Robbed

I am not in a good place. On our way back from Houston, we stopped to eat in El Paso and our car was broken into. Our laptops and my purse were stolen. It's just a sickening feeling.

You hear of people saying "Oh, you feel so violated." Well, it's true. You don't understand that until it happens to you.

It sounds silly, but when you have your life on your laptop and in your wallet, and you know it's in someone else's hands, it's just creepy. (Even if everything is password protected).

I have a daily calendar from the "Touched By An Angel" series that has a saying from the show for each day. When I picked it up to catch up, the saying read...

"Who you are isn't measured by what's in your wallet, but by what's in your soul."

Isn't that the truth? I mean, no, it's a real pain to close bank accounts, file police reports, and insurance, but at least when you have the resources, you are blessed to be able to replace things.

My prayer is that whomever gets into my laptop will see that Christ was important to its original owner. Maybe they will want to know more about Him.

I know all things happen for reasons unknown to us, I just hope that my things will be a blessing to someone in the end.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. My son's "junker laptop"
2. insurance
3. a night of bowling
4. pizza
5. my family being safe

New Every Morning

A brand, new spiral notebook (because I need another brand, new spiral notebook). A fresh start. A clean slate. It's the notion that nothing bad from your past is taken into account. Today is a new day.

"God's loyal love couldn't have run out,
his merciful love couldn't have dried up.
They're created new every morning.
How great your faithfulness!
I'm sticking with God (I say it over and over).
He's all I've got left!"
Lamentations 3:22-24 The Message

What do we do with a "clean slate?" Do we truly start over every day? I can easily equate this with my never ending self care (do you notice I didn't just say D-I-E-T-?). If my present day ends in overeating or not exercising...there's always tomorrow. Right?

If we are blessed enough to wake up yet another day, then God is not through with us yet. Do we truly use that next day to the best of our ability or do we live in the mistakes of our past? I tend to not let go. I beat myself up and in the bludgeoning I am missing out. Missing out on the best life that God has blessed me with. Missing out on being a blessing not just to myself, but to others. And, being a blessing to Him.

What is holding you back from accepting the gift of a new day filled with grace?

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. Origins Ginger Souffle
2. straws
3. former students
4. a great mattress
5. a dead laptop

Comparisons

Comparisons can eat you alive.

As a woman in this day and age, we so often look at the women in the public eye and start to compare ourselves to images that are impossible to attain. Airbrushed images of models, way too skinny women, and way too perfect hair. It never ends.

I know that God loves me the way I am right at this moment. He doesn't make mistakes.

Have you ever been in public and noticed someone who may not be dressed to "your standard" or who was extremely overweight? Or maybe even someone who looked "perfect" and you start to pass judgement?

I caught myself doing that recently. Why is it that we do that? "At least I am thinner than she is.....I would never wear that in public, she looks terrible....How can they dress their children that way?" And the vile words can go on and on.

I think Satan just knows how to get the best of us all the time. He knows our weaknesses and knows where we feel of the least worth.

The truth is, God loves the woman who is extremely overweight...He loves the woman who is scantily dressed with tatoos covering her body...He loves me, the sinner, who feels of little worth and knows when I am criticizing that I am hurting inside.

"Father, God, forgive me for comparing and criticizing. I want to be an oozer and I fall short of the mark daily. I want your love to shine through me in all that I do. I want to have a heart that will give everything up in the name of love and grace. Amen"

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. rain
2. my extra weight
3. stepping "out of the box"
4. family
5. the quiet of a library

Joy

Joy - "the emotion evoked by well being, success or good fortune or by the prospect of possessing what one desires"

Today I experienced an amazing amount of joy through the eyes of my three year old.

We are visiting my mother-in-law in Houston and we took off on an adventure to the Aquarium. We had a wonderful lunch surrounded by large aquariums filled with every kind of fish you could imagine. Our day continued with a train ride, carousel ride, adventure through a shark tank and finished with time in the dancing waters.



I was able to ignore the heat and humidity (I am soooo acclimated to the dry desert), the sweat dripping down my face, the annoying man spraying everyone waiting in line with a water gun and the long lines to see life through the eyes of my little one.




The ant that was crawling on the ground while we were waiting in line, the big, green eel in the fish tank, the excitement of the train whistle...it was joyous! I was able, for the first time in a long time, to ignore the trappings of everyday life and just enjoy the moments.

We get so caught up in doing. Do we stop long enough to enjoy?

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. fish
2. excitement
3. ice cream
4. humidity
5. a cool shower

Me, Myself & Lies

I am working through a great study called "Me, Myself & Lies" by Jennifer Rothschild.

Today's lesson was just hard hitting for me.

Jennifer's whole premise of the book is about builing our "thought closet" to represent the truths we hold of ourselves, not the negatives.

Her example today was great.

"You spot a wad of fabric near a trash can. As you approach, the stench accosts you! Even so, you pick up the nasty fabric and discover it's a woman's blouse. Hmm, you think, I wear blouses! I wouldn't have chosen this one, but here it is...So you hang it by your favorite jeans and think, I don't like this, but it's here, so I guess I'll keep it. Now the whole closet reeks and your clean, lovely clothes get dirty as you shove it in place. It has no value; but now it's yours." (from "Me, Myself & Lies" by Jennifer Rothschild)

Isn't that true of what we think of ourselves? One, stinky, untruth can destroy the library of good things that we think of ourself. "Library of good things?" you say? That's where we have to start. We often find it hard to say good, truthful things of ourselves.

Make a list. "I am....." Don't let the one, ugly thought come in and destroy your words. Don't say, "I am fat, I am ugly, I am not smart."

Remember, God made us the way we are and loves us right at this very moment, the way we are!

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. Bible Study
2. barking dogs
3. renewed passion
4. my hubby not traveling again until September!
5. preparing to send my son to camp

We All Have Something

I mentioned in an earlier post that we all have "something" in our lives that we deal with. A sick child, a broken marriage, financial problems that seem to never go away, an ill parent, a job you don't necessarily love, or even a broken relationship.

I have two children that struggle with Hemophilia. My three year old struggles the most. Even this past weekend (following his week long stay in the hospital) he had a pretty bad ankle bleed. We infuse every 2 hours, then every four hours, so it never ends.

He has to be carried to the potty, he can't walk and he just doesn't understand why.

It breaks my heart and it is exhausting. Sometimes I think I can't go on...but I do with the strength God gives me.

I think back to what someone who used to be close to me said, "You shouldn't have another child, you can barely deal with the one you have."

Those words hurt deeply. For years I thought they were true until my suprise came 10years after my oldest was born! What a joy he has been. I can't imagine life without both of my boys, hemophilia and all.

How does that saying go, "That which doesn't kill us makes us stronger." ??

I think the bottom line is that God is with us in all that we do. He is with us in every single detail of our lives. From the good to the ugly to the heart breaking.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. my marriage to a wonderful man
2. ice cream cake
3. movie night
4. dirty carpet
5. hemophilia

This Time Tomorrow....

Ah, this time tomorrow I will be in my own bed, with my own pillow. We will have ordered pizza earlier in the evening (no plans to cook) and have sat on our sofa doing some major veggin out.

I am sitting in the quiet, darkness of a hospital room, knowing that all is well with my Christian. I've been second guessing myself quite a bit..."I should have had him checked out earlier, Why didn't I go with my gut instinct", and so on. It's just the enemy playing with my head and my heart.

I sit here looking out at the lights of Albuquerque thanking God that all is well and we are going home. That we don't have to do "chemo" treatments, or stay in the hospital to heal from an accident.

Everyone has "something" to deal with. I just thank God that He has given me the strength and love to live with hemophilia.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. Cold Brew tea
2. hospital blankets
3. a night spent in a hotel
4. portable DVD players
5. fireworks

I Was Right

I recently wrote about intuition. I had known something was wrong with my little guy's port and it ended up that we didn't need to get anything checked out. It started to feel okay, so we thought all was well...and Tuesday it happened...it didn't work.

We drove to Albuquerque to get it checked out and we were admitted to the hospital. He went into surgery Wednesday and we found out his port was toast. It came out and a new one was implanted. I knew almost two weeks ago that something was wrong with it. My gut just told me.

He is doing very well, but we won't be leaving until Tuesday. Ah, the joys of "living" in the hospital...hospital food, daytime television, the "comfort" of the guest bed, and the bored patient. (But, I was told we have one of the best views for the big fireworks show on Saturday!)

Thankfully there is a great activity center and playground to help the days go by faster now that my Christian is doing better.

I am here surrouned by children who have also had major surgeries that won't be going home anytime soon. Children with cancer, others moms who haven't been home in weeks...

I thank you, Father, God, for the blessing of my children and their medical conditions. I wouldn't trade them for the world.


Today I Am Thankful For:

1. a new port
2. nurses that have answered their calling
3. wireless internet
4. crushed ice
5. our amazing hematologist

Prayers Please

I am sitting in the hospital in Albuquerque with my little "Christian." We came in today with complications from his port-a-cath. He is having surgery tomorrow to have it removed and a new one inserted.

Please keep him in your prayers. He's had a really traumatic day.

I'll be back with an update soon.

Blessings,

The Corners

I spent the morning cleaning house. My company had just left, and I needed to get things freshened up for the week.

My least favorite part of cleaning house, is cleaning floors. Yuck! Give me a toilet, or a stove no problem, but the floors? I just hate doing them.

I try the fastest approach...the Swiffer. I love my Swiffer simply because it is fast and no fuss. But, it doesn't do a fabulous job. The dirt gets pushed to the corners and after awhile, builds up.

I decided the floors needed extra attention, so I dragged the mop and bucket out. It does a better job than the Swiffer, but still, there is dirt in the corners.

What is the best way to clean a floor? On your hands and knees.

I equate it to studying God's word.

Its easy to find a great verse and say, "Oh, that is nice, it really speaks to me and fits my situation right now." You even go to the lengths of writing it on a card and memorizing it, but do you truly know what it means.

Do you let the scripture sink into you? Do you sit and marinate yourself with the word and let it transform you? Are you on your hands and knees?

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. a new blouse
2. new slippers
3. the swimming pool
4. fresh sheets
5. bathroom floors

He Never Leaves

One of my biggest fears came to pass yesterday. My vehicle died in rush hour traffic. Thankfully, one of the Courtesy Wreckers in Albuquerque (big yellow trucks that run around during rush hour) immediately pulled in behind me.



I turned the car off, restarted, and it was as if nothing was wrong. I called my husband (in Denver, like he could come rescue me....) and he was my GPS. He directed me to a local garage and the verdict...bad gas. Bad gas! I still had to drive the 3 1/2 hours home!



I managed to get to the scrapbook store and then my business dinner and hit the road at 8 pm. I've never driven as intently (and at the top of the speed limit) as I did last night.



You know what I learned last night? God never leaves me alone. He sent the wrecker to me, my husband was able to direct me to a garage open till 5:30 and not 5:00, and He stayed with me throughout my drive through rain and darkness all the way home, while my cell phone was in the red.





"Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you." Hebrews 13:5



Today I Am Thankful For:


1. great conversation
2. nice restaurants
3. grapefruit
4. fuel treatment
5. Chevron

Humidity

I lived in Houston for 30+ years, and humidity was something you lived with. Over 100%? No worries, it was the norm.

Now that I live in the desert where the humidity is in the single digits, Ah, Life is Good! No more bad hair days...that is...until the monsoon season strikes.

Our humidity is in the 60% range and I am suffocating! My hair! It's awful the minute I walk outside my house!

But you know what the truth is? What is on the outside does not always reflect what is on the inside. God knows our insides. He doesn't worry about what our outsides are doing as much as what is going on in our hearts.

I struggle with my outward appearance. I need to lose weight, my hair is having a bad day, I could use a few new pieces of clothing. What I need to spend my energy on is the inside of myself. The words I use to talk to myself.

I am reading a great book, "Self Talk, Soul Talk" by Jennifer Rothschild and I am also working her bible study "Me, Myself and Lies" with Beth Moore at the LPM Blog.

We can dress ourselves up, have perfect hair and makeup, but if the words we speak to ourselves are ugly and not of God, the outside is just for show.

I need to work harder at getting my insides to match what the Lord wants for me.

What about you?

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. my weekly menu
2. webcams
3. socks
4. my corner rounder
5. UPS

A Great (Exhausting) Weekend

What a weekend!

We threw a birthday party for my teenager to be (June 23rd) at the local gaming place. It's a place where they have flat screen tv's and game systems. We were there for SIX HOURS! Lance and his friends had a fantastic time!




Oh, but the day was not over yet. Our church held a Performing Arts Camp and the kids presented the musical HONK! What a precious retelling of the Ugly Duckling story. My Lance was "Ugly" and my husband was "The Cat!" It was wonderful!





And to top off our crazy busy weekend, we have relatives in for the week and my husband left for Denver (seminary) for the week.

Am I blessed, or what?!

I thank God for the people in my life. For my sons and their hemophilia, my husband and him following God's call on his life, for a family that has taken me in and always made me feel as their own.

It doesn't get much better.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. family
2. talent
3. half popped popcorn kernels (the best part!)
4. ice chests that leak
5. selfless gestures by sweet people

Intuition

Intuition - quick and ready insight; knowledge or conviction
"Mother's Intuition" - 98% on the money!

I think the moment I gave birth to my first child the "motherly intuition" gene was activated. It's that intuition that tells you when something bad is about to happen, when to turn and look right at the moment your toddler is climbing up the bookshelf, the sickening turn of your stomach when a doctor walks in your room and you know the news will be grim.

My motherly intuition is kicking into high gear today as my youngest son, "Christian", is having issues with his hemophilia. He is in pain when we infuse through his port and I just know something is wrong.

I am waiting for Christian to wake up from his nap so that we can (he's had a pretty bad shin bleed so we're infusing every three hours)see how he handles his infusion. If it doesn't go well, we're off to the emergency room for an x-ray. A great way to start the weekend.

I believe in intuition. Actually, I believe it's God speaking to you. That whisper, that nudge on your heart to call that long, lost friend. The desire to write a letter or send a special something to a relative who recently lost their spouse. That word of encouragement you are impressed to share with a dear friend. Those are the times God is speaking to us. To do His work. To show His love.

Has He nudged you lately? Did you dismiss that moment or act on it?

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. lunch with a friend
2. feathers
3. a freshly baked cake that popped out of the pan
4. our new Wii
5. birthday parties

A Legacy

I have found a great freedom in writing. To put down the thoughts and feelings you have in your heart on paper is a release.

My sweet friend, Barbara, taught a creative writing class at our church last year. I took it not knowing what to expect and the first thing I wrote about was my brother. I never knew him. He was born before me and died at only five days old.

He was always a mystery. My mother and father never talked about him and when we went to visit his grave (in my Dad's hometown), my Mom never got out of the car. It had to have been too painful. I wish she would have talked about him and how she felt.

Years later, when my oldest son was diagnosed with Severe Hemophilia A, she was totally shaken and did not want me to tell anyone about it. I never understood her words that day in the hospital and she died five weeks later.

When my surprise baby came along, TEN YEARS LATER, and he also had Severe Hemophilia A we knew I carried the gene.

We put the pieces of the puzzle together. My brother did not die of "jaundice" as I was told, but his jaundice was the result of a head bleed. He was very brusied when he was born, so he went through a great deal of trauma.

Some people would rather not know the details of a persons past if there was something not "perfect". But some of us need to know details. It's the details that shape a person's legacy.

My brother had a short time here in this world. He left a legacy to my sons. Some may think that remembering something as painful would not be worth dwelling on, but I am glad that my boys will know that they were not the only ones in our family with hemophilia.

My brother was a blessing in the lives of my parents, even if he lived only a few short days. The legacy he passs on to my sons has been a tremendous blessing in too many ways to count.

All these years later, my brother urged me to write. To remember him. To ignite a passion I have within me. His legacy continues.

"I always thank God for you because of his grace given you in Christ Jesus."
1 Corinthians 1:4

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. my first story being publishe(about my brother in a Bleeding Disorder Publication)
2. legal pads
3. a green thumb
4. my son's love of music
5. Play Dough

Passion

As I am trying to find my direction in life, I have been asking myself, "What is my passion?" When you are so busy with daily life, sometimes it is hard to remember what you are passionate about.

I am passionate about speaking and preaching. I recently shared a message with our congregation and I felt so empowered by the words that God gave me that day.

I am passionate about scrapbooking. I love to create books which share the stories of my family. That they will always have those memories after I am long gone is a joy I cannot begin to express. I want them to remember our lives together.

I am passionate about music. There is nothing like sitting in an orchestra/band and playing music. I have lost this quite a bit since I've moved to a small town, but am dedicating myself to preparing a piece on the oboe/English horn to play at church at least once a month.

I know I have more passion in me, but these are my top three. What are yours? What are you passionate about?

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. freshly, sharpened pencils
2. my old desklamp
3. friends who help out at the last minute
4. index cards
5. colored papers

Direction

Direction. Leading to a place or point.

Do you have direction in your life?

Right now I don't have a sense of direction. I think it's because I feel as if I don't have anything that is "my own" right now. When you have a spouse in seminary, it is pretty hard. (Especially if they travel out of town once a week to school.)

I just have to keep the prize in mind that this time next year he will be finished with school!

I am so busy keeping up with my job, the house and the kids that I am a little lost. Have you ever felt that way? What has helped you come out and find your direction? I would love to hear from you.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. Mickey Mouse
2. ice water
3. encouragement on a work project
4. performing arts camp
5. grapes

Creating

I have a passion for scrapbooking.


A friend invited me to a class in January of 2007 and I've been hooked ever since. I love creating pages. My mind gets to travel places where I never dreamed when I look at a picture of my family. I think the details and colors that are in a photograph become more obvious to the scrapbooker.

But the joy is creating a beautiful page out of a blank page. A blank page where there are no mistakes, just your creation.



I love that there are no rules in scrapbooking. There is not a right or wrong way to present the memories of your family. It's exciting to know that these scrapbooks will be around for years after we are gone. They are a legacy.

You know, I think it's what God may have been thinking when he created the world.

There were no mistakes.
Everything was made out of love.

Remember, Beloved, you are not a mistake! God created you for this time, right now, the way you are!

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. the new store I found
2. small backpacks
3. planning a birthday party
4. the opportunity to preach yesterday
5. tablecloths

Our Motto

On our refrigerator is our family motto:

"Live Simply, Love Generously, Speak Kindly, Leave the Rest to God."

I stopped and read it the other day and really started to think about each statement.

"Live Simply"
That's a hard one. We are always striving for more/better. More things, the newest model of game or iPod. Things do not make us who we are. I've been keeping the "Live Simply" idea at the front of my mind. Stuff is stuff. To live simply, we need less stuff, that's why I've been decluttering like a madwoman. My garage looks great!

"Love Generously"
When it comes to my children this is a no brainer. But what about a member at church who has been rude to your child? That's a hard one. But I have realized that to love doesn't mean hugging and showing affection, but it also means to earnestly pray for someone, while you are working on forgivenss. I pray daily for others and some people are on my list that are not necessarily my closest of friends.

"Speak Kindly"
I really do take Ephesians 4:29 to heart: "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." Words can hurt worse than any pain inflicted on a person. I've used words in the past that still haunt me.

"Leave the Rest to God"
This is not as easy as it sounds. We have to surrender our lives to God daily. There are only so many things that are truly in our control. Everything else, we must leave in the hands of the Almighty.


Do you have a family motto? I'd love to hear it!



Today I Am Thankful For:

1. the opportunity to preach this Sunday
2. "hearing" my son sleep
3. late night grocery shopping
4. old cards
5. planning a day off

The Gospel According to...

I've joined a new Sunday School class at church. Bible 101. It's great because we break everything down and our teacher (my hubby) gives us some great back ground information (seminary is paying off).

See, I don't have the Sunday School background that many people have. I never went to Sunday School classes. It all came to me late in life, so all of the basics I can put my hands around I truly soak up.

We were talking about why certain books of the Bible were included and others not (i.e. the Apocrypha). Why are Matthew, Mark, Luke and John the only Gospels included in the canon of the New Testament?

This is interesting stuff.

Why don't we write our own Gospel? Gospel means "Good News." Aren't we all living out our own Gospel story?

I found this to be an interesting thought that was brought up this morning. We all have a story. We all have a story of how Christ has changed our life. We all have incidents where the Holy Spirit has moved and directed us in ways we never dreamed. Why not write them down? Why not share our Gospel story with our future generations?

I challenge you to write your story. No one else can write it with the passion and truth that you can.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. Going to "lunch with the ladies"

2. phone appointments

3. eyeglass cases

4. angels

5. pinecones