Jack of All Trades...Master of None?

I had a college friend who graduated with a Music Education degree...he worked hard, student taught, and decided music education was not for him.  Are you kidding me?  You didn't like it and now you have a degree and are looking for a job outside of music?

That bewildered me.  I always knew I would be a band director and thought I would retire as a band director.  Well, God had other things in store for me.  He plopped a job opportunity in my lap back in 2002.  I wasn't looking for it and never dreamed I would change careers.  I mean, I had a degree in Music Education!  How in the world could I go into marketing?  Leaving education was a huge leap of faith, and I don’t regret it one bit.

I truly believe that once you have taught in the public schools, you can do anything :)  Being a band director taught me so much more than just how to teach music.  Accounting, relationships, organizing, planning, public speaking, mediation, creativity...the list goes on.  It was a great springboard into my new career in the healthcare industry and I have been fortunate to work in the industry for the past eleven years.

But there are times I doubt myself.  Yes, there's that doubt again.  In my current role, I am a "go to" person for our national team.  The joke is "if you don’t know what to do, ask Caz!"  I am the longest remaining member of the original team and help with many different things. 

Sometimes I feel as if I am a "Jack of all trades," which is helpful to many, and "a master of none," which is disappointing to me.  The reality is that we all have parts of our jobs that we may not enjoy and have to endure so that we can do the fun things...the things we enjoy the most.  I have the ability to step it up and make things happen...and it's time to move forward.

Here's to the season of the fun stuff :)

Today I Am Thankful For:

1.  A soft, loaf of bread
2.  Getting rid of clutter
3.  The smell of a great candle

4.  Cold snaps after "Spring" has started

5.  Homemade cookies

 

 

Joy ….Revisited

Did you select a "word" for 2013?  (It's not too late)!

 My "OneWord" for 2013 is Joy.  I want to spend this year recognizing and relishing in the joy in my life and not letting those moments slip past me unnoticed.  I guess you could say it's also about being more intentional. 

If you think there is no joy in your life and everything seems to be filled with gloom and doom, then I invite you to start reading a book that I just began, "Until I SayGoodbye," by Susan Spencer-Wendel with Bret Witter.  Susan is a fortysomething mother of two, happily married journalist who was diagnosed with ALS (Lou Gehrig's disease) in 2009.  She has written a book about celebrating life.

"HarperCollins calls Susan’s story 'a powerfully emotional, inspirational and irrepressibly joyous look at the things that matter most… Until I Say Goodbye is the fulfillment of her final wish: "To make people laugh and cry and hug their children and joke with their friends and dwell in how wonderful it is to be alive."

Talk about putting life into perspective.

This brave woman wanted nothing more than to dedicate year to joy, to visit places she had never been, to give each of her children a special experience as a final gift and to leave those of us fortunate enough to read her final work words of inspiration.

These past several months have been filled with challenges in our family surrounding the health of our youngest son.  But through all of the hospitals, treatments, ice packs, days of school and work missed, factor, and pain, God has been evident in our lives.  He has helped me remember that things can always be worse and that where we currently are is where we are to be.  It is His plan...even if I don't particularly like the path sometimes.

We have had tons of joyous moments in the hospital as we sit and wait and wait some more.  Joyous moments as we are "forced" to be still and change plans, and joyous moments as we see the all too familiar faces on the 6th floor as we are admitted and even better, when we are discharged.

Thank you, Susan, for sharing your heart and your passion.  You have helped me to remember that my journey is important.  That I have a purpose in this world, and that our lives are truly filled with many chapters. 

Today I Am Thankful For:

1.  Freshly polished toes

2.  An exceptionally, wonderful horseback ride

3.  Too many books

4.  Sunday afternoons

5.  Felt tip markers

Stop! Be Still!

We don't stop.  Our lives are filled with craziness and we just keep moving from one thing to the next.  Work is busy, the kids schedules keep us hopping and our church ministry is ongoing.  Teaching a bible study, making dinner, getting homework done….it just doesn't stop.

Our family was forced to stop over the past several days.  "Christian" had another really intense knee bleed and everything came to a screeching halt so we took him to the hospital where he was admitted for five days.  Work takes a back seat, making dinner definitely does not happen, and running back and forth from home to the hospital commences.

When you are in the hospital with a child, there is only so much you can do.  You are forced to put your life on hold and take care of what is most important.  I think this is one of those "God things".  I am forced to take a moment to breathe without the worries of everyday living.  It's not exactly the best way to slow down, but sometimes it takes these moments to make us focus.

Waiting teaches us who we are.  That still, small voice in our heads is God trying to get through to us.

We should use the Lenten season to listen to what God is trying to tell us as we prepare for Easter.  Slowing down is not in our vocabulary, but it's amazing what becomes important when you do take a moment to really look at what is going on around you.

"Let be and be still, and know (recognize and understand) that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations! I will be exalted in the earth!"  Psalm 46:10 (AMP)

Preparation

One of my new roles at our church is head of the Worship Committee.  This committee ensures that every part of the worship experience is thought through for each service.  Are the bread and juice ready and set out on the altar, is the music playing at the appropriate times, are ushers and greeters available to direct people, and are the paraments and banners hung and displayed in the appropriate colors for the season? 

Last night I enlisted the help of my family to get the sanctuary ready for the Lenten season.  We have long pieces of fabric that drape the sides of the church and it takes time (and going up and down a high ladder several times) to hang it correctly.

It took a while, but we changed all of the colors on the altar to purple, hung the banners, straightened up the choir loft...and I hate to admit it, but I was stressed out and in a terrible mood when I was doing it.  I failed to realize that I was doing one of the most important things I could be doing for the Lenten season...I was helping to prepare.

Today I was thinking about John and Peter and how they were sent in to Jerusalem to prepare the Passover Seder for the disciples.  They had to get the food, make a sacrifice in the Temple, clean up, set the table….there was much to be done.  I am not sure what their attitudes were while they were in the midst of preparing, but I like to think that they were mindful and prayerful, knowing that something amazing was going to take place in that Upper Room.

In what seems to be unimportant to many can be miraculous to others.  We can take the times of preparation in all things to glorify God.  The time it takes to prepare a meal, to prepare clothes to be laundered, to prepare a presentation for work, to prepare a bath of warm water to bathe a child.  All of these moments can be used in prayer...not just speaking the words, but in demonstrating through our actions the importance of each act.

As we enter the Lenten season, remember that this is a time of preparation for the coming of Christ.  Use these 40 days and nights to prepare your heart to become closer to Christ.  Join a Bible Study at church, read a daily devotional, be intentional about your prayers and most importantly work as though you are working for the Lord (Colossians 3:23).

Today I Am Thankful For:

1.  Ring pops

2.  Wheelchairs

3.  My stylus

4.  trying a new restaurant
5.  a compassionate 1st grade teacher

Joy

Some people try to find joy in "things".  Material things.  They may find joy for a moment, but not the kind of joy that lasts a lifetime.

I saw joy last night as my little "Christian" went to bed with a painful ankle bleed.  I went into his room several times to check on him and in bed with him was the light saber that his friend bought him at the  circus.  It drew his attention away from his pain.  He was experiencing joy in the midst of pain.

At that moment, he asked me to rub his foot.  Whenever he has a bleed in his ankle, he asks for someone to lightly stoke his swollen joint.  It's soothing to him.  In that moment where my son was feeling pain, a pain I cannot understand, I found a moment of joy.  Joy that I have an amazing child who endures more than most people I know.  Joy in knowing I had everything I needed to care for my son.  Joy in the fact that I have been taught how to be strong and courageous when I didn't think I could. 

Joy is a "source" of happiness.  Having joy doesn't mean we are happy all of the time.  It means we have that deep down connection inside of us, knowing that God is truly our inspiration for all things.  He is the one who brings us joy.  Often times we have difficult situations thrown at us and those are the times when it is hard to find that joy. 

We need to stay strong and courageous in our daily living.  There is nothing that is given to you that you are unable to handle...absolutely nothing!  Believe that, Beloved!  Dig down deep within yourself to find joy in every circumstance and in every situation. 

God loves you more than you can imagine.  That should bring you joy to last a lifetime.

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”  Joshua 1:9 (NIV)

Today I Am Thankful For:

1.  Rice
2.  Frozen, precooked chicken = lunch in a flash
3.  File folders
4.  A new t-shirt
5.  Ice packs

Time

Time flies.  The older I get the faster it goes by.  I think I really notice it when I have a few days off  from work to spend with my family.  You try to rest, relax and get everything you need done in a matter of days and before you know it, it's Sunday night and Monday is looming.

 

Another thing about time is that as each day passes, my children are experiencing more and more and growing into some pretty amazing young boys/men.  You often have a landmark in a year that makes you think back to "one year ago" or "five years ago" and when you realize all that has happened in that amount of time, it can be pretty overwhelming.

 

Today is one of those days.  One year ago today, my dear mother-in-law, Ruby, passed away unexpectedly.  I've caught myself time and time again wanting to give her a call to tell her the latest with my boys, or just share something silly that one of them said that day. 

 

It is painful to lose someone close to you.  It also hurts to see others around you grieve that loss.  Some family members keep their grief close, some express their grief through talking and crying, others even express their grief by completely shutting down and staying stuck.  I've come to learn that all you can do is meet those folks where they are at in the process of grieving and be there for them.

 

There is a time for all of us to live the fullest life possible, to grieve, to invest in others and yes, even a time to die.  But what we need to remember is that God will never leave us.  We need to take each day and live the best life we can live.  That is what Ruby did.  Every day was a gift to her.  I don't think a day went by without her giving us a call to check on us and tell us she loved us.  She lived a very full life.  She loved well and was loved in return and she knew her God.

 

Today I Am Thankful for:

 

1. Routine
2. A beautiful, cold New Mexico day
3. Sweat pants
4. An afternoon of riding horses
5. Memories of Ruby

A Reminder

"I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry.  He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.  He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God.  Many will see and fear the Lord and put their trust in him."  Psalm 40:1-3

God never loses sight of you.

Over the past few weeks, my life has been upside down.  Depression is a horrible thing.  It takes you to places that no one should go. 

Between my depression and "Christian's" recent hospital stay it has been an extremely difficult time.

I finally feel as if my head has begun to clear and I truly remembered that I have not been alone.  God has kept me in the palm of His hand throughout this rough patch.  I know, a pastor's wife should know this, but when you struggle, the enemy can advantage and plant doubt in you before you have a chance to realize what has happened.

As I was making dinner last night (one of the first productive things I've done in some time) I lit a candle in the kitchen.  Every time I see a flame I think of Christ's light.  Candles have always reminded me that Christ was with me.  Always. 

Sometimes we have to go to dark places to find the light again.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1.  Candy corn

2.  Fresh apple pie

3.  Dirty clothes

4.  cold toes
5.  candle

Tears

I've shed lots and lots of tears over the past couple of weeks.

It just recently hit me that my sadness was surrounding the passing of my Dad, even though it's been five years.  But I was also very vulnerable because I had been pretty sick (and was really good at hiding it from most) and finally had to cave in and miss a few days of work to take care of myself.

Now that I am healing and on the other side of the anniversary of my Dad's passing, things are brighter.

A wise friend in my Bible Study class said that "if we don't have tears, we cannot see the rainbow."  Some great perspective.

When we come to those times in our lives where everything seems to be falling apart, we have health concerns, are feeling great loss...we wonder where God is at.  "How can He let these things happen to me?  Why aren't things better?"

What we forget to realize is that He is holding us close always.  His arms are wrapped around us throughout the storms in our lives and His heart breaks for us.  But once the storm is over and dancing begins, God is the first one to celebrate with us.

"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”  Matthew 11:28  (MSG)

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. Hot air balloons

2. Serving communion

3. Clothes to launder

4. Finally having the DVD's find a home on shelves - thank you hubby :)

5. tears

Feeling Lousy

To say I feel lousy is such an understatement right now.  To top everything off I have a toothache and my husband is out of town :(  Three of my friends have lost parents over the weekend, my little one is not "wanting" to infuse and making it very difficult, and it's just already been a hard week.

It's only up from here :)

I have a lot brewing in my mind and heart and will be back to share with you next week.

Blessings to you all.

Inhale...Exhale

 

 

I am overflowing with gratitude these days.

     Our new church is, well, to say wonderful and fantastic is an understatement.

      The first cool nip of fall is in the air.

     My last couple of things in my house are coming together after the move.

      Our Aunt Jessie is in town for a good visit (and will be watching the kids for a few days as we go on a mini-       retreat :).

     My first sermon at the church retreat this coming weekend.

     My children are doing fantastic in school, my husband is happy…..I just can't for anything more.

    And I have a boss who I can talk to and be open with.

 I could go on and on with my list, but the one thing I have found that is almost overwhelming is the love that I feel in my life.  Not just the love I give, but the love that is shown to me. 

 I am able to inhale and exhale a bit deeper these days...I can't ask for anything more.

 Today I Am Thankful For:

1.  Pinterest!
2.  The laundry is all done
3.  Anticipating time away

4.  Good health

5.  CD/DVD storage units

Out of the Blue

Sometimes something comes to you out of the blue...right when you need it.  A phone call from an old friend, finding an old photo that brings back a wonderful memory, or getting a card in the mail from someone who took the time to think about you.  Last week, that "out of the blue" moment came to me at work.  I won a contest for submitting the best idea to our team (and received a cash prize to boot)!  It is my answer to being able to attend a speaker's conference in January :)

 

Honestly, things have been pretty rough lately.  The crazy thing is that there is not one thing in  my life going wrong.  Not one!  Actually, things are the best they have been in years!  But when you suffer from clinical depression it doesn't matter.  Everything can be as perfect as perfect can be, but when that shroud of depression hovers over you, it's a big fight to keep moving.  Over the years I have gotten much better at fighting my depression.  Used to be I would give in completely to it, but now I know the signs, can feel it coming on, and talk openly about it with my husband.  It just makes for really difficult days.

 

That surprise just helped me fight my way out of a really bad place.  You just never know what will matter.  Yes, a surprise and cash prize will make just about anyone happy, but how that surprise changed me meant more than any amount of money every could.  I had no idea when I submitted that idea that I would win...I'm just glad I listened and followed through.

 

You never know what is going to change a person's day.  Your smile, taking time for a phone call, including a person in your lunch group...you just have to listen to that voice within you.

Today I am Thankful For:

1.  surprises
2.  a new face cream
3.  Sunday afternoon's
4.  homemade tortillas
5.  just right Spanish rice :)

An Afternoon Filled With Happiness

Some people would describe a happy, Sunday afternoon as a nap, going to the movies, playing with the kids, or maybe even a good round of golf.  Last Sunday was a very happy afternoon for me.  I was able to sit uninterrupted for a few hours and do work for church.  Ministry work.  I spent time planning for events that are coming up...a new bible study, a women's ministry kickoff...fun stuff!  But when you work full time, cook, clean, etc. sometimes the things that bring you joy (hobbies and such) are way far down the list.

Ministry is where my heart is.  Not only ministry in church, but ministry through my day job as well(helping care for people with bleeding disorders and serving as a touchpoint for our national team).

Passion can be found in many places through many outlets...but where does your mind take you when you daydream?  You may find that it's where your heart belongs.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1.  Video games
2.  School starting!!
3.  Planning
4.  Dinner with new friends

5.  Daydreams

The Only Bible

How many Bibles do you own?  Personally, I've lost count, but I will admit that I do have a nice collection.  Different sizes, different translations….all very handy.  But the truth is that I always go back to my favorite.  It's my Life Application Study Bible.  I've had it for at least 10 years and it is the one that I go to first. 

I recently read about a great gift idea.  Giving a Bible.  Not just a new Bible with the person's name embossed on the cover, but your personal Bible with all of the highlighting and notes written in the margins.  It was even suggested to buy a new Bible, use it for a year, then give it as a present to maybe your teenager, or in preparation for a graduation or birthday.

Great idea!

Having a Bible is great, but the truth is, "we" may be the only Bible someone ever sees or hears. 

"May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer."  Psalm 19:14 (NIV)

Our words and actions are so important.  The "oozing" we are challenged to do (yes, as much of the time as possible) is a huge commitment.  But Christ wants us to live the best life we can live and at the same time, be an example of His love to others.

Are you up to oozing?

Today I Am Thankful For:

1.  Volunteers
2.  The smell of rain

3.  Bookshelves

4.  Company at my house

5.  Wholesale clubs (Sam's)

Are you sure, God?

I know that God has me on this Earth for many reasons.  I think one of them is so that He can have a good laugh :)  When I think about where I have come from and where I am at this moment, it is nothing but through God's grace that I am alive and thriving.  I am so incredibly grateful.

But lately, I have had something brewing inside of me.  I could not put words to it until now.  I feel as if the next part of my ministry needs to be helping to develop a Women's ministry at our church.  That I have accepted and am excited about, but there is one other thing.  I am feeling led to write more than my blog.  I believe God is putting it on my heart to write a Bible Study. 

Then my first question is, "Are you sure, God?  I don't have a seminary degree (yet) and my Bible knowledge is not the best, so are you really sure?"

Do you ever have those moments when you question God.

Just like Moses, Gideon and Jeremiah.  They did not think they were the appointed persons to lead but God sure showed them the way. 

I don't know anything about writing a study, but I am going to give it a try.  I would appreciate your prayers as I continue to discern God's voice.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1.      Blue skies

2.      Friendly neighbors

3.      Ink cartridges

4.      Paper bags with handles

5.      Shipping tape

Who you want to meet

I am an introvert.  Now, if I know you very well, you may not think that is true.  But I tend to be very quiet and have a difficult time reaching out and developing new relationships.  So as a pastor's wife, you can see how that may be a struggle :)

There are a few people I have met in my life that are the epitome of what my message in ministry is all about….oozing.  The people who you can hardly even look at because the light of Christ shines through them and the fact that they are living their life by following Christ in every way is what I call an oozer.  That's what I want to be.  I want to be a person that gives off that light.  In order for me to do that, I have to work through the introvert problem that I have.

I want to be the kind of person I want to meet.  I recently met a woman at our church who is an oozer through and through.  I truly had to step back when I met her because she was so "bright!"  Our meeting reignited my desire to show the world, truly through everything that I do, what oozing is all about.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1.      3 ring hole punchers

2.      Collapsible coolers

3.      Hope

4.      Clean towels

5.      Bananas

Adventure!

Today I am off to Wisconsin to speak at a Couple’s Retreat.  The couples are all affected by a bleeding disorder and my mission is to bring a positive, uplifting message as a parent of children with a bleeding disorder.  This is my passion!  Preaching God’s word and speaking to people about bleeding disorders is what makes me happiestJ . 

After Wisconsin, I will meet the colleagues I work with for a team meeting in Kansas City.  It’s going to be a busy stretch until Wednesday, but I am really looking forward to these trips.

Having the opportunity to travel and work and speak with amazing people is a huge gift…one that I cherish.  The only bad part is that I will be away from my men for a bit (thank goodness for Skype).

I will be back soon and pray that each and every day brings blessings so numerous and amazing to you that it is almost too much to comprehend.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1.      Travel size toiletries

2.      Boarding passes

3.      Little bags of peanuts

4.      A window seat

5.      Adventures yet to come

A Beautiful Day

Some days are better than others. 

Some days we run and run, looking at the clock anticipating the next thing on the list that needs to be accomplished.  If we are lucky, we occasionally have a day where the clock is not an issue.  That's one thing I love about Sunday afternoons.  Once church is over and we have eaten lunch, the afternoon is open…..for resting, relaxing and getting our minds ready for the upcoming week.

Yesterday was extra special because we celebrated Easter.  The weather was perfect, church went beautifully, we had a surprise visit by some old friends but most importantly, we celebrated that Christ had risen.

When you really stop to think about what that means, it's almost too much to comprehend.  If you have ever watched "The Passion of the Christ," I think you may have a pretty vivid visual of what Christ endured for each of us.  It was beyond unbearable.  That God would send his only Son to die for us, despite our messiness...despite our checkered pasts and despite the fact that we continue to mess up is just beyond comprehension.

The Lenten season is a journey.  A journey to the Risen Christ.

I am loved. 

Loved beyond words.

You are too.

Today I am Thankful For:

1.  Lilies

2.  Chocolate chip cookies

3.  Baby wipes

4.  DVR

5.  The Easter Bunny :)

Music.....passion

I remember my sister coming home from school one day (she was a junior in high school and I was in 5th grade) with an instrument for me.  She had told her band director that I made good grades and Mrs. D said, "then she is going to play oboe."

I soon started taking private lessons and realized music was truly my passion.

I had no idea how much of an impact playing that instrument would have on my life.  I excelled in music and eventually majored in Music Education in college and became a band director.  Throughout the years, I found great pleasure in playing freelance around the city of Houston, mainly at churches, and made many friends and most importantly, made some great music.

Yesterday I played a concert with the Mesilla Valley Concert Band and it was just wonderful.  Procession of the Nobles, Holst's Suite in Eb….some band standards that are timeless.  I sat there on the front row looking out at the audience (always a packed house at NMSU) and was filled with thanks…..thanks for my first band director, thanks to my dad who took me to lesson after lesson on Saturday mornings and thanks to all of the people who believed in my music. 

I am enjoying my music more than ever by playing in a band again.  Since I left teaching, I have had a void in my life.  I've missed making music on a regular basis.  I had no idea the day that oboe arrived in my home from Galena Park High School that my life would change and have meaning.

It's amazing what passion does to your life.  It can slip from our fingers and be forgotten and if you are lucky enough to awaken what makes you happy, you are blessed beyond measure.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1.  Blackberries

2.  Homemade tortillas

3.  When your Spanish rice turns out perfect :)

4.  Blingy sunglasses

5.  Hope