Am I Too Passionate?

Back in October, my 14 year old was bullied at school and physically attacked. I've been waiting and waiting for something to happen.

Long story short, the Police Department did everything they were supposed to do, filed the report within 24 hours and now the Juvenile Probation office says they never received it. The officer re-submitted the report last week and now the case is open.

I was treated so badly by a secretary at the Juvenile office today that I have already reported her actions to her supervisor and have crafted a letter to send to her directly (while copying her supervisor and the police captain).

I'm ticked.

I've had physical stress like none other over the past two weeks.

I just believe that the right thing needs to be done for the sake of the right thing needing to be done.

The "rude secretary" needs to learn about customer service. Sometimes you deal with irate people, sometimes they are even a bit ignorant, but your job is to handle them as well as possible.

She needs to learn how to see people from another point of view (especially in her line of work).

She didn't understand that I had been getting the "run around" and had been waiting since October for justice to be served. Could I help that I am at my wits end with all of this?

She doesn't know that it takes over $100,000 a year to treat my son with factor replacement therapy and that the injuries he sustained, for the average person, were probably no big deal. It cost over $6,000 extra to treat those injuries. His injuries could have been life threatening if that bully had gone just a little bit farther.

She also didn't know the stress I was under because at the moment I was in her office looking for a few answers, my 5 year old was home suffering from not only a nasty ear infection, but a pretty serious bleed in his thigh and we had been infusing him every three hours around the clock.

You have to watch the words you say and how you say them.

Often times it's best to not say anything, but simply shake your head in agreement.

I don't get angry at much anymore, but when you mess with my children or husband, I get a little crazy.

I would appreciate your prayers as the report of the incident finally gets underway.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. Listening
2. A soft, pallet on the floor
3. An understanding ear
4. Realizations
5. passion

The Things We Say

You never know how powerful your words are.

An old school friend of mine shared a memory with me. She described the scene, told me what I said...but I couldn't remember the moment! She sure did. I said something kind to her and it was something she needed to hear. It was something that meant more to her than I ever imagined. I'm glad that in that moment, I spoke my heart. It was the Holy Spirit using me.

Last night I spoke to a women's group. A close knit group of a "sisterhood" that I am fortunate enough to claim as my own. When I was finished, I was approached by several of my "sisters" and they had such nice things to say. Honestly, I was a little disappointed in my presentation, but apparently my message touched several people.

The evening was not about me needing to take my own advice, but about speaking the truth that the Holy Spirit put on my heart for others to hear.

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." Ephesians 4:29 (NIV)

I understand my passion now. It's not just about "speaking in public" and teaching, but to deliver the message that God gives to me. Even if the message I am delivering seems to be "old hat" and maybe not as poignant for me personally, those words I share may change someone else's heart.

You just never know.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. Bubble wrap
2. My son cleaning the kitchen
3. Sweaty feet
4. A compliment by a stranger
5. Photo kiosks

One of Those Days

You ever have one of those days that just pushed you to the limit every time you turned around?

That was today. I don't feel like talking much about it right now, but I know that Satan had a field day with me today. I was so busy and overwhelmed and angry at a situation that my joy was nowhere to be found. It was sucked out of me. The crazy thing is that I had more joy than I knew what to do with Wednesday afternoon! I even caught myself singing at the top of my lungs on the way home from Las Cruces. I mean I was singing like nobody's business:)

I guess the enemy just could not handle my happiness and he definitely got the best of me today.

During our Maundy Thursday service tonight, as I was taking communion from my husband, I became a little emotional. It was if Christ was touching my heart. I was reminded me that He was with me, even if I was not completely in the moment. He brought me back to that important moment of what the meaning of communion is about. The reverence, the beauty, the realization of what the Creator of the Universe did for us.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. Trying a new place to eat
2. A friend in church taking charge of my little one while I played music for the service
3. A new book on my Kindle
4. My little one curling up next to me, snoring 5 minutes later
5. Memories from an old friend

Routine

There are some things in everyday living that just bring a sense of comfort and joy to my heart...

Being the first one up in the morning
My snoring, overweight Sheltie
My husband playing computer solitaire
Setting clothes out at night for the next day
Listening to my fourteen year old sing as he goes about his day
Stopping by Circle K for my morning coffee (I love me some gas station coffee)
Listening to my husband read night night stories
My five year old having his regular evening snack of raisins and milk (odd combination, I know)

I could go on and on about the little things in my life that mean so much. So many things that seem mundane are really precious treasures.

I have a routine in the morning. It's always the same. Why have I gotten so far away from using some of that time to be still and listen to what the Creator of the Universe has to say to me? It's almost like I am asking for something negative to happen. Do I really need for something to "shock" me into remembering how important my faith is in Christ ?

I know I am not the only one who leans heavily on God when things are rough. What I am seeing in myself is that I am getting comfortable. Comfortable in my surroundings, comfortable in my routine, and not praising God for those routine things that make life special.

Anyone can cry out to God when they are in despair.

When is the last time you cried out in praise to Him for no reason at all?

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. Easter decorations
2. newspaper
3. new fingernail polish
4. piano benches
5. raisins

Sunday Morning Struggle

I struggle on Sunday mornings. As the wife of a pastor, "meeting and greeting" is part of the morning. I always feel like I have to be "on" and am always concerned that I am not "genuine" in my intentions. I'll admit, sometimes I have to pull myself up and "fake it" if I'm not feeling well or don't remember someone's name. Honestly, going up to make conversation with someone is not my strength.

Yesterday morning was different. I went early to fix a few small things (a new tablecloth at the entry, the new Children's worship boxes, water the new flowers, etc.) and for the first time I truly felt as if I was serving wholeheartedly.

It's not that I have served with negative intentions, but the pressures and expectations that go along with being the wife of a pastor are hard to sometimes deal with.

The bottom line is...I am a regular person. I don't wear a powder blue suit with a pill box hat on Sunday's with a casserole waiting in the oven when we get home. I am a broken person who struggles each day to do the best that I can. Each day is a new day to bring the best of myself to my family, our congregation and most importantly, myself.

I struggle and try to struggle well. Aren't we blessed to have each day begin fresh and new.

Remember, his mercies are new every morning (Lamentations 3:22-23)

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. A clean yard
2. Memories of my Dad
3. Leftover roast
4. A fantastic Palm Sunday service
5. AA batteries

Ten Minutes

I caught the end of a evening talk show the other night and the interviewer asked the celebrity a great question.

"If you could re-live 10 minutes of your life, excluding the birth of your child, what would it be?"

I remember it vividly. December 21, 1992 at Bearskin Lodge. Joe and I were on our honeymoon. I remember walking from the lodge to our cabin, stopping and looking straight up. It was 17 degrees, snow was falling, and the trees were covered with snow. It took my breath away. I knew at that moment that I was truly married to my best friend. That we were meant to be together. We were alone without a care in the world. About to begin a new life together filled with possibilities. I know that God's hand was in that moment.

What are your "ten minutes?"

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. blackberries
2. lunch with a girlfriend
3. hearing the voice of a dear friend
4. bird feed
5. babies

Listening

Sometimes you do what you think you are "supposed" to do.

But I have recently found that doing the next thing on my list has not exactly felt right.

I have enjoyed my classes in seminary, but I have felt like I've been trying to put a square peg in a round hole. I'm trying too hard to make it happen.

I've decided to step back for awhile...and listen.


Sometimes stopping and living each moment for what it is and not worrying about what is to come is the best solution.

I guess it's what that "intentional" living is all about.


Today I Am Thankful For:

1. dusty floors
2. new pillows
3. Easter "buckets"
4. magnetic fridge clips
5. being quiet

What's Their Story?

We went to one of our favorite restaurant's after church Sunday at the golf course. The deck is beautiful and the weather was perfect. The waitress knows our orders before we even sit down (we've been there a "few" times).

A new waiter was working. My husband proceeded to tell me his name, that he moved from a nearby town, recently broke up with his girlfriend and is busing and waiting tables so that he can be here near his mother who is dying from cancer.

Wow. You just never know.

Yesterday I was in the drive thru at SONIC (feeding my Diet Coke addiction) and it was taking a really, really long time. I stuck with it and the woman in front of me had had it! She got out of her car and banged on the window demanding her money back. It was not pretty. When I got up to the window, the young woman (who is as sweet as can be...she knows me too) was red faced and trying to not get upset. She obviously was doing the best she could.

As I drove away I wondered what the young woman's story was. Is she working to provide for her family? Struggling through school? Trying to figure out the next step in her young life?

When we begin to get exasperated with others, I think it's important to put ourselves in their situation. What would we feel like if an irate customer attacked you and you were doing the best you could? We have no idea what is going on in their lives.

An "oozer" will take a deep breath, show some compassion, and try to handle the situation with grace.

Several years ago, I was the woman who banged on the window demanding my money back.

I am so glad Christ has changed me. I'm not perfect and I don't ooze all the time, but it is the way I strive to live. I am so grateful that He gives us a clean slate each morning.

"Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." Lamentations 3:22-23 (NIV)

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. make-up work
2. research
3. soft dog food
4. our local office supply
5. tower fans

Making Things Happen

“ Time is limited, so I better wake up every morning fresh and know that I have just one chance to live this particular day right, and to string my days together into a life of action, and purpose. ” Lance Armstrong

I've caught myself seeing the weeks go by with the same to do list in my head. I am realizing that progress is not being made in several areas of my life. I have to make things happen.

I don't want to settle...on my opportunities at work, with my weight, the state of my health, not moving forward with my speaking ministry. There are too many things I want to happen in my life and I am catching myself just settling and going with the flow.

One of the people I admire most is my husband. When he realized he wanted to be in ministry full-time as an elder in the church and not just a music minister, he made it happen. We lived in a small town in New Mexico and he managed to get to school in Denver once a week and took classes online...for three years. He is now pastoring our church and is completely happy. He followed his dream, his passion. It was not given to him on a silver platter, he had to work for it.

I think it might be that I am just a little scared. My life is nothing like I "planned" and I am grateful, because I am definitely not the same person I was ten years ago, but I think I need to step it up and make some things happen.

My son recently asked me if I had accomplished what I wanted with my life. I told him yes in many ways, but that I didn't believe I was where I needed to be quite yet.

Maybe I'm still trying to figure out what I am going to be when I grow up.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. Ceiling fans
2. An unexpected chill in the air
3. Ink
4. Dry hands
5. Baby blankets