I Cried....

I took my Christian to see the surgeon this morning, and he said that the port needs to come out...Friday! The doctor will place a PICC line for temporary access until the site heals and in a few weeks we go back for a new port (and a lengthier hosital stay).

On our two hour drive home, I cried at least halfway.

I cried because my Christian has dealt with so much.

I cried while remembering life before Christian when only Lance was around and how much easier all of this hemophilia stuff was. I had no idea then.

I cried because I often feel like I've no one to talk to. That's when I called my good buddy "T" in Houston :)

Needless to say, I was just being a woman :)

I know that hemophilia has been placed in our lives for many reasons. And I think one of the greatest reasons is that the good Lord knew my hubby and I could handle raising two, very different, boys with this disorder. That we were equipped to teach them all they need to know without feeling sorry for themselves.

To ultimately teach us a thing or two.

But don't we all have our "hemophilia?"

I have a friend dealing with major issues with her step daughter, another with financial problems, a couple with issues dealing with a loved one and their absence...everyone has something.

I don't think anyone can say their problem is worse than the other...it's their problem that needs to be prayed upon. It's their problem that God is in the middle of, maybe they just don't know it yet.

Whatever your "hemophilia" is, I pray that the Lord blesses you, strenghens you and shows up in amazing ways through your situation.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. an old "mixed" CD
2. animal crackers
3. text messages
4. a boss who cares
5. two more nights at home

More Waiting.....

My Christian has been through the ringer over the last few weeks. His port has still not healed and we have another appointment on Wednesday to determine whether or not the port will need to be replaced. He's had an IV in his arm since leaving the hospital a week ago. He' a tough little kid.

The unknowns make me crazy! Will they tell us he has to be admitted to the hospital immediately? Can we schedule the surgery to adapt to our lives, etc.

Only the Lord knows what will happen. We just have to take it one step at a time.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. coffee
2. my new glasses
3. lukewarm water
4. ConKerr Cancer (provides pillowcases in the hospital)
5. daily tear off calendars

The Day My Life Began

Fourteen years ago, my life began. I always go back to that moment, when my oldest son was born.

I base everything off of when my life changed and I became a mom for the first time.

I remember seeing him for the first time, the doctor laying him on my chest and almost suffocating from the extreme love that came out of me. It was overwhelming. Something I will never forget.

When I was pregnant with Lance I always wondered, "Will he be musical like me and his Dad?"

Is he ever! He can sing like an angel and plays the oboe (like his mama).

He is so much like his father....funny, offbeat, singing all of the time. He is his own person and doesn't care what anyone else thinks about his personality.

I pray that high school brings him more opportunities and places to fit in comfortably.

I wish I could be with him all of the time to ward off those who don't understand him, but that will never happen again.

It has been my privledge to be his mom. I can't wait to see what the next year brings.

I love you, Lance.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. your video games

2. always ordering the same drink at SONIC

3. your favorite foods are easiest to prepare :)

4. you actually can clean your room

5. your love of music

I Prayed

I'm ashamed to admit it, but since I've been in the hospital with Christian I've not been spending time with God.



Yes, I cried out to him when Christian was being poked while trying to place an IV, but I've not spent time with the Lord on a regular basis.



We get into our routines at home (which I can't wait to do again) and the minute we go out of town, or an emergency arises, everything changes.



The time I spend with God daily is important to me. Why don't I continue that regardless of where I am at?



I think a lot of it is that we are truly creatures of habit.



Personally, I thrive on schedules and expectations, but when that world is pulled out from under me, things get difficult.



I prayed this morning and felt peace. I know God is always there, but I want to keep that relationship strong.



Prayer is not simply requests, it's about relationship.



What's your relationship like right now?



Today I Am Thankful For:



1. cotton balls

2. conference calls

3. white boards

4. 4 glasses for a dollar

5. hospital blankets

Waiting and Healing

When things are out of your hands, what do you do?

Wait.

We are having to wait for Christian's port to heal so that we can use it when we leave the hospital. Otherwise, we would not be able to infuse him when needed.

Patience.

Something my Dad had quite a bit of and something I've developed over the years.

Certain things we cannot rush and when we try we usually get into trouble.

Healing.

Not just the physical, but the emotional.

Sometimes you have to just give everything up to God and say "Thy will be done."

Healing.

I've been dealing with healing on the physical level lately, but I have a lot of healing to do inside as well.

Healing from a relationship that will never be the same.

Healing from the loss of both parents.

Healing from loneliness.

I am so thankful that I have God on my side to help me heal...one day at a time.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. hydrogen peroxide
2. Subway cups
3. crushed ice
4. dinner with a friend
5. my family being together

After Camp...

After camp my life went in a different direction.



I'm still not home.



Last Friday the guys met me for lunch after camp in Albuquerque before I had to fly out to Wisconsin to speak at a bleeding disorders event. Christian started having a bleed and some problems with his port, so off to the hospital we went. We were admitted and are still here.



Things are looking better, it just takes time for healing (I never did get on that plane).



I sent my husband and Lance home Saturday evening so they could take care of church Sunday and continue with their plans of going on to music camp in Sacramento. No need to put everything on hold.



So, Christian and I sit and wait for healing. We are hoping to go home by Wednesday.



When you are in the hospital with a sick child, the loneliness sets in pretty quick. Especially when you are not close to family and friends. But today a ray of light came into my life.



A new friend, who I spent last week at camp with as a counselor, came to visit us today! And she brought treats!



A new friend is always exciting but when someone goes out of their way to visit you, and takes the time to bring you a few things...it's just an overwhelming feeling.



The three of us spent our time in the playroom this afternoon. Christian held her captive...she was new and a willing participant to play :)



God shows up...all the time.



Today I Am Thankful For:



1. My new friend "D"

2. peanuts

3. fruit

4. $3 fire engines

5. duct tape

Hit Over the Head

I feel like I've been hit over the head with a 2 x 4.



I am at Camp Sangre Valiente ( a camp for children with bleeding disorders and their siblings). I am so out of my element that it is almost too much to bear.



The first day I wanted to run away! I am not kidding!



I am a counselor for the younger girls. I have boys, so being around drama and giggling, etc. is very foreign to me, eventhough I taught this age for years.



But I know the Lord led me here for a reason.



To let go.



To experience something new.



To get out of my comfort zone.



To see how passionate members of the industry are in loving these kids and giving of themselves competely.



Isn't that what Christ calls us to do?



To love unconditionally?



Today I Am Thankful For:



1. Skype

2. strong coffee

3. sunscreen

4. bug spray

5. homemade desserts

The Wee Hours

I'm sitting here in Glorieta, NM anticipating the big day for my husband.

I can't sleep!

All of his years of hard work have come to this moment.

He has answered his call.

He stepped out in faith in a huge way to do the Lord's work.

It is the right time.

I am so proud of him. I only pray that I listen and am tuned in to what the Lord wants me do and can answer in the same way.

Yes, it will be a different course, but I want to open my heart to hear and feel what the Lord wants me to do.

I will be sharing more about the ceremony this evening. Prayers appreciated!

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. stars
2. open windows
3. being spontaneous
4. no television
5. old friends