Complacency

Have you ever become complacent about anything? You know, just take things for granted? I have come face to face with complacency these past two weeks. My sons live with hemophilia. My oldest, Lance, has never had complications. We just treat his condition and go about our business. No problems. Until August 25th when he developed a pretty serious bleed.

All of a sudden, right between the eyes, it hit me. "Oh, yeah, my son has hemophilia!"

Something else I have been complacent about is the time I spend with God. When things are going well, and I go about my business, the kids are well, my husband is good, I'm feeling fine, I "forget" to spend my quality time with the Lord.

He waits on me everyday. But do I show up everyday?

I am getting better at protecting my time with God. When I have my quiet time and spend time in His word, my day is just better.

Have you become complacent about anthing ? Are you protecting your quiet time with God?

Things I Am Thankful For:
1. Seeing Lance's injury begin to heal
2. top quality medical care
3. temperatures in the 80's
4. Beth Moore
5. exfoliating lotion

Living Well

I am happy to say that today is a better day. My oldest son is still struggling with healing over the bleed he has been battling, but he is improving. My little one is good, so that makes things so much better in the dynamics of our family this week.

I went to the gym last night, even though my heart was not into it initially, and I am so glad I did. My routine on the treadmill is becoming easier! Yeah for improvement! My eating has been a little off kilter with all of the issues with my boys. I tend to eat when I get depressed or stressed....sound familiar?

Things are better and I am positive the rest of the week will be a success.

To visit others "Living Well" go to http://christianwomenonline.net/live_well.html.

Yuck

Yuck. That's how I feel today. Both of my sons are having bleeding issues (hemophilia). My oldest has been home three days from school due to a bleed and my husband took our little one to the treatment center 3 1/2 hours away to get his port checked. They are on the mend, but when they hurt and have problems, it hurts me deep down. I'd rather it be me.

As for taking care of myself, that's not going well right now. I just feel defeated. I even took the day off today to try and renew my focus, but I've just wasted the day. I hate getting like this.

I know I can do all things through Christ, I just fall into this pit from time to time and it eats me up.

Today I Am Thankful For

1. a clean kitchen
2. remote controls
3. tea
4. my husband offering to let me stay home
5. good smelling lotion

How to Look Good Naked

Have you seen the show "How to Look Good Naked?" I will admit that I have watched a few episodes and after a few times, you just start to feel really bad that a woman is putting herself out there in such a vulnerable way. I could not even imagine going on that show!

Women who have issues with their bodies go on to the show and the host, Carson Kressley, walks them through why they feel the way they do about their bodies. He asks, as they are in their underwear and bras, what they like and don't like about their body. Then, they rate themselves by comparing themselves to other women (also in bras and panties) to see where they think they stack up. Are they bigger or smaller, etc.

A week or so ago, I flipped on the show after it had already started, and Carson was showing a woman two life sized portraits of two very beautiful women. They were not overweight and he asked her what she liked about each of them. After a few minutes, he asked the models of the photos to come out from behind the pictures and they did not look at all like the photos. They had been airbrushed! The women from behind the photos were overweight and flawed....they were "real" women.

I loved this exercise in truth! The images we see on a daily basis are so often not reality. The woman who studied the photos was just blown away when they walked out and revealed their true selves.

After this portion of the show, the woman goes through a full makeover and does a photo shoot "naked" (covered in strategic places). In the end, you see women start to heal. They start to see themselves for who they really are and not the extra weight that is on them. That is the true message of the show.

Darlene tells us that when we "Live Well" we need to focus not on the weight and the food (especially when we "mess up") but on Christ. Who do we live for? Who do we want to "ooze" and shine through our every move? Jesus.

I pray that each of you go out this week with a renewed focus on who you serve in all things. And remember that you have been made by the Creator of the Univerese. You are perfect in his eyes.
Blessings

Today I Am Grateful For:

1. My new laptop!
2. Factor 8 that treats my sons bleeds
3. Rain
4. My husband
5. Kind words from a colleague

Oh, My G**!

Have you noticed how people carelessly throw around the name of the Lord? Most every reaction you hear is "Oh, my G**"! When I was younger, I used that expression all the time. Then I started to think about it. What did I really mean? Whom was I talking about? I realized my reactions to simple, and unimportant things...things that didn't take much thought...were punctuated with the name of the Creator of the Universe.

Is it too hard to say, "Oh, my gosh?" or "Oh, my goodness?"

We need to think twice about the words that come out of our mouths. Ephesians 4:29 "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."

Some may think that using the word "God" as an exclamation is not unholy, but I think it is more of an issue of reverence. Do we revere God in only his works and word not the proclaimation of His name? In the Jewish tradition, you will see Yahweh written as Y*****. They will not speak or write his name out of reverence. I think that is pretty amazing.

Choosing your language, and exclaimations, just may impress on others what you are and are not saying.

Today I am grateful for:
1. New kitchen floors!
2. a hard workout at the gym
3. an ice, cold 44 oz SONIC Diet Coke
4. the sounds of the handbells rehearsing at church
5. peaches

There's No Place Like Home

It is the third and final day of my business trip in Missouri. I am so ready to go home. So many people think traveling is "glamorous", but in truth, it gets old quick. I don't travel nearly as much as most of my colleagues and I can tell you this, it's not all it's cracked up to be.

It's really hard to "Live Well" when you are traveling. Last night we had a huge going away dinner for my boss and when you are in those situations, it's just hard to keep control. I did really well given the circumstances. The only thing is, I didn't work out. It had been an extremely long day into evening and I had a headache, so I went to my room and called it a night.

I am looking forward to going home, not just so that I can get back on my schedule of eating the way I should and exercising, but I just miss my guys.

Today I am grateful for:
1. 10 minute breaks in a long meeting
2. Tylenol
3. Sharing memories with colleagues
4. Hearing my sons voices on the phone
5. A great, big glass of iced tea

Join other women in their quest to "Live Well" by visiting http://www.christianwomenonline.net/live_well_wednesdays.html.

A Small Victory

Last night I had a business dinner. It was casual, as our team hasn't been together in a while. I love the team I work with. We are from all over the country and just mesh together so well. I am one of the oldest members on the team (not just in age, but in time with the company also). I ended up sitting next to a member from "Corporate" who is not a "member of our team", but is someone who is taking over as a person we answer to. I was pretty nervous. But it was great! We made great small talk and found that we had a few things in common and he was truly interested in the part I played on our team. The nerves disappeared! Victory for me! I felt as if I belonged (I've always known I did, but it's the demons playing games in my mind....)

I also worked out after dinner in the hotel exercise room! That, has never happened before. I "Lived Well" yesterday despite the traveling and business that happened around me. Woo Hoo!

Today I am grateful for:
1. Hearing my little one blow me kisses on the phone.
2. Hearing my oldest being jazzed about the 7th grade!
3. Feeling my worth.
4. A cool summer evening in Missouri.
5. Bottled water.

Blessings!

Gratitude

I am traveling on business to St. Louis today. During my layover in Dallas, early this morning, I went in search of a very large cup of coffee. My mind has not been settled. Whenever I go on certain business trips where “schmoozing” will be involved, I get in a very bad place in my mind. I second guess my worth, my knowledge, my contributions to the company and then I go into the “I don’t look the part”. “I cant’ lose weight fast enough, blah, blah, blah. As I walked “in search of”, I overheard a woman behind me on her cell phone. She sounded as if she was talking to a family member and said, “Her right arm and leg are paralyzed……….” That’s all I remember. That’s all I needed to hear. Here I am getting down on myself because of my appearance and there is someone who has lost the use of two of their limbs! I immediately asked God to forgive me. I can be so selfish. The things I find important or I should say the things that consume me, are trite in the grand scheme of the world.
Do we thank God often enough for what we have? Our health, our family, that we can worship as we please, that we have more than enough food to eat, that we can earn an honest living. Something I did regularly, quite some time ago, was to write in a “Gratitude Journal”. At the end of the day I would write down five things I was grateful for, no matter how large or small. I am starting that today. I encourage you to do the same. What are some of the things you are grateful for?
Today I am grateful for:
1. The unexpected hour I had to wait for the shuttle and was able to write.
2. The ability to walk through the airports without needing assistance.
3. For my husband, who takes over the “Mommy” stuff when I travel (and does a beautiful job).
4. A job that allows me freedom in my schedule and to work from home.
5. The calling the Lord has put on my heart to write and speak His word.

Want versus Need

I just read a great devotional by Darlene at Living Well Wednesday. She talks about "Hunting and Pursuing". I catch myself, so often, trying to get more. More stuff. I know the differnce between want and need, but so often I just go for the "want". It's the same with food. Am I really hungry, or do I just want to eat because I'm bored? Perhaps I've just finished a meal and I am satisfied, but that pie looks awfully good. I want it, I don't need it!

I am trying to change my want vs. need mentality in all ways, especially where food is concerned.

What about Christ? My relationship is with Him is definitely a need. I try to pursue Him everyday, but so often I fall short and don't follow through. I let life get so busy that I forget to spend time and make that time that I spend with Him a priority. It is a need. A need that once I grab onto will fill me up in all ways.

I hope you are Living Well. Not just by meeting your physical needs but most especially in letting Christ consume you.

A New Baby

I just heard that an old friend of mine from Houston gave birth to a beautiful baby boy! Mom and baby are doing wonderful. He was diagnosed with Severe Hemophilia A like one of his brothers. It took me back to my youngest son's (Christian) diagnosis. I was certain that my oldest son's diagnosis of Severe Hemophilia A was a fluke. Surely I would not have another child with hemophilia. Well, God had other plans for our family and for my Christian.

I truly believe the Lord does not give any of us more than we can handle. I never dreamed I would have one child, much less two, with a severe, chronic, medical condition. It may sound strange, but Hemophilia has been nothing but a blessing in many ways to our family. Would I prefer that my children did not have the disorder? Of course! But we are equipped in every way to handle it and to raise our boys knowing that it is something they must live with and can live extremely full lives with little they cannot do.

I thank God for the road He has led me on. I encourage you to find the blessings in everything that comes your way.

"If only..."

Have you ever come across someone who you just want to shake and tell them "Don't you get it?" You see how they can be fixed. "If they would only".........then they would be okay. "If they would only".................they would lose weight. "If they would only"..............they would save money. And so on and so on.

I know for a fact God did not put me here on earth to "fix" others in the ways I think they should be fixed. I think when you become a mom, something inside you just switches on that makes you want to be the "Grand Fixer of All Things...and People". Sometimes it's just so hard to love others and see them the way God sees them. I hate when I do that.

"Father, God, I pray today that I have eyes to see others as you do. To love unconditionally, and to give wholeheartedly."

Living Well Wednesday

I needed to be reminded to "focus". It's so easy to take everything in at once, and not any one single thing. Every time I sit on the sofa (in my spot) my two year old immediately climbs in my lap. I have caught myself getting frustrated when he does this because I am trying to watch a show, or reading a book. But I know that I need to stop, and focus on him. The other stuff can wait.

It's like our "Living Well". I so often think about being at my goal weight and how long it will take. And what happens, I get frustrated and overwhelmed. I don't stop and focus on just today. One thing at a time.

I actually feel great! I've been consistently going to the gym and have been watching what I'm eating. I'm not trying to go crazy with counting calories, I'm just focusing on three sensible meals and snacks. One step at a time.

I also am starting a new bible study, "Believing God" by Beth Moore. I started it several years ago, and never did finish. I have felt led to re visit this study, so I am excited about focusing on it over the next several weeks.

Here's to "Living Well"!

Sunday's

We have made Sunday a day of no television, no computers, and no XBox, until 5 pm...you have to start somewhere. Electronics have taken over and I am just as bad as my hubby and Lance. It's gotten to where I don't really watch t.v. (summer t.v. is pretty bad anyway) but I need the noise on. Or else my little one, Christian, is watching a movie. It just keeps me company.

It has gone extremely well. We read a lot after church, and take the customary Sunday nap. We go outside as a family and just have fun. There's not really been any complaining, which has been great. I am hoping we can extend our "No T.V." time, but know that we just need to take it a step at a time.

I want Jesus to keep me company. I don't need reruns and mindless shows on in the background, just the companionship of the Creator.

A New Commitment

Well, I've started again. My weight loss journey, that is. I hit the treadmill at the gym. The crazy thing is, when I am there walking, I feel like I'm not doing enough. I see the weights and they are just too overwhelming. I figure that I will at least get started with my cardio work and try to be consistent with that before I even think about weights.

Why can't I keep focused? I am going to turn 40 in a few months and I absolutely hate how I look and feel. Shouldn't that be enough to keep me motivated? I think it's the fact that I want everything to happen overnight. How crazy is that? I know in my heart, it will take time, but it is just so easy to get discouraged.

This time has to be different. I have to do it. I have to remember to keep God first in everything, especially this. I know I can do anything and everything through Him. I think Satan just really knows my weaknesses and hits me hard.

Here's to Living Well!

A Random Act of Kindness

I spent almost two weeks in Houston and was reminded of the ills of big city living. Traffic, traffic, traffic! Also, Houston has the kind of humidity that will literally drench you from head to toe. Needless to say, there was not much that I missed (except for the Tex-Mex).

One sight you will see on almost every corner is someone panhandling. I hate that I am so negative towards these people. It must be hard to stand, for everyone to see, and ask for food and/or money. I am sure many of those people are in desperate need, but I do know that others are looking for drug money or even an easy way to make a few bucks.

As I was waiting at a light on the feeder to the freeway, a man was walking between the lanes of traffic with a bucket for money. A woman in a Range Rover leaned over and through the passenger window, handed him a big Ziploc bag. It was filled with a root bear, soap, various toiletries and snacks.

Wow! What a wonderful idea! She obviously took the time to make up a bag (I'm sure she had a few in her car), put thought into what someone on the street might need, and gave of herself. She was the hands and feet of Christ to that man.

I want to have a heart like that woman. I want to give freely, without judgement. I want to see others as God does. Each and every person a creation in Christ.

Surrender

In the corporate world, you really don't know if you will have a job from one day to the next. Without warning, you could get "the phone call" and be jobless. When I took a job in this world five years ago, I was constantly worried about "the phone call". Thankfully, it has yet to come.

I kept questioning myself and often wondered why I left such a comfortable position in the teaching world to go out to the unknown. I knew it was God, but the uncertainty made me crazy.

I was talking to my boss about our positions in the company today as we heard the news of her boss, and dear friend, resigning to take advantage of a wonderful opportunity. She asked me if I was worried about my job and for the first time in five years I honestly, without reservation told her that I wasn't. I went on to tell her that if the company was going to let me go, there was not much I could probably do about it and that God would be leading me on a different path...a better one.

Wouldn't it be great if we approached everything in our lives this way? To keep in the front of our minds that God has ordained our paths and when one door closes, another will open. It may not open when we want it to or even lead to where we think we should go, but we need to surrender ourselves to God's will completely, and everyday.

I have to remind myself everyday "Not my will, by thy will be done".

"Wadee" and Ladybugs

In a mere hour we will be heading back home! I can't believe we survived the bohemian, one room, student apartment for 12 days! It really has not been that bad, but the thought of my own bed is heavenly.

This morning I took my 2 year old, Christian, for our last walk on campus. He was all excited about seeing the "wadee". Water, that is. There are several ponds with lilypads and running water and he absolutely goes crazy over watching the flies on the water and the little waterfalls.

Well, we had a couple of beautiful surprises this morning. On our way, we saw the most beautiful (and enormous) butterfly. He was black and yellow having a good old time in a patch of flowers. My Christian's eyes were huge. We stood for several minutes watching the beauty of this little creature hopping from flower to flower. When he flew off, Christian blew him a great big kiss. How beautiful is that?

We finally reached our "wadee" destination and while Christian was climbing down from the little ledge that lined the walkway he saw a ladybug. It was all alone, looking for a way down. I put the ladybug on my hand and Christian went nuts! He must have thought I was going to hurt it, so I put it back down and we sat and watched it run around until it disappeared.

Children and innocence. It's a beautiful thing. I am blessed to have a little one in my life again for many reasons, but today, he helped me to see the beauty in the tiniest things God has created.

A Reminder

Both of my sons have a bleeding disorder, Severe Hemophilia A. My 12 year old has not had major complications or "bleeds" and we have been extremely blessed with his journey with hemophilia.

My little one is another story. Everything that Lance did not experience Christian has. Tonight we went to dinner (Japanese Hibachi! YUM!) and as we were leaving the restaurant, Christian was limping. That's the thing with hemophilia, a bleed can happen for no reason.

His ankle was swelling so off we went to the apartment to infuse. It will take several infusions over the next few days to clear it up, but fortunately we have medication that can help him.

I get angry with myself because my selfishness rears its ugly head with hemophilia sometimes. I think to myself, "Great. We need to stop everything and infuse." What I really need to think is, "Great! We can stop and infuse and everything will be okay." I hate that that side of me comes out. It's just not pretty.

Am I thrilled and happy that my sons have to deal with this disorder? No. But I do know for sure that God knew the obstacles they would have in their lives and I am privledged enough that He saw me fit to guide them.

"Thank you, Father, for the lives you have entrusted to my care. I am grateful that we have factor to treat their bleeds and enough love and compassion to deal with the things that hemophilia brings our way."

Working from Home

I work from home and that can truly be a challenge. First of all, you really need to be a highly motivated, self starter, and sometimes you just don't feel like living up to those expectations.

My job allows me to work wherever my laptop and cell phone are able to be connected. The world wide web is an amazing thing. But, working from a home office can get lonely and it does not help my depression at times.

When I was going through some very dark roads after my father died this past fall, my depression was eating my lunch. Working from home was not going well. I truly felt as if my life was falling apart. My husband (the Music Minister at our church) moved my office to his choir room. It truly saved my life. Being around people and having to physically go in to work helped to put me back on track. I am an "honorary staff member". They are wonderful folks.

Today has just been a great Monday. Work has been good, I've been extremely productive my family is together (in our one room apartment until we head home Friday..Woo Hoo!) and the sun is shining.

What can I say, God is Good All the Time!

Being Thankful.....

Yesterday was not a good day. The day before, we traveled from Deming to Denver and arrived at 11:30 pm Sunday night. I decided to bring the boys up to Denver while my husband takes his summer classes at Iliff.

We are in a one room efficiency apartment....the toilet overflowed three times.....I was exhausted and had a conference call at 8 am .......I was not a happy camper.

Needless to say, I was in a very bad mood. I was already trying to decide when me and the boys would be heading back home. I know I stressed my husband out and I really felt bad, but I was miserable! Why did I decide to load up and come for two weeks (of course, it was my idea)?

God helped me to see how selfish I was being. I wanted to pack up and come so we would all be together. I am blessed with a job that allows me to work wherever my laptop and cell phone work, so why not keep the family together?

My husband and I are best friends. We don't do well when the other is away. I mean, we handle the duties of mom/dad fine when the other is gone, but we are so connected. We are truly complete together (I know, that's a bit codependent...but we're close).

Today was a much better day. I was more productive with work, was able to stock the kitchen, went for a walk before the kids were up and just had a better attitude.

We're staying. I am living the saying "Home is where your heart is" because I am with all my guys. It doesn't matter how many rooms you have (or if you have cable) it's all about being together and showing love for each other.

"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18