Sunday, October 07, 2012

I Miss Him

Today is a bittersweet day.  It's my 44th birthday and the 5th anniversary of the day my Dad passed away.  I am so blessed to share this day with him, even if it was a sad one. 
I adored my Dad.  

He held his emotions and feelings very close.  He was not one to say "I love you" out loud, but he sure did show love to my family by the hours he spent working as a school administrator.  To this day I compare everyone's work ethic to that of my Dad.  The desire he had to always be better and not settle for less than your absolute best was just the norm...I can clean a mean yard and paint a house like nobody's business :).

The moment I cherish the most with my Dad came when he was at the end of his life.  He did not speak anymore and I was not sure if he understood what was happening to him.  It was an extremely sad way to see a person end their life.  He was so strong and vital and to see him confined to his bed was devastating. 

One day I was talking to him and out of nowhere, he reached his arm out to me looked me straight in the eyes and pat my shoulder.  It was one of the most powerful, meaningful moments of my life.

When you lose a parent, part of your soul goes with them.  When you lose both, you are never the same.  I don't have a mom or dad to call when something amazing happens in my life.  When my "Christian" loses another tooth, or when "Lance" gets excited about college….those are moments that I cannot pick up the phone and tell Mom and Dad about.  Yes, there are many that love us and celebrate in those triumphs, but it's just never the same.

I am so fortunate to have been loved by my parents.  I pray that my children know, with every fiber of their being, that I love them.

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