A New Commitment

Well, I've started again. My weight loss journey, that is. I hit the treadmill at the gym. The crazy thing is, when I am there walking, I feel like I'm not doing enough. I see the weights and they are just too overwhelming. I figure that I will at least get started with my cardio work and try to be consistent with that before I even think about weights.

Why can't I keep focused? I am going to turn 40 in a few months and I absolutely hate how I look and feel. Shouldn't that be enough to keep me motivated? I think it's the fact that I want everything to happen overnight. How crazy is that? I know in my heart, it will take time, but it is just so easy to get discouraged.

This time has to be different. I have to do it. I have to remember to keep God first in everything, especially this. I know I can do anything and everything through Him. I think Satan just really knows my weaknesses and hits me hard.

Here's to Living Well!

A Random Act of Kindness

I spent almost two weeks in Houston and was reminded of the ills of big city living. Traffic, traffic, traffic! Also, Houston has the kind of humidity that will literally drench you from head to toe. Needless to say, there was not much that I missed (except for the Tex-Mex).

One sight you will see on almost every corner is someone panhandling. I hate that I am so negative towards these people. It must be hard to stand, for everyone to see, and ask for food and/or money. I am sure many of those people are in desperate need, but I do know that others are looking for drug money or even an easy way to make a few bucks.

As I was waiting at a light on the feeder to the freeway, a man was walking between the lanes of traffic with a bucket for money. A woman in a Range Rover leaned over and through the passenger window, handed him a big Ziploc bag. It was filled with a root bear, soap, various toiletries and snacks.

Wow! What a wonderful idea! She obviously took the time to make up a bag (I'm sure she had a few in her car), put thought into what someone on the street might need, and gave of herself. She was the hands and feet of Christ to that man.

I want to have a heart like that woman. I want to give freely, without judgement. I want to see others as God does. Each and every person a creation in Christ.

Surrender

In the corporate world, you really don't know if you will have a job from one day to the next. Without warning, you could get "the phone call" and be jobless. When I took a job in this world five years ago, I was constantly worried about "the phone call". Thankfully, it has yet to come.

I kept questioning myself and often wondered why I left such a comfortable position in the teaching world to go out to the unknown. I knew it was God, but the uncertainty made me crazy.

I was talking to my boss about our positions in the company today as we heard the news of her boss, and dear friend, resigning to take advantage of a wonderful opportunity. She asked me if I was worried about my job and for the first time in five years I honestly, without reservation told her that I wasn't. I went on to tell her that if the company was going to let me go, there was not much I could probably do about it and that God would be leading me on a different path...a better one.

Wouldn't it be great if we approached everything in our lives this way? To keep in the front of our minds that God has ordained our paths and when one door closes, another will open. It may not open when we want it to or even lead to where we think we should go, but we need to surrender ourselves to God's will completely, and everyday.

I have to remind myself everyday "Not my will, by thy will be done".

"Wadee" and Ladybugs

In a mere hour we will be heading back home! I can't believe we survived the bohemian, one room, student apartment for 12 days! It really has not been that bad, but the thought of my own bed is heavenly.

This morning I took my 2 year old, Christian, for our last walk on campus. He was all excited about seeing the "wadee". Water, that is. There are several ponds with lilypads and running water and he absolutely goes crazy over watching the flies on the water and the little waterfalls.

Well, we had a couple of beautiful surprises this morning. On our way, we saw the most beautiful (and enormous) butterfly. He was black and yellow having a good old time in a patch of flowers. My Christian's eyes were huge. We stood for several minutes watching the beauty of this little creature hopping from flower to flower. When he flew off, Christian blew him a great big kiss. How beautiful is that?

We finally reached our "wadee" destination and while Christian was climbing down from the little ledge that lined the walkway he saw a ladybug. It was all alone, looking for a way down. I put the ladybug on my hand and Christian went nuts! He must have thought I was going to hurt it, so I put it back down and we sat and watched it run around until it disappeared.

Children and innocence. It's a beautiful thing. I am blessed to have a little one in my life again for many reasons, but today, he helped me to see the beauty in the tiniest things God has created.

A Reminder

Both of my sons have a bleeding disorder, Severe Hemophilia A. My 12 year old has not had major complications or "bleeds" and we have been extremely blessed with his journey with hemophilia.

My little one is another story. Everything that Lance did not experience Christian has. Tonight we went to dinner (Japanese Hibachi! YUM!) and as we were leaving the restaurant, Christian was limping. That's the thing with hemophilia, a bleed can happen for no reason.

His ankle was swelling so off we went to the apartment to infuse. It will take several infusions over the next few days to clear it up, but fortunately we have medication that can help him.

I get angry with myself because my selfishness rears its ugly head with hemophilia sometimes. I think to myself, "Great. We need to stop everything and infuse." What I really need to think is, "Great! We can stop and infuse and everything will be okay." I hate that that side of me comes out. It's just not pretty.

Am I thrilled and happy that my sons have to deal with this disorder? No. But I do know for sure that God knew the obstacles they would have in their lives and I am privledged enough that He saw me fit to guide them.

"Thank you, Father, for the lives you have entrusted to my care. I am grateful that we have factor to treat their bleeds and enough love and compassion to deal with the things that hemophilia brings our way."

Working from Home

I work from home and that can truly be a challenge. First of all, you really need to be a highly motivated, self starter, and sometimes you just don't feel like living up to those expectations.

My job allows me to work wherever my laptop and cell phone are able to be connected. The world wide web is an amazing thing. But, working from a home office can get lonely and it does not help my depression at times.

When I was going through some very dark roads after my father died this past fall, my depression was eating my lunch. Working from home was not going well. I truly felt as if my life was falling apart. My husband (the Music Minister at our church) moved my office to his choir room. It truly saved my life. Being around people and having to physically go in to work helped to put me back on track. I am an "honorary staff member". They are wonderful folks.

Today has just been a great Monday. Work has been good, I've been extremely productive my family is together (in our one room apartment until we head home Friday..Woo Hoo!) and the sun is shining.

What can I say, God is Good All the Time!

Being Thankful.....

Yesterday was not a good day. The day before, we traveled from Deming to Denver and arrived at 11:30 pm Sunday night. I decided to bring the boys up to Denver while my husband takes his summer classes at Iliff.

We are in a one room efficiency apartment....the toilet overflowed three times.....I was exhausted and had a conference call at 8 am .......I was not a happy camper.

Needless to say, I was in a very bad mood. I was already trying to decide when me and the boys would be heading back home. I know I stressed my husband out and I really felt bad, but I was miserable! Why did I decide to load up and come for two weeks (of course, it was my idea)?

God helped me to see how selfish I was being. I wanted to pack up and come so we would all be together. I am blessed with a job that allows me to work wherever my laptop and cell phone work, so why not keep the family together?

My husband and I are best friends. We don't do well when the other is away. I mean, we handle the duties of mom/dad fine when the other is gone, but we are so connected. We are truly complete together (I know, that's a bit codependent...but we're close).

Today was a much better day. I was more productive with work, was able to stock the kitchen, went for a walk before the kids were up and just had a better attitude.

We're staying. I am living the saying "Home is where your heart is" because I am with all my guys. It doesn't matter how many rooms you have (or if you have cable) it's all about being together and showing love for each other.

"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18