Where You Belong

There have been many times in my life when I wondered if I was where I belonged.

I think it's a natural thing.  We wonder if we are living our lives to the fullest.  Are we following the path God has placed in front of us?  Are we truly doing the best we can to do more than just "exist"?

Today I had a moment.  A moment where I felt God's presence.  It was more than knowing He was with me and that I was loved….it was through singing and leading worship that took me back to a time early in my faith journey where God was working on me in  a huge way.  I could smell the incense in the church I attended so many years ago and it was there that I discovered how much music was truly a part of my life and how vital it was to the way I worshipped.

 

The music today, the smell of the flowers, the faces old and new in the congregation, and looking down to witness my oldest son giving communion to my youngest son was when I knew I was where I belonged.  Serving, worshipping and experiencing God. 

I truly felt like I was at home.

Today I Am Thankful For:

 

1.  Long naps

2.  Sandwiches
3.  Cocktail peanuts
4.  Plastic containers

5.  Frasier

Good Friday

We participated in an amazing Good Friday service tonight. This is an evening I look forward to every year. It's a time to stop and focus on the sacrifice that was made for all of creation. It's almost just too much to try and comprehend.

I caught myself praying, "God, I know I am not worthy enough...." and I immediately stopped myself. Who is worthy enough for the gift God gave us? The truth is, none of us are, but God knew before we were born that He would love us enough for the sacrifice He would make. God knew what He was doing. He knew that the hardest thing in the world would be to sacrifice His son, but it was done out of a love greater than we will ever understand.

My prayer for you is that you take a moment to stop and think about what we are celebrating. It's not about the Easter bunny and the egg hunts or the pastel colors and new outfits for church, it's about the One who saved us. The One who knows we fall short every single day of being great human beings. The One who will love us for all eternity.

Look at the hands of someone you love and imagine nails being driven through them. It's too much! How in the world could someone do that?

It is the greatest gift that was given to the world...to each of us.

Make the most of each day and live it to the fullest.

Remember who came for you.

Today I Am Thankful For:
1. broccoli
2. Easter pails
3. clean jammies
4. thoughtful, meaningful worship experiences
5. flip flops

Posted with Blogsy

Praying

I went to church tonight to experience "prayer stations".  Throughout the church, stations were set up that gave each participant new ways to think about prayer.  One station was a scrabble board and you were encouraged to form words that represented God in your life.  Another station had each person draw images of prayers that were on their hearts and another had you view different images of Jesus and spend time in prayer. 

After I experienced each station, I was drawn to sit in prayer, in the quiet of the sanctuary.  It was dimly lit, meditative music playing in the background and uninterrupted time to myself to be with God.

I don't allow myself this time every day.  It should be top priority, but I often let life take over.  It's not about having the perfect atmosphere to spend time in prayer (even though it sure is nice to have the perfect environment).  Part of my problem is that I put my prayer life in a box.  If it's not done a certain way and I "mess up" then why continue? 

We have the opportunity to start over each morning.  When God blesses us with yet another day how do we choose to honor Him?

Our prayer life may not look perfect on the outside but it's following through and developing our relationship with Christ that counts.

"Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful."  Colossians 4:2 (NIV)

Today I Am Thankful For:

1.  A new book
2.  Plums
3.  An organized cabinet

4.  A stocked pantry

5.  Ziploc bags

Reminders

Without my iPhone I would be terribly lost.  I set alarms and reminders to keep my day moving...when to pick up the boys, when it's time for a conference call, appointments, lists of items to pick up at the store...it never ends!

Today I received a reminder that was not electronic and it made me stop for a moment.

One of dear friends took a moment out of her day to send me a card and the inside read,

"I'm praying for you…

             and trusting with you…
             and reminding you you're loved and cared for more than you know."

At that moment I felt God's arms around me.  He knows the struggles I am having.  He knows how I have been feeling defeated.  And He used a friend to pass along that reminder that the Creator of the Universe loves me more than I can imagine.

So many of us are good at helping others.  We tend to be the "strong" ones who keep things together or we use the practical side of our minds to make things happen.  We don't always allow ourselves to be on the receiving end and let people know we struggle and need a little help.

But God knows what we need.  He never leaves us and is always closer than we think.

Today He showed off in a big way by using one of his faithful servants to reach out and remind me that I was loved.

          You may be the next person He uses in a way bigger than you could ever imagine. 
          It doesn't take much to follow through and listen to what God is telling us to do. 

If you feel that nudge on your heart to reach out to someone, don't hesitate. 

 

You may just be the reminder someone needs.

"I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness."  Jeremiah 31:3 (NIV)

 

 

Today I Am Thankful For:

 

1.  ice packs

2.  clean floors

3.  barking dogs

4.  candles

5.   Easter candy

Joy ….Revisited

Did you select a "word" for 2013?  (It's not too late)!

 My "OneWord" for 2013 is Joy.  I want to spend this year recognizing and relishing in the joy in my life and not letting those moments slip past me unnoticed.  I guess you could say it's also about being more intentional. 

If you think there is no joy in your life and everything seems to be filled with gloom and doom, then I invite you to start reading a book that I just began, "Until I SayGoodbye," by Susan Spencer-Wendel with Bret Witter.  Susan is a fortysomething mother of two, happily married journalist who was diagnosed with ALS (Lou Gehrig's disease) in 2009.  She has written a book about celebrating life.

"HarperCollins calls Susan’s story 'a powerfully emotional, inspirational and irrepressibly joyous look at the things that matter most… Until I Say Goodbye is the fulfillment of her final wish: "To make people laugh and cry and hug their children and joke with their friends and dwell in how wonderful it is to be alive."

Talk about putting life into perspective.

This brave woman wanted nothing more than to dedicate year to joy, to visit places she had never been, to give each of her children a special experience as a final gift and to leave those of us fortunate enough to read her final work words of inspiration.

These past several months have been filled with challenges in our family surrounding the health of our youngest son.  But through all of the hospitals, treatments, ice packs, days of school and work missed, factor, and pain, God has been evident in our lives.  He has helped me remember that things can always be worse and that where we currently are is where we are to be.  It is His plan...even if I don't particularly like the path sometimes.

We have had tons of joyous moments in the hospital as we sit and wait and wait some more.  Joyous moments as we are "forced" to be still and change plans, and joyous moments as we see the all too familiar faces on the 6th floor as we are admitted and even better, when we are discharged.

Thank you, Susan, for sharing your heart and your passion.  You have helped me to remember that my journey is important.  That I have a purpose in this world, and that our lives are truly filled with many chapters. 

Today I Am Thankful For:

1.  Freshly polished toes

2.  An exceptionally, wonderful horseback ride

3.  Too many books

4.  Sunday afternoons

5.  Felt tip markers

Hope for the Season

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."  Romans 15:13 (NIV)

The holiday season has barely started and I am already getting stressed out!  I guess spending four days in the hospital last week with my little one did not help me get a jump start on getting into the spirit :)

The laundry has taken over, Thanksgiving decorations are still up, my little one's room is a disaster and I have company coming on Friday night and Saturday afternoon! 

This season is not for stressing out and being the ultimate hostess...it's about hope. 

 

Hope that came in the form of a baby that changed the world.

Hope that we never know what is going to come and that it may be the best yet.

Hope that in what seems like a hopeless situation, God is with us always.

I am challenging myself through this season to truly keep Christ at the forefront of everything I do.  Whether it's buying presents, trimming the tree, or hosting a party, I am working hard to keep Christ at the center of the season.  I plan on having a time each day to focus on prayer and reading scripture to keep me grounded.

How are how are you going to keep the season focused on Christ?

Today I Am Thankful For:

1.  Dirty clothes
2.  Freshly groomed dogs
3.  Too many television channels
4.  Catalogs
5.  Nail clippers

 

 

Time

Time flies.  The older I get the faster it goes by.  I think I really notice it when I have a few days off  from work to spend with my family.  You try to rest, relax and get everything you need done in a matter of days and before you know it, it's Sunday night and Monday is looming.

 

Another thing about time is that as each day passes, my children are experiencing more and more and growing into some pretty amazing young boys/men.  You often have a landmark in a year that makes you think back to "one year ago" or "five years ago" and when you realize all that has happened in that amount of time, it can be pretty overwhelming.

 

Today is one of those days.  One year ago today, my dear mother-in-law, Ruby, passed away unexpectedly.  I've caught myself time and time again wanting to give her a call to tell her the latest with my boys, or just share something silly that one of them said that day. 

 

It is painful to lose someone close to you.  It also hurts to see others around you grieve that loss.  Some family members keep their grief close, some express their grief through talking and crying, others even express their grief by completely shutting down and staying stuck.  I've come to learn that all you can do is meet those folks where they are at in the process of grieving and be there for them.

 

There is a time for all of us to live the fullest life possible, to grieve, to invest in others and yes, even a time to die.  But what we need to remember is that God will never leave us.  We need to take each day and live the best life we can live.  That is what Ruby did.  Every day was a gift to her.  I don't think a day went by without her giving us a call to check on us and tell us she loved us.  She lived a very full life.  She loved well and was loved in return and she knew her God.

 

Today I Am Thankful for:

 

1. Routine
2. A beautiful, cold New Mexico day
3. Sweat pants
4. An afternoon of riding horses
5. Memories of Ruby

A Reminder

"I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry.  He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.  He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God.  Many will see and fear the Lord and put their trust in him."  Psalm 40:1-3

God never loses sight of you.

Over the past few weeks, my life has been upside down.  Depression is a horrible thing.  It takes you to places that no one should go. 

Between my depression and "Christian's" recent hospital stay it has been an extremely difficult time.

I finally feel as if my head has begun to clear and I truly remembered that I have not been alone.  God has kept me in the palm of His hand throughout this rough patch.  I know, a pastor's wife should know this, but when you struggle, the enemy can advantage and plant doubt in you before you have a chance to realize what has happened.

As I was making dinner last night (one of the first productive things I've done in some time) I lit a candle in the kitchen.  Every time I see a flame I think of Christ's light.  Candles have always reminded me that Christ was with me.  Always. 

Sometimes we have to go to dark places to find the light again.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1.  Candy corn

2.  Fresh apple pie

3.  Dirty clothes

4.  cold toes
5.  candle

Hum Drum Moments

My days are filled with schedule now that school has started.  Dropping off "Lance", devotional time, breakfast, "Christian" getting ready for school followed by work and then going the rounds of picking up in the afternoon. 

 It's easy to get complacent and miss out on the beauty of the "hum drum".  Hum drum meaning, cooking dinner, driving kids to school, getting bath water ready, washing dishes...I just get on auto pilot sometimes.

Last night I had a moment with my little Christian.  I was baking cookies, ironing, cleaning the kitchen and helping him with his 1st grade homework.  As I leaned over his shoulder to hear him practice his reading, something made me completely stop.  For a moment I breathed in the smell of my son's neck.  It was that smell that only mom's of little boys can love and appreciate...a smell filled with sweat, dirt and puppy dogs.  I don't remember the exact words he read, but I could see the sweat on his brow as he concentrated.

I just adore my children and my husband.  Sometimes I feel as though I take them for granted.  I need to take time to enjoy those moments in each day of the hum drum happenings of life.  You never know when your last day will come, and I want to cherish every part of what I have been blessed with in this world.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1.  Oatmeal cookies

2.  Freshly pressed curtains
3.  Pencils with a dull point
4.  The whirring of a ceiling fan
5.  schedule

Rest for My Soul

"Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:29-30 (NIV)

I just returned from San Diego.  My family attended an educational summit on hemophilia and inhibitors.  It was a great time of meeting new friends, learning about new treatments and just being able to get away and enjoy each other.  Sometimes it takes a "meeting" or special event to get our families away from the daily grind.

Work, school, cooking, cleaning, hemophilia...the list goes on.  We all have burdens to carry.  Some are heavier than others.  But the best part of burden carrying is when you are able to find rest for your soul.  Finding rest for my soul has been in not just finding God in the walls of my church on Sunday mornings, but in seeing the calm waters of the San Diego bay, watching my husband's excitement over fresh seafood, our tired feet from all of the walking, and just breathing in another, hot New Mexico day.

 Letting go and experiencing rest for my soul is a treasure.  It can come at the most unexpected times and places, we just have to acknowledge the gift so that we can continue to carry our loads.

 Today I Am Thankful For:

1. Clean sheets

2. Shuttle buses

3. Peaches and plums

4. Great pictures from a getaway

5. Lotion on tired feet

The Best Relationship

I've written pretty openly about my devotional time.  There are times in my life where I have been extremely devout and some seasons of life where my devotional time is non-existent.  Right now is a pretty good time.  I've been spending time in prayer and reading Lysa Terkurst's "Made to Crave."  A great book!

I have added a new dimension to my time.  My dear friend "J" came in from out of town and we were able to spend some time together (work related) but we were in a very casual atmosphere at my home in meetings.  It was great :)  She brought me a present...a "ClingingCross."  It is just beautiful.  It fits perfectly in your hand.  She told me that her father had one and it brought him great comfort in his last days.  I was very touched that she thought of me.

I have been holding it while I pray and read in my devotional time and it is amazing how it has heightened the depth of my time. 

My relationship with Christ is top of my list and this small cross is helping me to connect on a deeper level.  I want this relationship to be the deepest, most satisfying relationship that I can have.  It will not only help me as I grow spiritually, but help to deepen the relationships that are closest to me.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1.      Thoughtful gifts

2.      Books

3.      6 am

4.      Colored pens

5.      Prayer journals

The Perpetual Cookie Jar

I have a very difficult time buying gifts for my husband.  There's not much that he wants or needs, so getting creative with gifts for birthday's and holiday's keeps me busy.  Last Christmas I gave him a pretty clever gift (if I do say so myself).  He loves my homemade sugar free cookies, so I decided to give him the gift of cookies!  I bought him a cookie jar for his office at the church and I keep it filled with my homemade treats.   

What I like about the gift is that it gives throughout the year.  Every day.  Just like Christ gives His love freely to us...non stop, all year long.

There is never a moment where we are alone.  Yes, we may be physically alone, maybe even for hours or days at a time, but God is with us always.  That little voice in our minds and hearts is being heard by God.  He knows our deepest desires and greatest fears.  But He also knows how we love and share and spread the Good News.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1.      A new showerhead

2.      DVR's

3.      Chunky pens

4.      Seeing long distance friends in the flesh

5.      A great manicure

A Spark

Sunday morning I finally stepped out into what I know.  My passion.  My ministry.  My calling to lead women.

I held a meeting for those interested in beginning a women's ministry at our church. There are so many possibilities...so many people to be ministered to …...and so many women that can touch the lives of others. 

The group of women that showed up were spunky and filled with ideas and most importantly desire.  There was a spark in the room.  Like when you first light a sparkler...you see one spark start and then all of a sudden they ignite and go crazy!  One spark feeds on another and before you know it, you have something beautiful.

That's what happened yesterday.  We all fed off of each other's energy and something beautiful happened...God was in the room and the sparks flew!

It only takes a spark to get a fire going.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1.      My peach trees

2.      Trying a new recipe

3.      Ice, cold water

4.      Naps

5.      A good haircut

Who you want to meet

I am an introvert.  Now, if I know you very well, you may not think that is true.  But I tend to be very quiet and have a difficult time reaching out and developing new relationships.  So as a pastor's wife, you can see how that may be a struggle :)

There are a few people I have met in my life that are the epitome of what my message in ministry is all about….oozing.  The people who you can hardly even look at because the light of Christ shines through them and the fact that they are living their life by following Christ in every way is what I call an oozer.  That's what I want to be.  I want to be a person that gives off that light.  In order for me to do that, I have to work through the introvert problem that I have.

I want to be the kind of person I want to meet.  I recently met a woman at our church who is an oozer through and through.  I truly had to step back when I met her because she was so "bright!"  Our meeting reignited my desire to show the world, truly through everything that I do, what oozing is all about.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1.      3 ring hole punchers

2.      Collapsible coolers

3.      Hope

4.      Clean towels

5.      Bananas

Our Motto

When your immediate family lives hundreds of miles away, you need to be prepared in the event of an emergency. I have put together a Household Binder, and it needs some major updating.  Once a year, I update our emergency contact numbers, doctor's numbers, schedules, insurance information, etc.  And when your church family is physically closest to you, you have spare keys and instructions readily available to leave to a trusted person.

On the cover of our Household Binder is our family motto.  I haven't looked at our motto in quite some time, and it has made me rethink several things.

"Live simply, love generously, care deeply, speak kindly, leave the rest to God."

I think I now know what has been making me so unsettled. When you live in a rural, small town, living simply is easier to do than when you are in the big city. You aren't as close to major department stores, big grocery stores, etc. Yes,online shopping brings the best to you, but I have found it's just not the same. Now that we are living back in the big city, temptation is all around.  I can get to anything I need at a moment's notice!Yes, that is a good thing medically, but I can act on impulse and shop easily. The "Live Simply" component of our motto is at risk.

I want to seriously pay attention to the tenets of our motto:

• Live Simply: having more "stuff" is not priority (we don't need the latest video game)
• Love Generously: the core of who I want to be is a loving person and to be able to nurture the loving hearts of my children
• Care Deeply: when we care for others,God's light shines through everything we do….oozing at work
• Speak Kindly: our words are impacting...they can't be taken back.
• Leave the rest to God: this is the one that can bring you to your knees...leaving it up to God and not worrying about things that are out of your control.

Does your family have a motto?

Today I Am Thankful For:

• A fresh manicure 
• RAIN! 
• A new recipe that was successful 
• A cookie jar filled with homemade cookies 
• My new, office chair - leopard, of course :)

Adventure!

Today I am off to Wisconsin to speak at a Couple’s Retreat.  The couples are all affected by a bleeding disorder and my mission is to bring a positive, uplifting message as a parent of children with a bleeding disorder.  This is my passion!  Preaching God’s word and speaking to people about bleeding disorders is what makes me happiestJ . 

After Wisconsin, I will meet the colleagues I work with for a team meeting in Kansas City.  It’s going to be a busy stretch until Wednesday, but I am really looking forward to these trips.

Having the opportunity to travel and work and speak with amazing people is a huge gift…one that I cherish.  The only bad part is that I will be away from my men for a bit (thank goodness for Skype).

I will be back soon and pray that each and every day brings blessings so numerous and amazing to you that it is almost too much to comprehend.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1.      Travel size toiletries

2.      Boarding passes

3.      Little bags of peanuts

4.      A window seat

5.      Adventures yet to come

A Beautiful Day

Some days are better than others. 

Some days we run and run, looking at the clock anticipating the next thing on the list that needs to be accomplished.  If we are lucky, we occasionally have a day where the clock is not an issue.  That's one thing I love about Sunday afternoons.  Once church is over and we have eaten lunch, the afternoon is open…..for resting, relaxing and getting our minds ready for the upcoming week.

Yesterday was extra special because we celebrated Easter.  The weather was perfect, church went beautifully, we had a surprise visit by some old friends but most importantly, we celebrated that Christ had risen.

When you really stop to think about what that means, it's almost too much to comprehend.  If you have ever watched "The Passion of the Christ," I think you may have a pretty vivid visual of what Christ endured for each of us.  It was beyond unbearable.  That God would send his only Son to die for us, despite our messiness...despite our checkered pasts and despite the fact that we continue to mess up is just beyond comprehension.

The Lenten season is a journey.  A journey to the Risen Christ.

I am loved. 

Loved beyond words.

You are too.

Today I am Thankful For:

1.  Lilies

2.  Chocolate chip cookies

3.  Baby wipes

4.  DVR

5.  The Easter Bunny :)

Suffering

Everyone suffers something.

But when children suffer, it breaks your heart. 

 When your child suffers, and you can't take the pain away, you would give your life for them. 

 I walked past a room yesterday (as I am here in the hospital with "Christian" as he recovers from a knee bleed) and the mom of a teenage boy suffering with asthma was standing outside the door sobbing.  I stopped, and put my hand on her shoulder.  She started to talk through the tears about his suffering.  I know without a doubt she would have given her life at that very moment for her son.

 A mother's love is something you just don't mess with. 

 But how do you give thanks through the suffering?

God did.  He knew what He was doing by sending Jesus to die for us.  I can't even imagine the enormity of that sacrifice.  Yes, I would give my life for my child, but giving up my child's life? 

We'll never know and completely understand that gift.  But what we do is work to live a life pleasing to God through our every move and through every word.

As Holy Week begins, I want to spend time in reflection by trying to wrap my mind around the sacrifice that was made for me.  I mean, I am a sinner beyond words, and God knew I would struggle, yet He sent His Son for me.

God loves me just the way I am...sin  and all.  Let's start each day remembering that God loves each and every one of us without doubt and beyond measure.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1.  iPads

2.  City lights from the hospital window

3.  The whirring of monitors in the hospital room

4.  Dry erase boards

5.  Reclining chairs

BIG Happenings!

When our family stepped out in faith six years ago to come to New Mexico (without a house even rented) it was exhilarating! We knew that we were following the path that Christ had laid out for us. Yes, it was a bit scary, but when you know you are being led, the fear only lasts for a moment.

 My husband has been called to a new appointment. In the United Methodist Church, pastors are on the itinerant system and go where the cabinet (church conference leadership) asks them to go and lead. We are moving in June to Rio Rancho, New Mexico. The fastest growing city in New Mexico.

We are so excited that we can hardly even stand it.

It's bittersweet, because our church family here in Truth or Consequences has done nothing but loved us and loved us well. We are better people because of them. Leaving is going to be hard, but the time has come.

Not only will this move give my husband the chance to pastor a large, growing congregation, but it will put us 17 miles from the hospital where the hematologists for our boys work (instead of being over 2 hours away). It will also give our oldest son the chance to attend the performing arts high school (he's been in online school...not the best fit for him after the assault).
We have been patient and listened. Listened to how God moves our hearts and nudges us into certain directions.

 It's time to step out in faith again and keep listening.

 Today I Am Thankful For:

1 . snow that doesn't stick

2. Jewelry shows

3. a new watch (leopard, of course)

4. the tingling you feel when your feet fall asleep

5. The buzzing of the dryer

What if?

I remember one of my former students, "Mayra."  She was a little, bitty sixth grade oboe player.  I taught her how to open her instrument case, put her fingers on the instrument and make "sounds".  The thing about Mayra was that she always had questions.  "What if I break a reed?  What if this part gets stuck?  What if I play a wrong note?"  and on and on.

I finally got to the point of telling her that if her question started with "what if" it probably wasn't worth asking.

 Don’t we "what if" ourselves into some pretty bad places?  "What if's" get us into trouble.  We wait for an answer to an application and wonder if we are even good enough to apply, we teach a class at church and wonder if we will know enough to make a difference, we even "what if" the decisions we make when parenting our children.  The list goes on and on.

Don't get me wrong, sometimes a good "what if" helps us to plan ahead and be prepared.  But these questions too often take away from what God knows….that we are His Beloved.

If we let the "what if's" take over, we will forget the promise in Ephesians 2:10:

"For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." (NIV)

 God has never made a mistake.  You are here for a purpose.  If we "what if" ourselves into not moving forward and taking chances, we may never know what the good works are that He has in store for us.

 Today I Am Thankful For:

1.  Setting clothes out the night before

2.  My leopard print robe

3.  New reading glasses!

4.  Collapsible laundry baskets

5.  Old pillows