I've always said that when I did become a pastor's wife I would never "put on" appearances. If I was hurting, I wouldn't hide it, if I was upset or sad, I would let it out, and so on. I never want to be a hindrance to my husband's ministry like I know a pastor's wife can be. But I find myself in an odd place.
I teach a Women's Bible study and produce the monthly church newsletter...that's it. As I sit and listen to the choir preparing for the Palm Sunday service, I feel pangs of guilt about not participating in the music groups (chasing after my four year old keeps me pretty busy).
I am looking forward to playing my English Horn on Good Friday and my oboe on Easter Sunday, but I want to do more. I've been searching to know what that "more" is.
I am in the process of applying to another seminary...Asbury was not the place for me. If all works out and I am accepted, I will be really busy :) Maybe it's the "more" that I have been searching for. I want to study and strengthen my knowledge of the Bible so that I can share His word.
Time will tell. I just need to be "still" and listen.
Have you been "still" lately?
Today I Am Thankful For:
1. palms
2. a messy house
3. Hershey Kisses
4. eating "right"
5. old coloring books
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Recommended Reading
- Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World, Joanna Weaver
- Praying the Names of God, Ann Spangler
- The Shack, William P. Young
- Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert
- Redeeming Love, Francine Rivers
- Bad Girls of the Bible, Liz Curtis Higgs
- The Mark of the Lion Triology, Francine Rivers
- The Mitford Series, Jan Karon
1 comments:
"Doing" enough is a dreadful ache that I am not certain comes from a prompt from the Holy Spirit. Having more bible knowledge did not help the Sanhedrin or the Pharisees one bit. Your heart is what the Lord adores, not your works. The great commission asks us to GO OUT and share our faith, share our testimony, share our love for the One who will always love us as we are...in progress...becoming more like Jesus, humble, kind, compassionate towards others that they may ASK for an explanation for your peace in the midst of chaos. Martha was always busy - while Mary simply sat at the feet of Jesus. I understand the urgency to "DO" more, so I have asked the Holy Spirit to HELP ME, to show me, to speak to my heart --- "be still" and know that I am GOD, and that I love YOU and I have gifted you with the FAITH you have. We can add to our faith by what we read, what we listen to, not what we do.
JUST my thoughts as I struggle with the urge to do more after listening to Anne Lotz, or Francis Chan. Building relationships with strangers, not church members, reaching outside the fellowship of known believers has done much to add to my faith as I tell my testimony. Keep oozing, slowly.
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