Time Away...

I've not been writing regularly….I've been searching and listening.

 God has been working on me.  And He has made me listen.  I have felt God's call on my life for quite some time and I have let life get in the way.  My "Christian's" hemophilia has really kept me busy, "Lance" has been struggling with his online schooling, and the death of my dear mother-in-law has been keeping my family life very full.  Top it off with my husband's ministry as a pastor and my working as a patient advocate full-time has left little time for seminary.  I took a break, with all intention of not going back.  I mean, one pastor in the family is enough, right?

I have officially entered the "Inquiry" Process in the United Methodist Church.  I have a mentor, who is one that will truly keep me accountable.  She is a Deacon in El Paso and has worked with my husband quite a bit.  We had our first meeting yesterday.  She is fantastic :)

This process the United Methodist Church has developed helps those who have a call to ministry to discern what they are hearing and feeling.  Sometimes people go through this process and decide to not move forward.  That very well may be what happens with me.  I have not a clue what is to come, I just know that God is leading me to discover what He is truly laying on my heart.

When is the last time you stopped and listened?

Today I Am Thankful For:

1.  Unexpected play dates

2.  Wipeout :)

3.  Kindergarten homework

4.  A plant to re-pot

5.  A new sofa and chair

Home Base

I've been floundering for several weeks.  My son, "Lance", had an accident, which involved my laptop.  We gave the laptop final rites and I have been" laptop-less" until this weekend. 

 Mind you we have a "family computer",  I have an iPhone an iPad and a laptop for work.  There have been plenty of ways for me to be connected, but not having my "home base" laptop, where my life resides, has been uncomfortable.

 When I stray from studying God's word, I feel "laptop-less".  I can wander around, find other means of being "spiritually" connected, but not necessarily in tune with what God wants me to hear.  There are many ways we can find a connection with the Creator of the Universe, and sometimes we take shortcuts.  Maybe we don’t attend church and say we are "communing with our families or with nature and that we see God in that way."  Maybe we get away from studying God's word because we are too busy and things are going fine.  I mean, no need to study when all is well...right? 

 It's dangerous to ignore our hearts and hard to make time to study.  I have committed to starting each day with a few minutes of study.  The day is so much more fruitful when I do this.  Things are going really well and I want to be thankful and praise my God for all of the blessings in my life.  I also want to be prepared for when life takes those twists and turns that put me in a twist. 

Home base for me is the Bible.  A place where I can turn to find the answer for anything.  See, God's word comforts me.  I don't always understand everything, and that is what pushes me to study.  I am challenging myself through my study to put more scripture in my heart.  It's at my fingertips, and I need to go to it way more often.  God pursues me and loves me and has left His Word for me to live by.  I just need to remember to use it as my touchstone at all times.

 Today I Am Thankful For:

1.  A new razor

2.  Return envelopes
3.  A group to play my instruments in weekly
4.  Dreaming about what the future may bring
5.  Home base

Hitting Home

I am so blessed to be with a wonderful group of ladies on Tuesday evenings.  We are reading Renee Swope's "A Confident Heart."  It is just a gem.  Every paragraph has an amazing nugget of wisdom that hits home for me.  I want to share a section that really hit me this past week.

 "If you've ever doubted God's personal pursuit of you, let this truth sink in, my friend; wherever you are, He wants to meet you there.  He is waiting for you to stop, come up close , and turn your heart to listen to His.  You don't have to pretend things are fine when they aren't.  He knows what is going on in your thoughts.  Nothing could keep Him from wanting to be with you."

   -From "A Confident Heart", Renee Swope, pg. 37.

I hate how doubt tends to consume me.  Sometimes it's my work and wondering if I am truly performing up to my potential, or am I doing enough for my children in the way of being a mom.  And more often than not, I doubt whether or not I am good enough for myself.  Saying these things "out loud" is hard, but the truth is, God knows every thought I have.  Even the thoughts that I could never speak out loud...the ones about myself and how I feel less than. 

God is in "pursuit" of me.  Every day.  He meets me despite how I look or feel.  It's like a child that has been playing outside all day long.  Full of mud and critters...running to Mom and Dad with complete faith and love.  That child did not stop to wash off the mud and critters before he went running to his parents...he went just as he was.

That's how God wants me and you.  Just the way we are.  Sometimes that's hard for me to accept.  That God loves me with all of my "junk".  Stinkin' thinkin' and all. 

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. Kindergarten homework
2. A new brace for my "Christian's" ankle
3. Reaching out to a new mentor in my process of discernment through the church
4. A new sweatshirt
5. Looking forward to the weekend

Enough Time Off...

God was present on Sunday morning.  He woke me up.

I've not been pursuing Seminary for a while....I've just felt as if the timing was not right.  There have been so many things that have happened (especially my "Christian's" health being front and center) and I have been very relieved that school was not in the mix, but something happened at church on Sunday.

A new member, who I've really not had contact with, came up to me.  This person is in need of someone being "present" for them as they have recently had a great loss and for some reason, and he felt led to talk to me.  I was quite overwhelmed and pretty surprised. 

Is this God's way of saying that I have had enough "time off" and I need tro begin my active pursuit of Seminary again?  It has really made me think.

I assured this church member that I was not a professional counselor, just a pastor's wife who struggles with depression and has a heart for ministry.  He wants to sit and talk, so I agreed (and today I received my next lay speaker's class book "Lay Pastoral Care Giving" in the mail).

I am stepping out in faith to answer what seems to be God's calling. 

It may not sound like a big thing, but I think God moves in mysterious ways.  Sometimes it's the little things that mean the most.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1.  legal pads
2.  an extremely busy day
3.  an upcoming business trip with a dear friend
4.  a new blouse
5.  beginning a new Bible Study

You Just Want to Shake Them

Moving on after the death of someone close to you is very difficult. If you have a spouse, children, close friendships, you can manage. But when your life is tied up into one person and they are suddenly taken away...what do you do? How do you help them move forward?

 Life is a gift. There are so many things to look forward to:
vacations
 the first day of Spring
 a perfectly cooked steak
 the smile of a child
 new beginnings.

 Some people are not strong enough to start over and your first inclination is to want to shake them into understanding! "Don't you see you are being selfish? Don't you see how many people are depending on you? Don't you see that God is not done with you yet?"

We help those in need by praying to God for the words we need to speak. We need to step back, try and step in their shoes and think about their situation. How would we handle being completely alone? How do we help them find the strength they have within themselves?

My prayer for those who are hurting is that God touches their hearts in a way they have never felt. That God stirs in their souls the need to be present in their lives in a way that is worthy of Him.

And that those of us being turned to for help ooze with compassion.

 Today I Am Thankful For:

1. aunts
2. diced pears
3. a clear day
4. catching a bleed early
5. newspapers

The Peanut to my Butter

My adorable husband and I are truly ones who finish each others sentences.

We know how to play "good cop bad cop" extremely well.

 We enjoy simple meals at home with our sons.

 And we love each other more than we did over 20 years ago.

I am most grateful for today, because 48 years ago, he was born.

 His precious mother was single and unwed  (and in those days that was not acceptable).

 But she did the most important thing ever, she loved her unborn child, while unsure of the future.

 Happy Birthday to my adorable husband, Joe Keith MacDonald...the peanut to my butter :)

A few of the reasons I am thankful for Joe:

1.  His crazy lyrics to familiar songs
2.  When he breaks out into a spontaneous dance
3.  He embarrasses my teenager

4.  The nightly "tickle shark" that terrorizes my sons

5.  And because he loves me just the way I am.

Happy Birthday

Six years ago, my life changed. Yes, it was a long, awaited day as my second child came into the world...sleeping and with a perfect haircut. But what I didn't anticipate was how much my "Christian" would teach me. He came 10 years after my first child, so things had changed quite a bit. And with hemophilia....I only thought I knew what I was doing. Here we are, six years later, after more hospital visits than I can count, chemotherapy, a painful right ankle, many, many missed days of school....I could go on. But this is what counts.... Love. Love in the shape of a tough as nails little boy who has already gone through more than many of us every will. Love in the shape of giggles at night with his Daddy as they have "fuzzy face" before going to bed. Love in the shape of the thrill of seeing a monster truck for the first time with his aunts. I just can't even imagine my life without him. Happy Birthday, my sweet love. Today I Am Thankful For: 1. cupcakes 2. presents 3. new jammies 4. grapes 5. school friends

My Dad's Presence

Being fully aware and present is a gift. 

Sometimes a person simply needs to know you are there for them. 

Yesterday I felt my Dad's presence as real as if we were embracing.

I am in Houston with my family to begin the process of packing my mother-in-law's home, put it up for sale, and bury her ashes.  Upon our arrival we went to visit the graves of my parents.  The minute I stepped out of the car, I felt my Dad.  I smelled the aroma of the coffee mill.  See, the mill is next to the school where my father was a principal for many, many years and is several miles away from the cemetary.

I will always remember that smell because I spent many a Saturday morning working at school with him.  From counting textbooks to painting parking blocks...there was always something to do...and always ice cream in the cafeteria :)

I know the answer to the smell of the coffee today...it's windy and cold, so the smell traveled.  But what I know for sure is that my Dad was with me today.  He was with me, even if only for that moment to tell me he loved me.


Today I Am Thankful For:

1.  great restaurants
2.  cool weather
3.  a great night's sleep
4.  a plan
5.  work to be done

Musical Memories

I am playing Oboe and English Horn with the Mesilla Valley Concert Band. We rehearse on Sunday evenings and I have been unable to attend as much as I have wanted to this season due to my bout with pneumonia and "Christian" being in the hospital.
I went to rehearsal last night and a flood of memories come back to me. As I was turning the page on a new piece of music, it would not stay flat. I put my hand on the page and pressed it against the stand. The feel of the paper, brand new paper, with a flurry of notes yet to be played reminded me of my school days. In band with Mrs. Dempsey, Mr. Brinkley, Mr. Hess, private lessons with Mr. Villani and Mr. Weaver. I was always so excited when I had a new piece of music in my hand. There is something about the feel of that paper and knowing that the instruments I play bring it to life.

I am rekindling my passion for music. It has been such a joy in my life. I am not spending as much time playing as I would like, but it is a start. Any time I can put in to being passionate is time well spent.

Today I Am Thankful For:
1. Sunday naps
2. Fresh nail polish
3. Routine
4. Frasier
5. rain

My One Word for 2012 - Hope

The word I have chosen as a focus for 2012 is:

At the forefront of my mind with this word is the health of my five year old, "Christian." He has dealt with so many complications with his hemophilia. In and out of the hospital, painful bleeds, and an ankle that has suffered joint damage.

My hope is that this is the year he has some relief.

My hope is that this year is the year I am able to take my health and well-being to a new level.

My hope is that this year, we begin to heal from the loss of my dear mother-in-law.

But most importantly, my hope is that everything I do is for the Glory of God.

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." Romans 12:12

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. Great Performances
2. Naps
3. A day off
4. An understanding boss
5. Tea lights

My "One Word" for 2011 - Intentional

I heard the buzz in the blogosphere about focusing on one word for the new year. No resolutions, no lists or promises to make, just one word to focus on for the year.

I immediately chose the word "intention."

I wanted to focus on the moments in my life that I take for granted. And it turned out to be a great focus for the year.

I have caught those moments throughout the year sitting with my little one pushed right up against me on the sofa watching a movie, and then sitting with him in the hospital through his pain during his worst bleed ever. I most especially enjoyed the times I would drive back from Albuquerque with my oldest son and we were giggling and being silly as he kept me company, and watching him grow and tower over me. And being there for my dear husband as he struggled with issues in the church and most importantly, as he is grieving the loss of his mother.

I am continuing to learn to "stop and smell the roses." It is something that I have to work on daily. It's all too easy to speed through our lives. We have to remember to stop and savor the little things. Those are the gems in our lives that we often miss and take for granted.

Every moment we have is a gift from God...so let's make the most of our moments.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1.  a clean bathroom
2.  an impromptu soak at the hot springs
3.  remote controls
4.  three prong adapters
5.  warm sweaters

Will Be Back Soon

I'll be back soon…..just been enjoying my family:)

I hope you had a fantastic Christmas and are looking forward to the many, wonderful possibilities that 2012 may bring.

Blessings to you all.

Lights

I must admit, our living room looks just beautiful! We decorated in a flash this past weekend, had a fantastic time, and our efforts paid off. Our living room is absolutely warm and inviting. The most beautiful part of the whole room are the lights. White lights on the tree, colored lights on the garland hanging on the windows, and lights intertwined with the berries on the piano. I am not sure why lights are so warm and inviting during the holiday season, but they just complete everything.
The star the wise men followed must have been brighter than anything we could even imagine. They saw it and followed it without question. I wonder what kind of life the wise men each had. Did they leave their families to follow the star? Were they businessmen or teachers who left behind responsibilities?

“I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” John 8:12 (NIV)

Jesus did not ask us to follow Him in darkness, but in light. Christ lights the way so that we may see each of our steps...even when we turn in the wrong direction. He never leaves us.

Are you letting the light of Christ shine through you? Are you being kind, compassionate and forgiving?

When you see another set of Christmas lights, or a beautiful candle burning, remember that Christ loves you. He is with you in every thought and move you make. Imagine that light oozing out you. That through every breath you take and word you speak that you are truly being the hands and feet of Christ. Carry the beauty of this amazing season with you throughout the year.
Today I Am Thankful For:

1.  rain
2.  ornaments
3.  old movies
4.  an exceptional manicure
5.  a sleeping dog

For the First Time in a Long Time

This was a wonderful weekend. Breakfast on Saturday morning at our favorite little restaurant, decorating the house for the Christmas season, cooking for my family, baking cookies, and going to church for the first time in a couple of weeks (my husband even consecrated the elements so that our family could celebrate Holy Communion together after church). The bottom line is, my family was together.

It was the first time we have had a couple of "normal" days. Nothing earth shattering happened, it was low key, and absolutely wonderful.

My "Christian" is healing well. He is still having trouble with his ankle and has not returned to school quite yet, but all is looking better than a week ago :)

Now that things have settled down, the enormity of the past two weeks has begun to settle in. I was an emotional mess in church this morning. Just being in the presence of my church family, who has loved us through this difficult time, was almost too much.

I am missing my mother-in-law terribly and seeing my husband hurt brings back the pain in losing my mother so many years ago. We change because of our loss. We are never the same, but we move on and try to live our lives as a testament to what our parents taught us and wanted for us.
I think my husband and I are going to have a bit of a hard time getting into the "holiday spirit," but we are going to try our best. We have to remember that life goes on and the way we handle the difficult times in our lives is seen by our children. I want them to know that we are surrounded by love and that through everything, love endures all.
Today I Am Thankful For:

1. Fresh baked cookies
2. Reading scripture
3. Kleeex with "lotion" (much softer)
4. Prescription refills
5. Snuggling with my little one

The Greatest of These

There are several Greek words for love, as the Greek language distinguishes how the word is used. Ancient Greek has four distinct words for love: agápe, éros, philía, and storgē. However, as with other languages, it has been historically difficult to separate the meanings of these words. Nonetheless, the senses in which these words were generally used are given below.

• Agápe (ἀγάπη agápē[1]) means "love" (unconditional love)
• Éros (ἔρως érōs[2]) is passionate love, with sensual desire and longing.
• Philia (φιλία philía[3]) means friendship or affectionate love in modern Greek
• Storge (στοργή storgē[4]) means "affection" in ancient and modern Greek

In my life, I have learned that the most important thing to grasp on to and offer is love. Agape love. The kind of love that has no boundary. The kind of love that has no fee or requirement. The love our Creator has for each and every one of us, regardless of our history.

My God has been busy at work in my life and the lives of each of the members of my family this week. Through the craziness/messiness of our lives, He has been present every moment. I want to share a couple of examples with you.

As "Christian" was at the end of a bad night in the hospital, he fell back to sleep early Tuesday morning. I started to hear him mumble then in a very clear voice said, "Granny, Granny!" I believe she was with him that morning, loving him as dearly in Heaven as she did here on Earth.


My mother-in-law worked at her church as a receptionist part-time. The pastor has been amazing to our family and invited my husband in to preside over the funeral without question. He gave my husband her personal belongings from her desk and one of the items was a compact Bible with a few of her favorite passages highlighted. 1 Corinthians 13 was one of them...it was the scripture my husband based his sermon for the funeral...he did not look in her Bible until after the funeral.

Throughout this week filled with crisis for our family I have experienced love in such a way that my heart has literally hurt because it was so full. Old friends coming to the visitation/funeral to support my family, friends coming to the hospital to visit me and "Christian" as we have been separated from our family, phone calls of encouragement from far away, Facebook words of encouragement and understanding, our church family filling in where needed and helping us in every way possible. And the unbelievable generosity and love shown to me through my "work" family. I have been humbled and so filled with gratitude for everything this week that I cannot find the appropriate words to express the magnitude of how I have been deeply touched.

"If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."

1 Corinthians 13 (NIV)

Today I Am Thankful For:

Love

It's Hard to Receive

My "Christian" is having one of the worst bleeds of his five years (started Friday night) and we are in the hospital trying to manage his pain. In the midst of the bleed, we received the phone call you dread...in the wee hours of the morning...that my mother-in-law passed away.

I immediately put my husband on a plane with the thought we would follow (drive) the next afternoon.
I am still in the hospital with Christian. We had planned on driving yesterday to get there in time for the viewing and funeral. As long as the doctor had us set up with the appropriate meds, etc.

My colleagues at work know our situation and I received a call from one of them this morning that we were having flights to Houston donated to us so that we did not have to make the 14 hour journey in the car...stopping every 2-3 hours to administer meds, etc. They are worried about us and are trying to do what they can to help us.
I had my colleague/friend who called me repeat at least three times what she had said about the donated flights. I was shocked and overwhelmed. Completely and utterly humbled. I can't hardly put words to my feelings right now because my heart literally hurts because it is so full.

Sunday was another story. My husband had to preach, so he left me in charge to take over. That was, until Christian had to go to the hospital. He reached out to one of our lay speakers and she handled everything Sunday morning and had members of the congregation chip in to help the service along. Then, the members of the church stayed after and decorated the entire church for the season. They all banded together and forged ahead.

We have been taken care of. Ministered to.

It's hard to be ministered to when you are a "minister".

My heart is full, oozing with gratitude.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. Kind hearts
2. Colleagues who are truly friends
3. A good shower
4. My job
5. The moments my son is sleeping through his pain

A Great Loss

I have been very fortunate to have a mother-in-law who loved me as her own daughter. Not only did she take me in as her own, but so did all of her brothers and sisters. I have many aunts and uncles and cousins. They aren't "my husband's family," they are mine.

Heaven has another angel. Ruby Jane Jensen went home to the Lord on Saturday, November 26th. The mother of the love of my life and grandmother to my boys is no longer with us on this Earth. She was the last parent I had here to call my own.

I am going to miss her daily morning calls to check in and have her say she loved me.

I am going to miss seeing her hug my children and love them without abandon.

I am going to miss the shopping (she taught me that a woman needs more than one purse) :)

I will miss cooking for her when she comes to my house (especially making her favorite salsa).

I will miss the annual holiday decoration from Avon she would send me (you know, the obnoxious kind that talks and sings….).

And I will miss having that person to call to give the scoop on my children and/or our latest accomplishments, escapades and the like.

Early in our relationship, Ruby and I did not get along very well. My mother would fuss at me and tell me "She is going to be around longer than me and you better be nice and get along!"

I'm so glad I took my mother's words to heart and forged a great relationship with Ruby.

I already miss her. I'm so glad I had a chance to tell her that I loved her last week.

Her love truly changed my life.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. Hope

2. Purple

3. Aunts

4. Road trips

Little Hearts Know

Saturday started out as a really nice day. We slept in late, went to our favorite little Mexican restaurant for breakfast, shopped for our Thanksgiving feast and walked through the local craft show at the fair barn. We were enjoying being home.

After we returned home, I felt that "dip" when my depression wants to begin. I made myself keep "doing" and not give in to lying down and sleeping. That is dangerous for me. Around 2 o'clock, I was headed back to my room, everyone was doing something, and I just wanted to sneak away. All of a sudden my little "Christian" tugs at my shirt and says "Mommy, let's make some cookies." So we put on
our aprons and made cookies. He was precious! We had a great time.

I hung on until around dinner time and finally gave in. I took a shower early and went back to my room. But who was right on my heels? Christian. He would not leave me alone. He stayed in my room with me all evening. He brought in his toys to play, we snuggled and watched a movie. He was exceptionally loving towards me. It was a huge comfort.

You don't have to tell your children everything about how you are feeling. If things are not right, they know, they feel it.

I am so blessed to have two, amazing sons. They are compassionate, caring boys. Their hearts are amazing. God has entrusted these two souls to me and my husband to raise and love with all of our hearts. How could I ask for anything more? How can I let my depression rob me of the moments I have with my family?

I just have to rejoice through my depression. Pray through my depression and in all circumstances give thanks to God so that His will is done in my life.

Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. Band rehearsal
2. Quiet time
3. A long, awaited doctor's appointment
4. Fun jewelry
5. My mother-in-law's continued recovery from surgery

Nudges

The past two weeks have been pretty difficult. My depression has been rearing its ugly head, and it tends to do that during the Thanksgiving season. It's one of my most favorite times of year, but also one of the hardest.

On a recent Friday evening, I was not doing very well. All I wanted to do was crawl into bed and go to sleep. I told my husband how I was feeling and we piled into the car and went to Las Cruces (an hour away) to do a little shopping. I needed to get some makeup so we stopped by the day spa that carries the brand I use. Again, I was feeling beyond lousy and putting one foot in front of the other was a feat in itself. The young lady working the counter told me they were out of what I needed. She asked me to give her five minutes to try something new. I looked like a completely different person! Something as small and insignificant as the shade of my makeup changed me completely! Yes, she was doing her job, but she really did not have to go out of her way to try something new on me. She could have said they were out and to come back in a few days, but she didn't. I appreciated her going the extra mile.

I kept thinking about her act of kindness. She had no idea how deeply she touched me and that she helped me find my way out of a very, dark day.

I wrote a letter to the manager and simply told her that this lovely, young woman went out of her way to help me and it made me feel better. That young lady left me a message later in the week, filled with gratitude that I went out of my way to thank her, and she even got an early bonus :) She left me a beautiful message, wishing God's blessings on me and my family.

I was so excited that I felt God's nudge on my heart that day, even through a serious bout of depression, and responded. I felt the Holy Spirit whisper in my ear. It was huge. Yes, the Holy Spirit was made known to me through a simple change in makeup, but nonetheless was real and alive.

Have you felt that nudge on your heart? Has God been impressing on you to reach out to someone by speaking a word of kindness, send card, or simply be present?

Don't ignore that feeling. You never know when you may be on the other end of what He is planning.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. Suitcase surprises
2. New jeans
3. Clean laundry
4. New, fuzzy socks
5. My mother-in-law coming through surgery

The Actor's Studio

I love watching The Actor's Studio. The auditorium where the show is filmed in New York is filled with acting students. The host, James Lipton, interviews actors and gives the audience members the opportunity to ask questions of some of their idols. At the end of the interview, Lipton asks a series of questions of the actor that are the same for everyone. One of the most interesting questions is

"If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?"

Some answers are funny and others very poignant.

What would you hope the Creator of the Universe would say to you? When we think about what our lives would amount to at the end of our time here on Earth it may actually change how we are currently living our lives. For myself, I tend to think not only of how I treat others, but mostly, how I treat myself. The things I tell myself that are not true and the verbal "beating" I take on a daily basis is not very healthy. I treat others much better than I treat myself. It is time to put myself in the same category as the people I come in contact with every day.

I came across a quote which seems to sum up how we should live. .

"Give more than is expected, love more than seems wise, serve more than seems necessary, and help more than is asked." Cory Booker, mayor of Newark, New Jersey

It sounds so simple, and I think to a point it is. We need to give of ourselves as much as we possibly can, love to the point of no return, serve our God and others with every part of our soul and go the extra mile for others, and ourselves.

“Jesus said, "'Love the Lord your God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence.' This is the most important, the first on any list. But there is a second to set alongside it: 'Love others as well as you love yourself.' These two commands are pegs; everything in God's Law and the Prophets hangs from them." Matthew 22: 36-40 (The Message)

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. The National Hemophilia Annual Meeting 2. rekindling old relationships
3. being in a new city with my family
4. having my boys meet other boys their age with hemophilia
5. factor to travel