Sunday, May 08, 2011

Missing Mom

When Mother's Day comes around, and you have no mother to hug, it's sad. You feel alone.

I am fortunate enough to have a mother-in-law and my mother's best friend as my "pseudo moms," but it is not the same.

My mother died five weeks after my first son was born. It has been almost 15 years ago and I still can remember the touch of her hand. The expression on her face when she saw my son for the first time, the times she would bring me a drink and snack before the spelling bee in elementary school (she was a teacher's aide at my school). The times she would laugh so hard that she didn't make a sound! We always managed to start laughing at very inappropriate times :)

I missed out on having my mother with me while raising my children. What was supposed to be a joyous, sleep deprived time for me, became a time of pain. When the diagnosis of hemophilia came on top of everything else, I really was not able to deal with my grief over my mom and for that matter my son for many years.

As I look back to that time nearly 15 years ago, I see that I am not even close to being the same person I was then.

I am so thankful God intervened and worked on me.

It's taken many years to say goodbye to my Mom, but I've realized that you can never truly say goodbye. My Mom is always with me. In my heart, in the way I love my children, in the things I say and do. I still hear her voice and can feel her warmth.

Lydia Cano Campos was my mother and I adored her and miss her terribly. I would give anything to put my arms around her again.

Today I Am Thankful For:
1. Old frying pans
2. Recipes passed down
3. An old tea pitcher
4. Chocolate milk
5. Oscar de la Renta perfume

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