I Can Hardly Wait for Tomorrow!

Tomorrow me and my men will be together again!

My oldest, Lance, went to Houston 2 weeks ago to go to hemophilia camp and my little one and husband went to Houston to visit and pick up Lance from the camp bus 8 days ago.

It's been too long.

Yes, I've enjoyed the retreat and being in school this week, but being away from the loves of my life is very difficult (thank goodness for Skype).

By the time my class ends at noon tomorrow, they will be here on campus to meet me for lunch!

I've learned so much this week. Not just from the books, but about myself. I'm looking forward to sharing with you soon.

Blessings to you all!

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. new spiral notebooks
2. colored pens
3. new friends
4. bookstores
5. poetry

Being Silent

I had the most amazing weekend.

I attended a retreat lead by Dr. Jane Vennard from Iliff Seminary at the Sacred Heart Retreat House in Sedalia, Colorado.

It was a contemplative retreat filled with tons of silence. It was so refreshing. To not "have" to talk. To be able to go deeper inside of yourself and actually listen to what your heart was trying to tell you. To just "be". And to be in community with others, in silence. One of my favorite times was lying on a hammock for about two hours (yes, a luxury indeed :)


Our sharing times were pretty powerful. One of the questions asked was "Have you experience silence as a gift?"

I thought of my Dad. He was always a quiet man, but when he got sick and suffered from dementia, towards the end of his life, he didn't speak anymore. One of the times that I will never forget is when we were sitting in silence, just being and he raised his arm up and patted me on the shoulder. That action was worth more than any words he could have spoken to me.

I am looking forward to this coming week (I write this as I sit in an apartment at Iliff) as our retreat moves to the classroom where we will work on developing retreats.

My first "academic" experience in twenty years! I'm so glad I didn't chicken out.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. grapes
2. air conditioning
3. comfortable pillows
4. things left behind
5. new friends

It's Soooo Quiet

You ever been in the kind of quiet that is deafening? You know, it's almost too..."loud"?

That is what I am experiencing right now and for this upcoming weekend. A retreat in "Being Still."

As a mom, it's so hard to be still. There's always something to do and I will admit that when I am still, I'm watching television most of the time, just vegging out.

Isn't that awful? All of the other things I could be doing other than watching television....see, there I go...not being still.

This weekend is all about me being a little selfish and taking time for myself and my relationship with God.

I can't figure out what is making me more nervous, not knowing people, or the quiet that surrounds me?

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. Skype
2. new headphones
3. parachutes
4. the camera on my phone
5. my iPod

The Journey Begins

I am really stepping out of the box this week.

I am going to a retreat in Sedalia, Colorado Friday afternoon through Sunday afternoon. It is part of the class I am taking in Seminary.

I don't know what I am getting into.

I am all alone right now. My oldest is at hemophilia camp in Texas, and my husband and little one are in Houston visiting family. It's just bizarre being alone.

No one tugging at my shirt, no meals to cook, no laundry to wash....sounds like heaven don't you think?

Not even close.

I miss my "men" terribly. But, I am going to take advantage of this time to rest, reflect and hopefully connect with God.

How many people have this opportunity? I am definitely going to take advantage of the time.

What would you do with a week alone?

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. reading glasses
2. salads
3. clean clothes
4. loose change
5. playlists

I Know the Problem

Since early June, my life has been pretty crazy with my four year old, Christian, beingin and out of the hospital.

I've just not "felt" right for several weeks.

My weight loss has been up and down, my sleep has been very deprived, our schedules at home have not been steady and I just don't feel good.

I figured it out. I've let my morning quiet time go.

Sleepless nights, getting up at all hours to infuse medication, I can come up with all the excuses in the world, but the bottom line is I let go of my lifeboat.

The one thing that keeps me going...my quiet time. The time I sit with Jesus in my living room to say hello and talk about what's on my heart...I've let it go.

Not intentionally, but it has slipped away.

But wouldn't you think I would be praying more than ever right now with my Christian's medical issues? That's what I don't understand. The time in my life that I need to be on my knees the most, and I have been absolutely complacent in my prayer life.

I opened my Bible yesterday to Psalm 42,

"As the deer pants for streams of water,
so my soul pants for you, O God.
My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
When can I go and meet with God? (NIV)"

I think God is telling me something.

Wednesday evening we went out on the lake with friends and what did I see? A deer drinking water.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. decent Mexican food
2. a new blouse
3. phone chargers
4. house slippers
5. puppy breath

Bux

Yesterday I posted about being a bit selfish. How I wish my "normal" was a bit like everyone else's.

Then came Bux.

As I was getting ready to leave yesterday morning, a little puppy wandered up. He would not leave me alone.

Now he has a bowl, a chew toy and has been given a name...Bux (short for Buxtehude...don't ask:)

At first I didn't want anything to do with him. We already have two Shelties, another dog would be just too much! More vet bills, more food, bathing, caring for...the list goes on. But I think the Lord had something else in mind. Not just for him, but for all of us.

You can't just shut out a life in need. We may only have Bux for a short time (if we find an owner) or he may be a permanent fixture in our already busy household.

It's funny how God works.

Sometimes it's in a huge way. A big answer to prayer, a check in the mail, a positive diagnosis....and sometimes the innocent eyes of a hungry puppy.

(Any ideas on what kind of dog he is?)

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. noodles
2. Jeopardy
3. puppies
4. dirty hands
5. coban

My Normal

Sometimes my "normal" just makes me a little angry.

Why does my normal have to ever look like this?



Why can't my normal be that I am living in the home I will retire in with weekends to the lake? Or that my boys wouldn't be covered in bruises.

What is "normal?"

I know the Lord has led me and my family on this path of Nomadic living, I know that the Lord blessed us with two wonderful children that just happen to have medical issues.

I guess I just get selfish sometimes.

Don't we often wish for what others have? Is their life and lifestyle really all that it seems to be? Is the grass really greener on the other side?

We all have problems and situations that test us. We just have to deal with what has been put on our plate to the best of our ability.

I think I am just tired and want my little one to heal.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. Sharpie's
2. stinky tennis shoes
3. the puppy that found his way to our home
4. the rain
5. our nurse, J that came out Saturday evening to help us

Ministry from the Young

Our church is pretty small. One adult Sunday school class on Sunday mornings, a few children in the congregation, and many snowbirds make up our congregants.

A fellow Methodist church in Las Cruces has come on a mission trip to lead Vacation Bible School in our little town.

About 15 youth and chaperones have decided to take a few days, come and sleep in our church, and lead Bible Study for our children.

What hearts they have!

I mean, how many kids choose to take time away from their comfortable beds to sleep on the floor of a church?

They have decorated our church like you could not even imagine! They have memorized their lines, prepared great music, and have wonderful hearts for our little ones.

It has truly touched me. That others, especially youth, have heard God's call on their hearts to be with others. To give of themselves selflessly.

I appreciate what they are doing. My Christian is having the time of his life tonight with his friends. The people working with him are so loving and gentle.

I love seeing God work.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. Stouffers lasagna
2. hearing rain!
3. lemonade
4. not being in Kansas City for a meeting
5. paperweights

I Posted Too Soon.....

I am more of a Facebook "lurker" and not one who posts often (my blog posts show up, but I don't go out of my way to post my status).

Tonight I posted that all was quiet in our hospital room (Christian had his surgery today) and that he was sleeping....that lasted about 20 minutes!

So two hours later, I sit here, as he does finally sleep, wide awake, contemplating the day.

Despite all of the medical issues both of my boys have endured, there is one thing that did overwhelm me today...Pain.

Christian has endured an enormous amount of pain today. The kind of pain that when your child is crying and you truly do not know what to do except hold them and wipe their tears.

I've said before that I would gladly endure the pain my children go through rather than they having to deal with it themselves, but I never meant it like I did today.

We all have pain. Physical pain like my sweet, brave boy has been dealing with, emotional pain that so many people go through at the hands of others....

As trite as it may sound, I truly believe the Lord never gives us more than we can handle, but there are sure times I wonder if I am truly the person meant to deal with children with medical issues.

I begin to doubt myself, the decisions I make on their behalf, even the signing of the consent forms for procedures to be done.

I know it all makes us stronger, but I feel strong enough! :)

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. a late night Diet Coke
2. my oldest son's love for his baby brother
3. dark rooms
4. the city lights in the wee hours
5. Christian's stars and moon nightlight