"Thinking" to Walk

I've not been around for a bit.

No desire.

No energy.

No spirit.

No words to share.

It's as if life has been sucked out of me.

Nothing in particular set it off...sometimes it just happens.

Depression has just reared its ugly head.

Over the past few days I have literally had to "think" to walk. I know that is hard to understand if you don't suffer from depression, but often the simplest of things become huge challenges.

"Get up Cazandra!"
"Walk to the bathroom!"
"Brush your teeth."
"Comb your hair."

I wish I was exaggerating, but that is what I have had to do for several days.

I did have a recent victory...I went to church Sunday morning.

I know, I am a pastor's wife, why shouldn't I be in church? The absolute last thing I wanted to do was put a smile on my face and be present that morning. How could I possible have anything to give when I could hardly function?

It was truly by the grace of God that I was in church.

I hugged the neck of a woman who just lost her husband...no words were exchanged, but I was there for her. Another woman just received word that her daughter was dying, thousands of miles away. Another hug needed and given.

God used me despite how I was feeling. He used the part of me that I was able to give. I had no idea that I would show up as a minister that morning, but the amazing part is that those two grieving women ministered to me in a very profound way. I felt God's presence through them and their grief.

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 (NIV)

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. fleece jackets
2. Sugar free cookies
3. Positive test results
4. Curly hair
5. Windy days