Reconnecting

I am on vacation! Me the hubs and our boys came to Colorado for a week of respite. With the exception of a doctor's appointment for "Christian", we have not had plans. We have slept in, eaten very well and just been together. We are heading to Colorado Springs tomorrow and back to New Mexico on Friday.

It has been wonderful (despite the blizzard and not having our heavy coats) :)

The highlight of our trip has been the never ending game of UNO (or as Christian calls it NANO)! Seven times through the deck and I was the winner! It is these times of togetherness that money cannot buy.

We all get so busy with work and lessons and homework and ministry that our connections to our family can get broken. It is critical that we take the time to recharge and refresh our hearts and minds.

That's where I am and will be back next week with a renewed heart and mind.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. cold toes

2. diner food

3. no schedules

4. unplugging the phone

5. letting go

 

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Time

Time flies.  The older I get the faster it goes by.  I think I really notice it when I have a few days off  from work to spend with my family.  You try to rest, relax and get everything you need done in a matter of days and before you know it, it's Sunday night and Monday is looming.

 

Another thing about time is that as each day passes, my children are experiencing more and more and growing into some pretty amazing young boys/men.  You often have a landmark in a year that makes you think back to "one year ago" or "five years ago" and when you realize all that has happened in that amount of time, it can be pretty overwhelming.

 

Today is one of those days.  One year ago today, my dear mother-in-law, Ruby, passed away unexpectedly.  I've caught myself time and time again wanting to give her a call to tell her the latest with my boys, or just share something silly that one of them said that day. 

 

It is painful to lose someone close to you.  It also hurts to see others around you grieve that loss.  Some family members keep their grief close, some express their grief through talking and crying, others even express their grief by completely shutting down and staying stuck.  I've come to learn that all you can do is meet those folks where they are at in the process of grieving and be there for them.

 

There is a time for all of us to live the fullest life possible, to grieve, to invest in others and yes, even a time to die.  But what we need to remember is that God will never leave us.  We need to take each day and live the best life we can live.  That is what Ruby did.  Every day was a gift to her.  I don't think a day went by without her giving us a call to check on us and tell us she loved us.  She lived a very full life.  She loved well and was loved in return and she knew her God.

 

Today I Am Thankful for:

 

1. Routine
2. A beautiful, cold New Mexico day
3. Sweat pants
4. An afternoon of riding horses
5. Memories of Ruby

Too Close??

I traveled to Florida on business from Wednesday through Sunday last week.  I work with some great people and enjoy their company when we are off the clock, but when you are a homebody like I am, after a day or two, you are ready to come home.  I caught myself at Universal Studios on a perfect, Florida night with friends, wanting nothing more than to be watching a movie at home with my guys.  I just adore them.

 

I often wonder if there is a such thing as being "too close" to your family.  After three days traveling alone I just start to shut down because I miss them terribly.

 

I did enjoy seeing old friends and meeting new colleagues, but what I want more than anything is to be present for my husband and children.  Our lives could not be going better and I just don't want to miss out on a thing!

 

I am glad to be home.

 

Today I Am Thankful For:

1.  Empty seats on a flight

2.  Laughing with the girls

3.  Hugging the neck of an old friend

4.  A tall glass of iced tea (at home)
5.  A high of 30 degrees!

I Miss Him

Today is a bittersweet day.  It's my 44th birthday and the 5th anniversary of the day my Dad passed away.  I am so blessed to share this day with him, even if it was a sad one. 

 

I adored my Dad.  

He held his emotions and feelings very close.  He was not one to say "I love you" out loud, but he sure did show love to my family by the hours he spent working as a school administrator.  To this day I compare everyone's work ethic to that of my Dad.  The desire he had to always be better and not settle for less than your absolute best was just the norm...I can clean a mean yard and paint a house like nobody's business :).

The moment I cherish the most with my Dad came when he was at the end of his life.  He did not speak anymore and I was not sure if he understood what was happening to him.  It was an extremely sad way to see a person end their life.  He was so strong and vital and to see him confined to his bed was devastating. 

One day I was talking to him and out of nowhere, he reached his arm out to me looked me straight in the eyes and pat my shoulder.  It was one of the most powerful, meaningful moments of my life.

When you lose a parent, part of your soul goes with them.  When you lose both, you are never the same.  I don't have a mom or dad to call when something amazing happens in my life.  When my "Christian" loses another tooth, or when "Lance" gets excited about college….those are moments that I cannot pick up the phone and tell Mom and Dad about.  Yes, there are many that love us and celebrate in those triumphs, but it's just never the same.

I am so fortunate to have been loved by my parents.  I pray that my children know, with every fiber of their being, that I love them.

Hum Drum Moments

My days are filled with schedule now that school has started.  Dropping off "Lance", devotional time, breakfast, "Christian" getting ready for school followed by work and then going the rounds of picking up in the afternoon. 

 It's easy to get complacent and miss out on the beauty of the "hum drum".  Hum drum meaning, cooking dinner, driving kids to school, getting bath water ready, washing dishes...I just get on auto pilot sometimes.

Last night I had a moment with my little Christian.  I was baking cookies, ironing, cleaning the kitchen and helping him with his 1st grade homework.  As I leaned over his shoulder to hear him practice his reading, something made me completely stop.  For a moment I breathed in the smell of my son's neck.  It was that smell that only mom's of little boys can love and appreciate...a smell filled with sweat, dirt and puppy dogs.  I don't remember the exact words he read, but I could see the sweat on his brow as he concentrated.

I just adore my children and my husband.  Sometimes I feel as though I take them for granted.  I need to take time to enjoy those moments in each day of the hum drum happenings of life.  You never know when your last day will come, and I want to cherish every part of what I have been blessed with in this world.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1.  Oatmeal cookies

2.  Freshly pressed curtains
3.  Pencils with a dull point
4.  The whirring of a ceiling fan
5.  schedule

Talking and Laughing

"Lance" came home today talking a mile a minute.  Remember, this is my son who has not been excited about school in a few years.  He is now involved with the drama department at the high school and is so excited he could hardly put into words the events of his day.  He ended by saying "I've just had a great day."  My heart was overflowing with thanks when I heard those words come out of his mouth.

Talking and talking and talking...a beautiful sound.

 And the laughter!  I don't care what has happened in our day, my Junior in High School and First Grader both expect to be tickled by their Dad!  It's madness!  They have code to scream out at the top of their lungs in order for their Dad to stop….for Lance it's "MINERVA!" and for Christian it's "MONSTER TRUCK MINERVA!"  (I know, it makes no sense :)

This is one of those days where I know, without any doubt, that my children are utterly happy...

My family is in one of the best places they have ever been in…

And my God is with me despite my shortcomings, always.

It just doesn't get better.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1.  Popcorn

2.  A new project with my hubby

3.  Cleaning ladies

4.  Beads

5.  The first "crisp" feeling in the air

Rest for My Soul

"Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:29-30 (NIV)

I just returned from San Diego.  My family attended an educational summit on hemophilia and inhibitors.  It was a great time of meeting new friends, learning about new treatments and just being able to get away and enjoy each other.  Sometimes it takes a "meeting" or special event to get our families away from the daily grind.

Work, school, cooking, cleaning, hemophilia...the list goes on.  We all have burdens to carry.  Some are heavier than others.  But the best part of burden carrying is when you are able to find rest for your soul.  Finding rest for my soul has been in not just finding God in the walls of my church on Sunday mornings, but in seeing the calm waters of the San Diego bay, watching my husband's excitement over fresh seafood, our tired feet from all of the walking, and just breathing in another, hot New Mexico day.

 Letting go and experiencing rest for my soul is a treasure.  It can come at the most unexpected times and places, we just have to acknowledge the gift so that we can continue to carry our loads.

 Today I Am Thankful For:

1. Clean sheets

2. Shuttle buses

3. Peaches and plums

4. Great pictures from a getaway

5. Lotion on tired feet

Looking in the Mirror

Have you ever had someone tell you "You sure look like your Mom/Dad?"  I never thought I  looked like my mother, but as the years have passed, I stare in the mirror and see her looking right back at me.  I wish I knew then what I know now about how she must have felt and what she was going through. 

Sixteen years ago today she passed away. 

It seems like a lifetime ago.  So many things have happened.  Milestones in my life that happened without my mom…..seeing my oldest grow up, the birth of my "surprise" second son...and birthday's and anniversaries that I did not get to hear her voice or touch her hand...and those daily phone calls….I miss them.

I remember hearing the shuffle of her slippers in the house, the smell of the cottage cheese she loved to eat (but not anyone else in the house), laughing uncontrollably with her at the silliest things and the smell of her perfume.

You are never the same when you lose a parent.  That loss is never filled.  No matter how close you are to your spouse or in-law, no one can fill that void.  I want to leave a legacy like my mom did.  It wasn't about the tangible things she left, it was about the memories, the laughs, the smells that remind me of her.

I want my children to have the same memories. 

I loved my mother with all of my heart and I miss her everyday.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1.  Old friends stopping by for lunch
2.  The Olympics
3.  Diet Cherry Cokes from SONIC

4.  Magnetic paper clips

5.  French bread pizza

Enjoying the little things

We have a nice backyard in our new home, but the flowerbeds need some desperate attention.  I finally got out with a hoe early Saturday morning and started weeding and taking out the dry, dead plants.  The ground was not too hard to work with since we have finally had some rain over the past few days. 

As I was digging and making piles to pick up, I thought about my Dad.  As a kid, I remember my Dad going out on Saturday mornings to work on the yard.  He taught me how to mow a great yard :)  He never used a weedeater, he used his ax to cut the edges of the yard next to the driveway.  After raking and mowing, he would pick up the piles of leaves and cut grass, put on the sprinklers and sweep the concrete.  He was proud of his work and would then get his lawn chair out to survey his masterpiece.

I especially remember the sound of the ax when it would sometimes hit the edge of the concrete.  That's the sound I was making Saturday as I was edging.  It brought a flood of memories back to my mind of a simpler, easier time when my biggest worry was my report card and if I would be able to meet up with my friends to ride bikes on Saturday.

Sometimes it's the smallest of things that we are grateful for because they turn out to be the bigger things in life that we cannot replace.

·        Saying hello to someone at church, even if you don't remember their name.

·        Your clothes fitting a bit looser from eating healthy

·        Not having any responsibilities on a Sunday afternoon and spending time with your family.

·        Being in fellowship with others.

·        Hearing a sound from your childhood and remembering good times.

What are some of the little things you are in an attitude of gratitude about today?

Today I Am Thankful For:

1.      Hummingbirds

2.      Cool evenings

3.      Fresh dirt

4.      Dead, crispy plants

5.      Memories of my Daddy

Our Motto

When your immediate family lives hundreds of miles away, you need to be prepared in the event of an emergency. I have put together a Household Binder, and it needs some major updating.  Once a year, I update our emergency contact numbers, doctor's numbers, schedules, insurance information, etc.  And when your church family is physically closest to you, you have spare keys and instructions readily available to leave to a trusted person.

On the cover of our Household Binder is our family motto.  I haven't looked at our motto in quite some time, and it has made me rethink several things.

"Live simply, love generously, care deeply, speak kindly, leave the rest to God."

I think I now know what has been making me so unsettled. When you live in a rural, small town, living simply is easier to do than when you are in the big city. You aren't as close to major department stores, big grocery stores, etc. Yes,online shopping brings the best to you, but I have found it's just not the same. Now that we are living back in the big city, temptation is all around.  I can get to anything I need at a moment's notice!Yes, that is a good thing medically, but I can act on impulse and shop easily. The "Live Simply" component of our motto is at risk.

I want to seriously pay attention to the tenets of our motto:

• Live Simply: having more "stuff" is not priority (we don't need the latest video game)
• Love Generously: the core of who I want to be is a loving person and to be able to nurture the loving hearts of my children
• Care Deeply: when we care for others,God's light shines through everything we do….oozing at work
• Speak Kindly: our words are impacting...they can't be taken back.
• Leave the rest to God: this is the one that can bring you to your knees...leaving it up to God and not worrying about things that are out of your control.

Does your family have a motto?

Today I Am Thankful For:

• A fresh manicure 
• RAIN! 
• A new recipe that was successful 
• A cookie jar filled with homemade cookies 
• My new, office chair - leopard, of course :)

Mama

It's been almost 16 years since Mama passed away.  I think of her often and today I have a warmth in my heart as I think about her.

The homemade french fries she would make after school.

The $20 bill that would come in the mail when I was off at college (always right when I needed it).

The new outfit she would surprise me with when I was pregnant and growing a bit too fast :).

Cracking up in laughter with her over the silliest things.

Hearing the music to the show "Dallas" and knowing her and Daddy were glued to the television (and the O.J. trial).

And the daily phone calls, which I miss most of all.

I miss her everyday.  Lydia Campos was my mother, and I am a better person (and Mom) because of how she loved me.

You Just Want to Shake Them

Moving on after the death of someone close to you is very difficult. If you have a spouse, children, close friendships, you can manage. But when your life is tied up into one person and they are suddenly taken away...what do you do? How do you help them move forward?

 Life is a gift. There are so many things to look forward to:
vacations
 the first day of Spring
 a perfectly cooked steak
 the smile of a child
 new beginnings.

 Some people are not strong enough to start over and your first inclination is to want to shake them into understanding! "Don't you see you are being selfish? Don't you see how many people are depending on you? Don't you see that God is not done with you yet?"

We help those in need by praying to God for the words we need to speak. We need to step back, try and step in their shoes and think about their situation. How would we handle being completely alone? How do we help them find the strength they have within themselves?

My prayer for those who are hurting is that God touches their hearts in a way they have never felt. That God stirs in their souls the need to be present in their lives in a way that is worthy of Him.

And that those of us being turned to for help ooze with compassion.

 Today I Am Thankful For:

1. aunts
2. diced pears
3. a clear day
4. catching a bleed early
5. newspapers

The Peanut to my Butter

My adorable husband and I are truly ones who finish each others sentences.

We know how to play "good cop bad cop" extremely well.

 We enjoy simple meals at home with our sons.

 And we love each other more than we did over 20 years ago.

I am most grateful for today, because 48 years ago, he was born.

 His precious mother was single and unwed  (and in those days that was not acceptable).

 But she did the most important thing ever, she loved her unborn child, while unsure of the future.

 Happy Birthday to my adorable husband, Joe Keith MacDonald...the peanut to my butter :)

A few of the reasons I am thankful for Joe:

1.  His crazy lyrics to familiar songs
2.  When he breaks out into a spontaneous dance
3.  He embarrasses my teenager

4.  The nightly "tickle shark" that terrorizes my sons

5.  And because he loves me just the way I am.

Happy Birthday

Six years ago, my life changed. Yes, it was a long, awaited day as my second child came into the world...sleeping and with a perfect haircut. But what I didn't anticipate was how much my "Christian" would teach me. He came 10 years after my first child, so things had changed quite a bit. And with hemophilia....I only thought I knew what I was doing. Here we are, six years later, after more hospital visits than I can count, chemotherapy, a painful right ankle, many, many missed days of school....I could go on. But this is what counts.... Love. Love in the shape of a tough as nails little boy who has already gone through more than many of us every will. Love in the shape of giggles at night with his Daddy as they have "fuzzy face" before going to bed. Love in the shape of the thrill of seeing a monster truck for the first time with his aunts. I just can't even imagine my life without him. Happy Birthday, my sweet love. Today I Am Thankful For: 1. cupcakes 2. presents 3. new jammies 4. grapes 5. school friends

My Dad's Presence

Being fully aware and present is a gift. 

Sometimes a person simply needs to know you are there for them. 

Yesterday I felt my Dad's presence as real as if we were embracing.

I am in Houston with my family to begin the process of packing my mother-in-law's home, put it up for sale, and bury her ashes.  Upon our arrival we went to visit the graves of my parents.  The minute I stepped out of the car, I felt my Dad.  I smelled the aroma of the coffee mill.  See, the mill is next to the school where my father was a principal for many, many years and is several miles away from the cemetary.

I will always remember that smell because I spent many a Saturday morning working at school with him.  From counting textbooks to painting parking blocks...there was always something to do...and always ice cream in the cafeteria :)

I know the answer to the smell of the coffee today...it's windy and cold, so the smell traveled.  But what I know for sure is that my Dad was with me today.  He was with me, even if only for that moment to tell me he loved me.


Today I Am Thankful For:

1.  great restaurants
2.  cool weather
3.  a great night's sleep
4.  a plan
5.  work to be done

A Great Loss

I have been very fortunate to have a mother-in-law who loved me as her own daughter. Not only did she take me in as her own, but so did all of her brothers and sisters. I have many aunts and uncles and cousins. They aren't "my husband's family," they are mine.

Heaven has another angel. Ruby Jane Jensen went home to the Lord on Saturday, November 26th. The mother of the love of my life and grandmother to my boys is no longer with us on this Earth. She was the last parent I had here to call my own.

I am going to miss her daily morning calls to check in and have her say she loved me.

I am going to miss seeing her hug my children and love them without abandon.

I am going to miss the shopping (she taught me that a woman needs more than one purse) :)

I will miss cooking for her when she comes to my house (especially making her favorite salsa).

I will miss the annual holiday decoration from Avon she would send me (you know, the obnoxious kind that talks and sings….).

And I will miss having that person to call to give the scoop on my children and/or our latest accomplishments, escapades and the like.

Early in our relationship, Ruby and I did not get along very well. My mother would fuss at me and tell me "She is going to be around longer than me and you better be nice and get along!"

I'm so glad I took my mother's words to heart and forged a great relationship with Ruby.

I already miss her. I'm so glad I had a chance to tell her that I loved her last week.

Her love truly changed my life.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. Hope

2. Purple

3. Aunts

4. Road trips

Is Blood Really Thicker than Water?

My son asked me when I celebrated my favorite Thanksgiving. Without hesitation I told him that it was when we moved to New Mexico (almost six years ago). We had about 20 people over for dinner at our little rental house in the mountains and I had never felt such closeness and joy. I was trained to think that the only people you could really be close to you were your blood relatives. It has taken me years to let go of that perception. The fact is, I have a few friends who I am extremely close to. Friends who understand me for who I am and what I can offer (because I am definitely not the person I was 10 years ago….Thank You God!) And friends who accept my children for who they are with their bleeding disorder (and aren't afraid of them).

You always think that your family (blood relatives) are the people who are closest to you in your life. I grew up assuming that. You never miss a birthday or a holiday...they are the first ones you call when an important event in your life happened and when one was in need, you were there to help them out...no matter what. I used to have that. And I miss it.

Unfortunately that changed many years ago for me. It was a terrible time. Fights, arguments, misunderstandings, letters of apology sent, continued prayer….and no response. I will admit it is something I think of almost daily.

I've experienced love like I never dreamed from people who are not "blood." It can really happen. It keeps me going. From the friend encouraging me to get back to Zumba, the friends who sent me flowers when I was in the hospital, to the friend who named my children in her will. It's amazing how people love.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. Toasted pumpkin seeds
2. Wounds healing
3. Spray adhesive
4. Pretty paper
5. Cold evenings

The School Yard

I spent a lot of time at school. Not just as a student and band director, but as the child of a reacher's aide and an elementary school principal. Many days after school were spent in the workroom where my mom worked (the same elementary which I attended) and more than a few Saturday's were at the school where my Dad served as an elementary principal.

My Dad was not an "ordinary" principal. You would never see him in khakis, it was always a nice suit with a freshly startched shirt and very nice shoes. I can still smell his closet. Hanging bags from the cleaners with the smell of fresh starch. His shoes needed to be resoled constantly because he walked so much that he made holes in his shoes. He wasn't a "sit behind your desk" kind of principal. You rarely caught him there. You never saw the flowerbeds on his campus looking shabby and there was never dirt on the walkways. As for litter, you just did not see any. Inside or out, he would reach down without missing a step to pick it up. It's not that he had a huge janitorial staff (just his right hand man Walter). He just took enormous pride in his school and the people in it everyday.

His faculty and staff were some with great longevity and finding an open position to work at Burnet Elementary was close to impossible. No one would leave because he was wonderful to work for. Don't get me wrong, he was tough, but fair and very smart. He was passionate about children and education and not many men in my life can compare to him.

Now that my "Christian" is in kindergarten and I am at the school everyday, my mind often goes back to those Saturday mornings. I feel the dirt on the sidewalk and think "that should have been swept.". I see the flowerbeds needing attention and thinking "someone needs to clean those up.". And I recently saw a piece of litter dancing in the breeze on the playground and felt my Dad whispering "I love you, Sandy."

Gonzalo Campos
January 10, 1928 - October 7, 2007

When You Wish....part 1

Did you ever wish upon a star? Maybe you looked up in the night sky, saw that special twinkle in the night, and wished for something...to be famous, for a new television, to have a talent like none other.

Sometimes our wishes are big (maybe they even qualify for big dreams) and other times they are simple and unassuming.

Children with chronic illnesses struggle in so many ways and there is an organization called "Make a Wish" that helps to grant these children's wishes.

My "Christian" was referred by a member of our hemophilia treatment center and we are now in our "villa" at the "Give Kids the World" resort in Kissimmee, Florida. It is absolutely unbelievable. Not just the fact that our family is here, but the love that has been shown to us by complete strangers. At this resort, you are treated like kings and queens and for a moment in time, your child is "given the world" and in this case, "the world of Disney."

Some of these families have never been on this kind of trip and would possibly never have the opportunity to take this kind of trip. You have absolutely no worries about getting from one place to the other, food, entertainment, the whole bit.

Another amazing thing is that is takes over 1,500 volunteer time slots for one week to make the "GKTW" Village run. These people are giving their time to make our family have an experience we will never forget.

Sometimes it's just too much to accept and let sink in.

Not the Best Idea

I am no good without my family together.

The hubs and "Christian" are still in the hospital (he took over on Tuesday evening) and me and "Lance" are here at home. Lance is finishing up his 9th grade year online and I am trying desperately to catch up with work. I spent 6 days at the hospital and welcomed the break, but my heart is with him, two hours away.

I can't stand being without my guys all together.

What seemed to be the practical, sensible choice, has turned into sadness for me. I know there is nothing I can do sitting in the hospital, but I can be there to comfort my son when he is being poked while searching for an IV. I can go with him to the playroom and take him for walks to keep him occupied. I know my husband is doing all of those things, but I miss them terribly.

Our mojo is completely thrown off.

Christian is supposed to come home tomorrow.

I can't wait to hug their guts :)

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. Skype
2. New cabinet doors
3. Old movies
4. Postage meters
5. Rearranging furniture