husband is good, I'm feeling fine, I "forget" to spend my quality time with the Lord.

He waits on me everyday. But do I show up everyday?

I am getting better at protecting my time with God. When I have my quiet time and spend time in His word, my day is just better.

Have you become complacent about anthing ? Are you protecting your quiet time with God?

Things I Am Thankful For:
1. Seeing Lance's injury begin to heal
2. top quality medical care
3. temperatures in the 80's
4. Beth Moore
5. exfoliating lotion

Wednesday, September 03, 2008

Living Well

I am happy to say that today is a better day. My oldest son is still struggling with healing over the bleed he has been battling, but he is improving. My little one is good, so that makes things so much better in the dynamics of our family this week.

I went to the gym last night, even though my heart was not into it initially, and I am so glad I did. My routine on the treadmill is becoming easier! Yeah for improvement! My eating has been a little off kilter with all of the issues with my boys. I tend to eat when I get depressed or stressed....sound familiar?

Things are better and I am positive the rest of the week will be a success.

To visit others "Living Well" go to

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Recommended Reading

  • Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World, Joanna Weaver
  • Praying the Names of God, Ann Spangler
  • The Shack, William P. Young
  • Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert
  • Redeeming Love, Francine Rivers
  • Bad Girls of the Bible, Liz Curtis Higgs
  • The Mark of the Lion Triology, Francine Rivers
  • The Mitford Series, Jan Karon

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