Reconnecting

I am on vacation! Me the hubs and our boys came to Colorado for a week of respite. With the exception of a doctor's appointment for "Christian", we have not had plans. We have slept in, eaten very well and just been together. We are heading to Colorado Springs tomorrow and back to New Mexico on Friday.

It has been wonderful (despite the blizzard and not having our heavy coats) :)

The highlight of our trip has been the never ending game of UNO (or as Christian calls it NANO)! Seven times through the deck and I was the winner! It is these times of togetherness that money cannot buy.

We all get so busy with work and lessons and homework and ministry that our connections to our family can get broken. It is critical that we take the time to recharge and refresh our hearts and minds.

That's where I am and will be back next week with a renewed heart and mind.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. cold toes

2. diner food

3. no schedules

4. unplugging the phone

5. letting go

 

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Joy ….Revisited

Did you select a "word" for 2013?  (It's not too late)!

 My "OneWord" for 2013 is Joy.  I want to spend this year recognizing and relishing in the joy in my life and not letting those moments slip past me unnoticed.  I guess you could say it's also about being more intentional. 

If you think there is no joy in your life and everything seems to be filled with gloom and doom, then I invite you to start reading a book that I just began, "Until I SayGoodbye," by Susan Spencer-Wendel with Bret Witter.  Susan is a fortysomething mother of two, happily married journalist who was diagnosed with ALS (Lou Gehrig's disease) in 2009.  She has written a book about celebrating life.

"HarperCollins calls Susan’s story 'a powerfully emotional, inspirational and irrepressibly joyous look at the things that matter most… Until I Say Goodbye is the fulfillment of her final wish: "To make people laugh and cry and hug their children and joke with their friends and dwell in how wonderful it is to be alive."

Talk about putting life into perspective.

This brave woman wanted nothing more than to dedicate year to joy, to visit places she had never been, to give each of her children a special experience as a final gift and to leave those of us fortunate enough to read her final work words of inspiration.

These past several months have been filled with challenges in our family surrounding the health of our youngest son.  But through all of the hospitals, treatments, ice packs, days of school and work missed, factor, and pain, God has been evident in our lives.  He has helped me remember that things can always be worse and that where we currently are is where we are to be.  It is His plan...even if I don't particularly like the path sometimes.

We have had tons of joyous moments in the hospital as we sit and wait and wait some more.  Joyous moments as we are "forced" to be still and change plans, and joyous moments as we see the all too familiar faces on the 6th floor as we are admitted and even better, when we are discharged.

Thank you, Susan, for sharing your heart and your passion.  You have helped me to remember that my journey is important.  That I have a purpose in this world, and that our lives are truly filled with many chapters. 

Today I Am Thankful For:

1.  Freshly polished toes

2.  An exceptionally, wonderful horseback ride

3.  Too many books

4.  Sunday afternoons

5.  Felt tip markers

His Best

I am having a hard time believing this nugget of inspiration right now.

I know that everything in our lives happens for a purpose. A purpose that may be easy to see during the event but often times it takes quite some time to understand the reasons why we go through certain trials and tribulations.

In this case the "No" we were given was regarding "Christian's" treatment for his inhibitor (complication as a result of his hemophilia). Two different drugs were administered and both caused significant reactions in my sweet boy. We had been waiting for over six years for this treatment to start with the hopes of eradicating the inhibitor, and it looks like this will not be the path for treatment.

How can I possibly think that God's best did not happen for my sweet Christian? Doesn't the Creator of the Universe, the One who I put all my trust in, The Most High want my son to move forward the best way possible with his bleeding disorder?

I am not asking for God to "take the hemophilia away", I am just asking for it to be a little easier in treating my son's extremely painful, limiting bleeds. It is devastating to see him in pain.

I believe that I am a woman of faith...but even women of faith shake sometimes. I don't like the feeling of defeat that I am feeling right now. I know that I have done everything I physically can for my son and would give my life for him, and I pray that the next chapter of battling this bleeding disorder will bring relief for my son.

Thank you, Father. I know that the best is yet to come.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. late night flights
2. washer/dryers in hotels
3. hospital food
4. thinking ahead
5. ninjas

Stop! Be Still!

We don't stop.  Our lives are filled with craziness and we just keep moving from one thing to the next.  Work is busy, the kids schedules keep us hopping and our church ministry is ongoing.  Teaching a bible study, making dinner, getting homework done….it just doesn't stop.

Our family was forced to stop over the past several days.  "Christian" had another really intense knee bleed and everything came to a screeching halt so we took him to the hospital where he was admitted for five days.  Work takes a back seat, making dinner definitely does not happen, and running back and forth from home to the hospital commences.

When you are in the hospital with a child, there is only so much you can do.  You are forced to put your life on hold and take care of what is most important.  I think this is one of those "God things".  I am forced to take a moment to breathe without the worries of everyday living.  It's not exactly the best way to slow down, but sometimes it takes these moments to make us focus.

Waiting teaches us who we are.  That still, small voice in our heads is God trying to get through to us.

We should use the Lenten season to listen to what God is trying to tell us as we prepare for Easter.  Slowing down is not in our vocabulary, but it's amazing what becomes important when you do take a moment to really look at what is going on around you.

"Let be and be still, and know (recognize and understand) that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations! I will be exalted in the earth!"  Psalm 46:10 (AMP)

The Most Awful Night

Wednesday night was one of the worst nights of my life. My "Christian" came into the hospital due to an ankle bleed on Tuesday. We could not control his pain at home. His ankle bleeds are notoriously painful….just off the charts.

A morphine pump had to be used and he could just get comfortable. His pain was unbearable. Long story short, it was too much. He got into the kind of deep sleep that children going into surgery get into. He would not wake up. I kept rubbing his legs and arms and kept wiping his face with a wet cloth. I was out of my mind! The room was filled with doctors and nurses working to get him to wake up and they gave him medicine to reverse the morphine. It was so painful to watch him come off the morphine.

For a moment, which seemed like an eternity, I thought he would not wake up. What would I do if he did not wake up? It was the worst feeling of my life.

You think you know what hemophilia is all about. The bleeds, the infusing, talking to the school nurse constantly, having boxes and boxes of supplies...enough to open a small pharmacy...and you get so enveloped into the hemophilia that you don't think that something else could happen.

Years ago some friends of ours, with a 2 year old son who had severe hemophilia, died from choking. Choking. Their lives were so immersed into the bleeding disorder that nothing else ever crossed their minds and it was devastating.

I'm not saying we should worry about living, but when you have a wake up call like I did, it reminds you to not take things for granted. Build Legos, snuggle and watch a movies, take their hand and follow them to their room to play.

We never know when our last day will be, so let's make the most of each and every moment.

Hum Drum Moments

My days are filled with schedule now that school has started.  Dropping off "Lance", devotional time, breakfast, "Christian" getting ready for school followed by work and then going the rounds of picking up in the afternoon. 

 It's easy to get complacent and miss out on the beauty of the "hum drum".  Hum drum meaning, cooking dinner, driving kids to school, getting bath water ready, washing dishes...I just get on auto pilot sometimes.

Last night I had a moment with my little Christian.  I was baking cookies, ironing, cleaning the kitchen and helping him with his 1st grade homework.  As I leaned over his shoulder to hear him practice his reading, something made me completely stop.  For a moment I breathed in the smell of my son's neck.  It was that smell that only mom's of little boys can love and appreciate...a smell filled with sweat, dirt and puppy dogs.  I don't remember the exact words he read, but I could see the sweat on his brow as he concentrated.

I just adore my children and my husband.  Sometimes I feel as though I take them for granted.  I need to take time to enjoy those moments in each day of the hum drum happenings of life.  You never know when your last day will come, and I want to cherish every part of what I have been blessed with in this world.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1.  Oatmeal cookies

2.  Freshly pressed curtains
3.  Pencils with a dull point
4.  The whirring of a ceiling fan
5.  schedule

Talking and Laughing

"Lance" came home today talking a mile a minute.  Remember, this is my son who has not been excited about school in a few years.  He is now involved with the drama department at the high school and is so excited he could hardly put into words the events of his day.  He ended by saying "I've just had a great day."  My heart was overflowing with thanks when I heard those words come out of his mouth.

Talking and talking and talking...a beautiful sound.

 And the laughter!  I don't care what has happened in our day, my Junior in High School and First Grader both expect to be tickled by their Dad!  It's madness!  They have code to scream out at the top of their lungs in order for their Dad to stop….for Lance it's "MINERVA!" and for Christian it's "MONSTER TRUCK MINERVA!"  (I know, it makes no sense :)

This is one of those days where I know, without any doubt, that my children are utterly happy...

My family is in one of the best places they have ever been in…

And my God is with me despite my shortcomings, always.

It just doesn't get better.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1.  Popcorn

2.  A new project with my hubby

3.  Cleaning ladies

4.  Beads

5.  The first "crisp" feeling in the air

Wow! Thank you, God!

My 16 year old, "Lance", has been in on-line school for the past two years.  It's not been a good fit.  We had to pull him out of public school due to some really serious bullying and at the time, it was the only choice.  Yesterday he went back to public school, as a junior, and I'll be honest, the night before I could not sleep because I was so worried about him.  He had a fantastic day!  Thank you, God!  Lance walked into the house with a spring in his step like I haven't seen in a very, long time.

And my 6 year old, "Christian", met his 1st grade teacher on Wednesday.  All I can say is "SHAZAM!"  She is fantastic!  My husband and I absolutely love her :)  We instantly had a connection with her and I am really looking forward to the school year.  She even asked me to come in for story time on Monday to talk to the class about hemophilia.  I am really excited.

To be honest, Monday, and Tuesday were pretty yucky for me...my depression was starting to play with me and I was just having a really bad time.  Wednesday came and things were looking up...I started to sink again...but when my Lance came in after school, it completely lifted my spirits.

My children are my heart and soul.  I want nothing more than for them to be happy.

Let's face it, they are the only ones who know what my heart sounds like from the inside.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1.  backpacks
2.  freshly sharpened pencils
3.  shopping for school clothes
4.  phone calls from dear friends
5.  new, spiral notebooks

Suffering

Everyone suffers something.

But when children suffer, it breaks your heart. 

 When your child suffers, and you can't take the pain away, you would give your life for them. 

 I walked past a room yesterday (as I am here in the hospital with "Christian" as he recovers from a knee bleed) and the mom of a teenage boy suffering with asthma was standing outside the door sobbing.  I stopped, and put my hand on her shoulder.  She started to talk through the tears about his suffering.  I know without a doubt she would have given her life at that very moment for her son.

 A mother's love is something you just don't mess with. 

 But how do you give thanks through the suffering?

God did.  He knew what He was doing by sending Jesus to die for us.  I can't even imagine the enormity of that sacrifice.  Yes, I would give my life for my child, but giving up my child's life? 

We'll never know and completely understand that gift.  But what we do is work to live a life pleasing to God through our every move and through every word.

As Holy Week begins, I want to spend time in reflection by trying to wrap my mind around the sacrifice that was made for me.  I mean, I am a sinner beyond words, and God knew I would struggle, yet He sent His Son for me.

God loves me just the way I am...sin  and all.  Let's start each day remembering that God loves each and every one of us without doubt and beyond measure.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1.  iPads

2.  City lights from the hospital window

3.  The whirring of monitors in the hospital room

4.  Dry erase boards

5.  Reclining chairs

Happy Birthday

Six years ago, my life changed. Yes, it was a long, awaited day as my second child came into the world...sleeping and with a perfect haircut. But what I didn't anticipate was how much my "Christian" would teach me. He came 10 years after my first child, so things had changed quite a bit. And with hemophilia....I only thought I knew what I was doing. Here we are, six years later, after more hospital visits than I can count, chemotherapy, a painful right ankle, many, many missed days of school....I could go on. But this is what counts.... Love. Love in the shape of a tough as nails little boy who has already gone through more than many of us every will. Love in the shape of giggles at night with his Daddy as they have "fuzzy face" before going to bed. Love in the shape of the thrill of seeing a monster truck for the first time with his aunts. I just can't even imagine my life without him. Happy Birthday, my sweet love. Today I Am Thankful For: 1. cupcakes 2. presents 3. new jammies 4. grapes 5. school friends

It's Hard to Receive

My "Christian" is having one of the worst bleeds of his five years (started Friday night) and we are in the hospital trying to manage his pain. In the midst of the bleed, we received the phone call you dread...in the wee hours of the morning...that my mother-in-law passed away.

I immediately put my husband on a plane with the thought we would follow (drive) the next afternoon.
I am still in the hospital with Christian. We had planned on driving yesterday to get there in time for the viewing and funeral. As long as the doctor had us set up with the appropriate meds, etc.

My colleagues at work know our situation and I received a call from one of them this morning that we were having flights to Houston donated to us so that we did not have to make the 14 hour journey in the car...stopping every 2-3 hours to administer meds, etc. They are worried about us and are trying to do what they can to help us.
I had my colleague/friend who called me repeat at least three times what she had said about the donated flights. I was shocked and overwhelmed. Completely and utterly humbled. I can't hardly put words to my feelings right now because my heart literally hurts because it is so full.

Sunday was another story. My husband had to preach, so he left me in charge to take over. That was, until Christian had to go to the hospital. He reached out to one of our lay speakers and she handled everything Sunday morning and had members of the congregation chip in to help the service along. Then, the members of the church stayed after and decorated the entire church for the season. They all banded together and forged ahead.

We have been taken care of. Ministered to.

It's hard to be ministered to when you are a "minister".

My heart is full, oozing with gratitude.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. Kind hearts
2. Colleagues who are truly friends
3. A good shower
4. My job
5. The moments my son is sleeping through his pain

Little Hearts Know

Saturday started out as a really nice day. We slept in late, went to our favorite little Mexican restaurant for breakfast, shopped for our Thanksgiving feast and walked through the local craft show at the fair barn. We were enjoying being home.

After we returned home, I felt that "dip" when my depression wants to begin. I made myself keep "doing" and not give in to lying down and sleeping. That is dangerous for me. Around 2 o'clock, I was headed back to my room, everyone was doing something, and I just wanted to sneak away. All of a sudden my little "Christian" tugs at my shirt and says "Mommy, let's make some cookies." So we put on
our aprons and made cookies. He was precious! We had a great time.

I hung on until around dinner time and finally gave in. I took a shower early and went back to my room. But who was right on my heels? Christian. He would not leave me alone. He stayed in my room with me all evening. He brought in his toys to play, we snuggled and watched a movie. He was exceptionally loving towards me. It was a huge comfort.

You don't have to tell your children everything about how you are feeling. If things are not right, they know, they feel it.

I am so blessed to have two, amazing sons. They are compassionate, caring boys. Their hearts are amazing. God has entrusted these two souls to me and my husband to raise and love with all of our hearts. How could I ask for anything more? How can I let my depression rob me of the moments I have with my family?

I just have to rejoice through my depression. Pray through my depression and in all circumstances give thanks to God so that His will is done in my life.

Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. Band rehearsal
2. Quiet time
3. A long, awaited doctor's appointment
4. Fun jewelry
5. My mother-in-law's continued recovery from surgery

The Tooth

As the mother of a child with hemophilia, you always dread the call from the nurse at school. What in the world happened today?! Friday afternoon, with an hour of school left, I received that call. Actually, it was the school secretary (she steps in when the nurse is away from the clinic). My "Christian" was enjoying his afternoon snack and when he bit into his orange, his tooth fell out! There was not any blood and all seemed well, but I told the secretary to let the teacher know I was on my way to make sure everything was okay (mainly to ease their minds….they are still getting familiar with hemophilia). I walk in and here comes the teacher at the end of the hallway with Christian and his buddy "Jason". They were coming from outside. They were looking for his tooth that he dropped on the playground! Like a needle in a haystack :)

That sweet teacher went out of her way, and into the afternoon heat, to try and help my boy find his little tooth (so completely not in her job description). My heart was overwhelmed with that act of kindness. I reassured Christian that we would leave a note for the tooth fairy and all would be well (the tooth fairy did stop by the next evening).

I give thanks to the teachers who teach my children. From learning to sit and focus on an activity for a few minutes to conjugating the newest Spanish verb, I don't know what I would do without these men and women.

Teachers are not paid enough and not respected enough. We are surrounded by people who are giving information and pushing us to believe a certain way. But some of our biggest heroes are the men and women in classrooms day in and day out. Working after the last bell rings for the day and even on the weekends. Paying for supplies out of their own pockets and making sure every child understands a new concept. Going the extra mile to make sure each child feels special.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. Playing music
2. Incense
3. Lunch with friends
4. A new playlist on my iPod
5. Plastic hangers

When You Wish...part 2

We are some tired puppies! Day two of theme parks completed! I was worried about "Christian" keeping up with his ankle problems, but so far so good. Roller coasters, simulated rides, Hogwarts...we are having a great time:) We sat down to dinner tonight (at the Give the Kids the World Village) and a huge revelation came over me. My family's biggest worry is how to get in all of the rides and attractions we want to see in the next few days (while avoiding the possible hurricane) and sitting next to us at dinner is a family with a child who is a parapalegic. Another child in the dining room is wearing a leg brace with a strap around her waist for someone to assist her as she walks and other children are wearing caps over their hairless little heads. They have and are continuing to struggle.

Yes, my Christian and Lance have their struggles too, but I will take our struggles any day and make the best of what each day brings.

Each member of my family can walk, sweat and keep up with each other while enjoying ourselves. And when we need to slow down, we do. We love each other like no one else possibly could. This "wish" trip has given me the opportunity to see true, pure joy on the faces of my children. That is a huge gift. It is something I haven't slowed down enough to see lately...and I am grateful.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. Rain
2. Soft, chocolate chip cookies
3. A racing heart (after a thrill ride)
4. Bright colors
5. Swimming pools

Not the Best Idea

I am no good without my family together.

The hubs and "Christian" are still in the hospital (he took over on Tuesday evening) and me and "Lance" are here at home. Lance is finishing up his 9th grade year online and I am trying desperately to catch up with work. I spent 6 days at the hospital and welcomed the break, but my heart is with him, two hours away.

I can't stand being without my guys all together.

What seemed to be the practical, sensible choice, has turned into sadness for me. I know there is nothing I can do sitting in the hospital, but I can be there to comfort my son when he is being poked while searching for an IV. I can go with him to the playroom and take him for walks to keep him occupied. I know my husband is doing all of those things, but I miss them terribly.

Our mojo is completely thrown off.

Christian is supposed to come home tomorrow.

I can't wait to hug their guts :)

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. Skype
2. New cabinet doors
3. Old movies
4. Postage meters
5. Rearranging furniture

The Mind Is a Terrible Thing.....

I am sitting here in the hopsital, day number 4, and we are not leaving until Friday. I am feeling sorry for myself. Guilty for missing so much work this year (I used quite a bit of sick time for myself and my "Christian") and worried about perceptions at my work. My husband and "Lance" are teaching a camp and have no replacements, so I have to be the one at the hospital with Christian.

I just went to get ice for my drink down the hall and in the nourishment room was another mom. She was very friendly, said hello, asked how my day was and I mentioned that all was well and we were staying longer than imagined. She said, "Yes, I understand. We have been here 3 1/2 weeks……."

That's when I wanted to slap myself.

I am on a floor with very, sick children. A 6 month old passed away over the weekend. I thank God for my Christian and that he is doing well. We are here mainly for precautions, not severe complications from his surgery. I think I needed some perspective and God delivered it through that mom.

When you are alone in a hospital room with a five year old, your mind can wander and make more of situations than they actually are. You can destroy relationships and imagine the worst in a matter of minutes.

All I can say, is that I have to do the next right thing.

I have to remember that the God of the Universe loves me just the way I am.

I have to remember that there will always be work to do, but the moments we have caring for our children will slip away in an instant.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. warm socks
2. playrooms
3. styrofoam cups
4. trays
5. ice machines

Why?

The eternal question of "Why do bad things happen to good people?" is a hard one to answer.

There is one situation that comes to mind when I hear this question. It involves my best friend from school and the car accident that completely changed her life. Why did she go through that trauma? Why is her life so markedly different that what she expected? Why did this happen to her?

We lost a cousin this week. He was only 39 and left behind a wife and two young children. Why did this happen? Why are these children not going to grow up with their Daddy?

And the most significant question I have is "Why does my five year old have to suffer with his hemophilia?" Yesterday was absolutely the worst day ever with his hemophilia (you can read about it here). "Why does my precious son have to endure constant infusions, hospitalizations, and pain? What did he do for this to be his reality"?

I don't think God "designates" a person to have a medical condition or "lot" in life. It's not something we can ever understand (this is a complete other blog posting….).

What I do know is that God was present in our terrible day today. He was there when Christian came back from his x-rays to a new, red fire truck. God was there when the Child Life worker came in to calm him down while playing with an iPad. And God was with us when the hematologist looked at me and simply said "he needs a new port."

Everything happens for a particular reason and I am glad the events of the day unfolded the way they did. Even though we are in the hospital for several days, we are definitely where we need to be.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. Good IV's
2. Cookies and milk
3. A shower after a day of running around
4. Darkness
5. Suitcase surprises

Nothing in this World

When you look at your children everything else you have done in your life pales in comparison.

The craziness of a project at work

Misunderstandings

Getting the house painted

Continually picking up after your family

Arguments

Relationships

Love

We can make lists for days about the things that bother us, the things we want to change, the good and the bad. But if you are a parent, the bottom line is that nothing in this world compares to being part of a child's life.

Today, my family celebrates my 15 year old son, "Lance". He came into this world at 9:56 pm on June 23, 1996 and my world has never been the same.

He has taught me about choo-choo trains, bugs, coloring inside the lines, how to eat a juicy grape, watching Disney movies, art, music, bullies, hemophilia, and finding an inner strength I never knew I had.

My life truly began when he was born. I have done and felt things I never dreamed possible. The most amazing thing I've learned how to do is love.

When the doctor placed him on my chest after he was just born, I felt as if I was about to suffocate. I didn't understand at that moment, but came to realize that feeling was love in a way I had never experienced. A full, smothering, all encompassing love.

How do you love someone you just barely met?

God makes that happen.

He brings these little creatures into our lives to change us. To make us more human. To show us how He loves us.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. birthday's
2. marble cake
3. curly bows
4. surprises
5. love

When I Grow Up

I know what I want to be when I grow up.

The person who makes the first phone call to let a family that a wish (Make-a-Wish Foundation) will be granted for their child.

I received that call on Friday morning. It was a moment I can hardly put into words.

It started a couple of months ago when the social worker at our Hemophilia Treatment Center had given me a call and asked if I had her permission to refer my little "Christian" to the Make-a-Wish Foundation. I was a little stunned because I had always thought of the Make-a-Wish as a foundation that gave wishes to children who were dying and extremely sick. I never think of hemophilia as "life threatening" but in actuality, it is. You just make it part of your life.

When the social worker started talking about why she immediately thought of Christian I started to think about everything he has gone through with his medical condition over the past four years. It's been very hard. My older son never had to deal with hemophilia the same way as his little brother. It's been a rough few years, and thankfully he is doing well.

I agreed to let her refer him, never thinking a wish would be granted, so when I received the call on Friday, I heard this sweet, young woman telling me who she was, why she was calling and that Christian will be receiving a wish. My mouth fell open, and tears were rolling down my face. I couldn't even breathe. The fact that someone, several people, thought of my Christian and our entire family, and "authenticated" our struggle was completely overwhelming.

I could hardly speak to her through my tears.

The next step is for a Make-a-Wish team to come and visit us and get to know Christian to determine the type of wish he wants. (I can guarantee it will have something to do with trains!)

More to come on this amazing blessing.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. 800#'s
2. Unexpected, ugly tears
3. Compassion
4. Gluten free pizza (it was really good)!
5. dreams

Passing the Time

I brought my little "Christian" into the hospital around 11:30 pm on Wednesday to Albuquerque (2 hours from home). He was in tons of pain with an ankle bleed that was not getting better despite our constant infusions. About 45 minutes into the drive I regretted not taking the ambulance. He was screaming in pain. Fortunately he finally fell asleep. Hearing his pain is the absolute worst.

We are still here and he is getting better slowly but surely.

I had really hoped we would be home today, but the best thing for him is to be here and heal.

My husband ran rehearsals, Thursday and Friday evenings and has a concert tonight and preaches Sunday morning….I'm on my own. But he just called and is sneaking away for a few hours before his concert to come see us! (After hours of Disney Junior and deep, stimulating conversation with a five year old, I am pretty excited that he is coming for a bit :)


Sitting and waiting can be a nice thing. You can read, surf the internet, nap, etc. but it can also be a dangerous thing.

My mind can be a dangerous neighborhood when I am there alone, you know what I mean?

Doubt creeps in about everything; I wonder if I am a good enough mother and wife, I start to beat myself up about my weight, do I portray the appropriate image and do all I need to do as the wife of a pastor, and I wonder if I had done things differently on any given day, would my little one have been able to avoid a bleed.

Talk about going crazy! The devil knows the best ways to creep into a believer's heart. He finds the areas of our lives where we are not completely happy. The areas of our lives that we strugle in and he has a field day.

Personally, I am not strong all the time. I am not an "oozer" 24/7, but I strive to be. It's those moments when I don't put Christ first in my heart, soul and mind that the devil takes root. At least I know when it's happening. So many people don't see it.

Maybe you can help someone open their eyes to the untruths that are in their heart.

Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours." Mark 11:24 (NIV)

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. The Child Life Playroom
2. crunchy, hospital bacon
3. Disney Junior
"4. Fresh fruit
5. Red wagons