Dreams

Do you ever have those dreams that when you wake up felt so incredibly real?

I've had a couple of those recently...about my mom.

My mom passed away when my Lance, who is 13, was five weeks old. It was a terrible time. I had a newborn, diagnosed with a bleeding disorder and my mother died. What was supposed to have been a joyful time in my life, was filled with pain and confusion.

The Lord led us through it. Even though I was angry with Him, He never left my side.

In this dream my mom came to visit me with my sister. Nothing particularly special happened in the dream, she was just with me. I felt her hug me.

I think God gives us these moments...to encourage us. Is that a crazy thought?

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. lotion
2. invoices
3. possibilities
4. 8 trips left to Denver (before my hubby gets his MDiv!)
5. dreams

Doing Enough

I've always said that when I did become a pastor's wife I would never "put on" appearances. If I was hurting, I wouldn't hide it, if I was upset or sad, I would let it out, and so on. I never want to be a hindrance to my husband's ministry like I know a pastor's wife can be. But I find myself in an odd place.

I teach a Women's Bible study and produce the monthly church newsletter...that's it. As I sit and listen to the choir preparing for the Palm Sunday service, I feel pangs of guilt about not participating in the music groups (chasing after my four year old keeps me pretty busy).

I am looking forward to playing my English Horn on Good Friday and my oboe on Easter Sunday, but I want to do more. I've been searching to know what that "more" is.

I am in the process of applying to another seminary...Asbury was not the place for me. If all works out and I am accepted, I will be really busy :) Maybe it's the "more" that I have been searching for. I want to study and strengthen my knowledge of the Bible so that I can share His word.

Time will tell. I just need to be "still" and listen.

Have you been "still" lately?

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. palms
2. a messy house
3. Hershey Kisses
4. eating "right"
5. old coloring books

Praise!

We just received wonderful news...Christian's blood work has come back and his inhibitor is 97.5! It has never been that low! We are waiting for it to get below 10 so we can start immune tolerance therapy so that he can use Factor 8, which is the clotting factor he is missing.

It's been a long road, but we are starting to see results. The chemo is working! It's actually working!

This makes those trips to the hospital so worth it. The packing, the overnight stays, the diet of hospital food....

All I can say is "Praise God!"

"Come, let us sing for joy to the LORD; let us shout aloud to the Rock of our salvation." Psalm 95:1

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. wonderful test results
2. new drinking glasses
3. ribbon
4. seeing old friends
5. reorganizing

God's Pleasure

I attended (and led music) at a women's retreat this past weekend. "Faith at the Crossroads" by Janet Drez. It was very good. I always go to these kind of events and hope to take away a nugget. Something that will stick with me...and I did.

Janet talked about the movie Chariots of Fire and how the man, who was the runner, talked to his sister about how when he ran he "felt God's pleasure."

That's what I've been searching for...what is it that I do that I "feel God's pleasure?"

What about you? I would love to hear from you! When do you feel God's pleasure?"

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. the driving range
2. external hard drives
3. a clean camper
4. a few days off
5. sleeping in

Nice trip!

I still am stunned by what happened today.

As Christian and I were leaving daycare, I was holding him, and before I knew what happened, I tripped and we both went down...him head first, to the concrete!

He has a golf ball sized lump on the back of his head and it cut open. I was so scared. My husband met us at the hospital with factor, we got a CT scan and all is well. It could have been really bad.

Chronic medical condition or not, we all get complacent. Things move along without any fuss, our life becomes a bit "hum drum" even. Then it takes something to wake us up...something to snap us out of complacency.

That's what happened today.

What has snapped you out of your complacency?

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. God being with my son
2. pink nail polish
3. leading worship
4. no broken bones
5. alarms

What is "Normal?"

Things are thumpin' along...Lance is doing homework, his Dad helping him out. Christian is building his train tracks in his room, the house is clean, everyone is fed...what more could a woman want?

Just when all seems calm, my Christian starts to limp...an ankle bleed. Well, I guess that's what our "normal" is.

Normal is a blood draw for Christian on Tuesday morning and chemo on Friday.

Normal is my Lance's iPod playing the latest on Broadway.

Normal is preparing to teach Bible Study on Tuesday evening.

Normal is my husband writing a paper for Seminary.

I love "normal" because our "normal" gives us unending laughter and joy. Despite the rough times, that is what is overwhelming...the love in our lives.

What does your "normal" look like?

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. my Pampered Chef pan
2. Maria, who comes to clean every other week:)
3. BBQ sauce
4. essay contests
5. peace lillies

A Privledge

What a privledge I had this weekend to speak to a group of parents in Montana about parenting and bleeding disorders. It was great! The audience participated and had great comments that were encouraging for each other (I was worried they wouldn't talk...they were spunky)!

Something happened in the middle of the presentation...I was standing there, going through my power point when all of a sudden I realized I wasn't that scared, freaked out new mom of a child with hemophilia anymore. Not anymore!

Boy have things happened in the past thirteen years.

It's amazing how God prepares us.

I believe those years ago as I was learning all the ins and outs of being a new mom to a child with hemophilia, He was preparing me for the day I would share my experiences with others.

It's an amazing feeling to know that God is using you.

I also believe you don't have to be doing something "huge" like presenting to a room of people or heading up a major corporation. He uses us everyday. In our roles of being parents and spouses...teachers and cheerleaders...equippers and encouragers.

How is God using you?

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. kind people
2. a cherished opportunity to speak
3. hotel coffee
4. fun purses
5. leggings

Gray

We had the shortest hospital stay ever! Less than 24 hours! Yes, it was an exhausting day, but we are home. My Christian has an infection in his port, but we are on the road to treating it and we are home!

There is something I noticed at the hospital. The parents of children who are admitted look "gray." They have a haze of grayness around them.

I ran into the dad of a child, in his sweats, with his Wendy's Biggie drink, walking to the nourishment room for ice. He just had a cloud around him.

I guess because I've been one of those parents more times than I care to remember that I've never noticed.

When you live at the hospital you live from the few changes of clothes you have (and wash regularly at the Ronald McDonald room), you sneak away when your child is asleep for food and drink, television becomes your friend (when the cartoons are not on), and you learn to wait.

My heart goes out to these parents. My prayers to each and every one of them.

It is hard to have a sick child.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. my own bed
2. dollar store surprises
3. my bluetooth
4. lollipops
5. being home