Bullying

While I was out of town this week something happened at Lance's school.

He was assaulted by two boys. Lance was sitting on a railing in front of the band hall and these two boys, who had been verbally harrasing him the week before, shoved him off the rail and he fell about 6 feet.

Lance has hemophilia. It was not a good scene. He called my husband and told him to bring his factor to school immediately because he was hurt. My husband did not tell me about his injuries in detail.

I walked in the door from my trip last night and asked my son to show me his injuries. I just wanted to scream! He has bruises and scratches on his body.

Someone hurt my child! I am so glad I was not here, because I know I would have gone absolutely crazy at school!

The school did handle the situation and the boys are expelled. We have filed charges and it is at the District Attorney's office.

I can't believe this is happening to my son.

He had to infuse two extra infusions because of this incident...each infusion costs approximately $3,000.

As a pastor's wife, in a small town, am I supposed to just "forgive" and let these boys off the hook? I want to press charges and make sure they pay for what they did! I want to sue them for the costs of the extra infusions! This should not happen to our children in school!

Just because my son is not a sports fan and he enjoys music, he is labeled "gay". And even if he was gay, how does that give anyone the right to assault him? The names they called him I cannot even begin to share with you.

My heart hurts for all the children in our society that are suffering at the hands of bullies. It has to stop!

My Dad

Today is a special day, yes, it's my birthday, but it's also the anniversary of the day my Dad went home to the Lord. It's bittersweet. So many things happened to my Dad in his last years with his health. He wasn't the same person. And seeing him deteriorate was very hard.

Everything in me said it was a blessing when he passed. He was in a better place. He was with my Mom who he missed terribly. He was no longer in pain. But none of those words ever made it "okay" that he was gone.

I adored my Dad. I was his little girl.

I would go with him on Saturday's to the school where he was principal and keep him company while he worked. Then we would go out for a burger at the local hamburger stand. And it was really cool because they had poppyseeds on their buns. We would drive in his 67' Mustang and he would speed up as we raced over the train tracks on our way home! And we would buy bags of Fritos and he would have one between the seats of the car with a hole cut into the top of the bag so he could eat them while he was driving.

And on some Saturday's he would take me to the local stables to watch the girls ride their horses and race barrels! See I didn't play with dolls when I was a kid, I played with horses! He encouraged my love for horses by taking me to watch them on the weekends and see the races on television. It was our special thing.

No one could love me like my Dad. He never expressed his love by hugging and kissing, but he would reach out to me and pat me on the shoulders or on the back when I hugged him.

I'm not anyone's little girl anymore. No one could ever love me like my Dad ever did.

I miss him.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. horses
2. laughter
3. 67' Mustangs
4. Fritos
5. Saturday's

It's All About Passion

I am out of town in meetings for work in Dallas.

I work for a company that cares for people with bleeding disorders, like hemophilia. I never dreamed I would not teach band for a living, as that is what my Bachelor's degree is in, but the opportunity to work to educate people with bleeding disorders was just too wonderful to pass up, so almost 8 years ago, I took a risk to work in the healthcare field and it has been a great experience....so far.

Our team is undergoing many changes...and change is hard. It's not comfortable.

My passion on the team shines through when I speak about patient care. About what a person living with a bleeding disorder deals with on a daily basis. How we need to care for the entire family, etc.

I have felt so overwhelmed in this meeting. Almost like no one hears me because my language is so different. I don't speak the corporate lingo that is laced with numbers, I speak from my heart. I speak from the love I have for my children and what I have learned from them. It's where my heart is and I feel like it is breaking.

One of my colleagues pulled me aside tonight and told me she was in the business for the same reason I was...the patients and their care. I totally broke down. She saw my heart and heard what I was saying in my presentation that morning. It did me so good to hear that my message was clear. That my passion was shining through. God sent her to me tonight. I needed that little bit of encouragement to know that I am doing the right things for a community of people that I love.

God shows up in the most unexpected places and through unexpected people. I had felt so alone until my friend caught my eye across the room and invited me in the house for coffee. She listened to God's nudge on her heart to call out to me when I needed it the most.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. a cool, Texas evening
2. comfy beds
3. a cold Diet Coke
4. sneakers
5. phone calls from my boys

The Next Right Thing

I am in my second class of seminary and it's my first online class. (I was fortunate enough to be able to go to Denver this summer and take my first class "in person" and it was a fantastic experience).

But now I am entering the world of online education.

It's amazing how a class can be structured online. Forums, chats, email, postings....it's a new world! Quite different than my last class 20 years ago at Houston Baptist University :)

I will admit, I was beyond overwhelmed last night. I was to the point where I thought, "What was I thinking? I can't do this! Who was I kidding? I'm too old to go back to school!"

But, my wonderful husband said something to me...

"Do the next right thing."

He was right.

I did the next right thing. I took my assignment step by step, I didn't worry about the whole picture, and now I am where I need to be for the week!

It's so easy to get overwhelmed. Maybe it's school, a project at work, a house to clean before company arrives, a PTA meeting at the same time as soccer practice, and let's not forget the laundry!

Sometimes we get in such a hurry to get things done. I find that if I take a breath and think about the next right thing to do, my day is better and the end result is exactly what I was looking for.


Today I Am Thankful For:

1. wise words
2. an empty email inbox
3. boxes
4. my new laptop
5. my upcoming trip to Dallas

Transformed

Congratulations to Pam for winning my first giveaway ($25 iTunes card)! Pam, email me at cazandramacdonald@yahoo.com with your mailing information :)

I preached yesterday morning! I love when I have the opportunity to study and share God's word. It was the most comfortable I have ever been in the pulpit. The words just came to me and the message was truly on my heart. I preached on Matthew 5:13-16....being the salt of the earth and light of the world. I truly felt God's arms around me as I delivered the message. I just feel transformed when I preach.

This sermon helped me come to a realization. Something I hadn't been able to "admit" out loud. Now that I've started Seminary, I feel like I am being called to become a Deacon in the church. I want to serve a community and especially be involved in the ministry of women. There. I've said it.

I never dreamed my life would be what it is right now. Being the wife of a preacher in a small town, working for the healthcare industry, and being a seminary student. I was "supposed" to teach middle school band until I retired! So I thought!

When we make plans God just gets a great belly laugh, don't you think?

I'm so glad my "plans" have changed.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. Dinner in Santa Fe
2. Seeing old friends
3. a ripe peach
4. our congregation
5. salt and light

100 Days (and a giveaway)!

Do you realize that when midnight strikes, there will be 100 days until the New Year?

I'm not kidding....100 Days!

Why should we wait for January 1st to make those crazy resolutions that we make?

Why not make a sensible resolution right now and follow through for the next 100 days?

What can we do in 100 days?

Read 100 chapters in the Bible (or 50), lose 10 pounds, make amends to a friend, make a plan to sit with your family several times a week to dinner, watch less television, journal daily, have a devotional time with God......

What can you do with these 100 days?

I want to hear from you! In honor of the "Final 100 Days of 2010," I am going to have a giveaway! My first ever!

Post a comment by midnight, Saturday the 25th and let us know what you will be doing with your 100 Days.

I will randomly select a winner of a $25 iTunes gift card and announce the winner Monday the 27th.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. shampoo
2. Tuesday night pizza
3. preaching this coming Sunday
4. Mason jars
5. a good day at work

Dragging

I'm so tired! I flew up to Cedar Rapids on Friday and back Saturday night to speak at a local Hemophilia Chapter Event. It went great! The room was full and great discussion took place throughout the session.

I've been preparing a sermon for 9/26 and I have some great things to share with you.

I'll be back with more tomorrow. I just need more coffee right now :)

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. Coffee!
2. great travel
3. morning meetings
4. getting to know a colleague better this weekend
5. Coffee!

Opening Doors

When you live in a small town, there are not tons of opportunities in the performing arts. Band and choir programs are teeny tiny, drama is something that comes together, hopefully yearly to put on a musical.

And for a young man, gifted in music, it's hard to meet peers who "get him."

We found something….The Albuquerque Boys Choir! Lance auditioned, made the group and is fitting in with this group of boys as if he'd known them all their lives. It's where he needs to be.

My husband drives him to Albuquerque once a week (4 hr round trip) for a two hour rehearsal and they get home at 11 pm . But Lance comes home pumped up and wired! This is after singing classical music!

I am so incredibly grateful for the opportunity that we can give our Lance. We are in this as a family and it is going to take all of us committing to getting him there when he needs to be.

But when passion drives you to excel at something you are meant to do, finding a way is that much easier.

If an opportunity is not knocking at your door, sometimes you have to open the door and start looking for new ones.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. A fulfilling day of work
2. Pretty hand towels
3. Frozen grapes
4. An upcoming speaking engagement in Iowa
5. Chipped toenail polish

New Things

I tried something completely new and out of my box this weekend…I made fresh red, chile sauce. It is a very "New Mexican" thing to do! It's a long process, but if you have the right music playing, it goes by fast :)

I have struggled for many years because of what someone said to me…that the only reason I could cook was because "she" gave me the recipe. It was never because I actually did something on my own well.

I've been finding my stride over the past few years, not just in the kitchen, but in life in general and I've been trying to rid my thoughts of what others think.

When someone plants a seed of doubt, it is hard to shake it loose from your brain. You can easily get lost in what someone else thinks of you instead of what God thinks of you.

That you are indeed his Beloved.

That everything you do is a gift.

That you are precious in His sight.

That you are forgiven.

"Father, God, I pray that we all remember whose we really are. We don't belong to the world, but to You. In all that we do, we do it for your glory. Amen"

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. Fresh enchiladas
2. Stained hands from chile
3. Christian recovering from his ankle bleed
4. Our new computer
5. clumsy dogs

Speak to Me Sunday

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"You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men." Matthew 5:13 (NIV)

Twenty Two Years Ago

In high school I was not the girl with boyfriends. I longed to be her. I had the occasional crush and high school "love", but was never part of a couple. I desperately wanted to be part of a couple. I heard time and time again, "Just wait, the man you do fall in love with will be special. He may even be 'the one'."

Sure enough, I met him in college and twenty two years ago today we went on our first date.

We had a four year courtship before we married and broke up more times than I can remember, but we always came back together. I absolutely adore him. Here are a few reasons why I love him:

The Top 22 Reasons I Love Joe

1. The moccasins he wears until they have holes in the soles
2. His computer expertise
3. The crazy lyrics he makes up to a favorite song
4. The music he sings as he walks through the house (at any hour of the day)
5. Insisting we have "date night" at the hot springs every Sunday
6. The way he assembles things
7. His determination to make it through Seminary
8. The passion he has for preaching
9. Accepting hemophilia in our lives from the very beginning
10. His cold toes and fingers
11. His love for trivia (Jeopardy)
12. The way he puts our little one to bed with a "tickle fest"
13. He always wears a sweatshirt at the first hint of cool weather (even if it warms up to 90)!
14. For committing to driving 4 hours round trip, once a week to get our oldest to boys choir
15. never complaining when I need him to go get a gallon of milk late at night
16. For his "Wild at Heart" sense of adventure
17. His courage to change careers and follow his heart's desire
18. The way he plays the piano
19. The love he showed to my parents
20. Because he loves our sons more than life itself
21. His faith and belief in God
22. Because he loves me, just the way I am

Joe Keith MacDonald, I adore you, and thank God for you. You have changed my life into something so completely different and better than I ever dreamed it would be. Here's to another 22 years.

Fried Chicken and God

My morning started in the quiet of my house while everyone was still sleeping....making fried chicken! We planned a picnic in the mountains and the guys always expect my fried chicken so there I was at 6 am, frying chicken. But something very unexpected happened while I was frying up our "mess of chicken." I had a wonderful conversation with God. I didn't have a Bible in front of me or my prayer journal, but I just let loose and started talking.

It was great! It was the best "devotional" I've had in quite some time.

I have been so wrapped up in the how's of devotional time that my relationship with God has been suffering. I've let Satan take over my thoughts when those thoughts in my head should always be directed to God.

Instead of that negative self talk that permeates my thoughts, I need to turn those thoughts, not just into positive thoughts, but into a conversation with God.

"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. wildflowers
2. winding roads
3. river rocks
4. deer
5. fried chicken

Speak to Me Sunday

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34

Time With God - part 3

For the longest time I would get up around 5:30 am, get dressed and ready for the day and would spend time alone in the quiet of the house before everyone got up. I would write in my journal my prayers to God and read scripture.

Why did I stop? Did I really think I could "do life" on my own?

As it is I am struggling.

My eating habits are out of control right now, my overall focus is off kilter, and the self talk in my head is taking me places I should not even go. I am even on the cusp of trying to talk myself out of taking the class I am signed up for in Seminary.

I'm just scared.

Scared that I am off track....and it's proving harder to find my way back than I ever thought.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. being honest
2. the Food Network
3. a stack of clean t-shirts
4. half empty bottles of water
5. my 300th post!

Time With God - part 2

Growing up a good Catholic girl was filled with rules.

Clasp your hands a certain way to pray, sit down, kneel, stand, make the sign of the cross, light a candle, pray to the saints......it was all very confusing, especially since none of it was explained in my home.

I've always felt as if you have to do things a certain way.

I like lists and rules and knowing exactly what is expected of me, but the one area in my life that is still not settled is my daily time with God.

I tried reading the One Year Bible, but then I would miss a day here and there and, well, I never picked it back up. I was too far behind and hadn't "done it right."

I started writing my prayers to God in a journal on January 1st. Some days have gone by, and I failed, yet again.

I got up early everyday to spend quiet time with God, then I started staying up later and 5:30 am would come and go.

What works best for you?

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. old sitcoms
2. gift cards
3. piles of folded clothes
4. frayed blankets
5. my Crocs flip flops

Time With God - part 1

"When you forego your time with God each morning, you act on the belief that you can do life by yourself - self centeredness instead of God centeredness."

First Place for Health Daily Calendar


Today I Am Thankful For:
1. ground beef
2. hearing from old friends
3. occupational therapy
4. a good day of work
5. smell good candles

Being Stuck

I am stuck.

My job as a member of a national healthcare team (we care for folks with bleeding disorders) is great. Hours are flexible, I can work in my jammies if I want to (I never do), and the traveling is minimal. I work from my home office, but 90% of the time I work from my office at the church. It allows me to be around people and have a "place to go."

It can be a lonely place….working from home. You also have to be a self starter and a self motivator. Satan can sure play with me on this one.

My team has a daily, morning, conference call and we tell each other what our "top three" for the day will be. It keeps us accountable and we know where everyone is physically at, since most of the team travels quite a bit.

It's just hard to feel connected sometimes.

I am finding that I need to rely on God and the Word more, but Satan has other plans. He gets hold of me and keeps God at bay. I hear things such as, "You could be doing more, You are not performing to the best of your potential, etc."

I just need to be stronger.

When Satan gets in my head and starts speaking those untruths, I find myself saying out loud, "Get away, Satan! Stop it!"

It's amazing how that helps :)

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. The sounds of video games
2. Building bridges and forts out of blankets in the living room
3. Empty air fresheners
4. Apple juice
5. Crushed ice

The Luxury of Babysitting

When you live a life in ministry, far away from family, the luxury of calling for a babysitter is gone. That help with the kids that you always relied on is hard to come by, and I find it difficult to ask for help. Does that make sense?

My husband and I wanted to volunteer at the hemophilia golf tournament in Albuquerque (2 hrs away) last Friday, but I knew picking up my littlest one would be an issue. Never fear, my friends "B" and "T" agreed to help us out. They picked up Christian, made sure he ate, and let him play. They watched him for about three hours on Friday evening.

They don't realize how much of a gift they gave us by offering that act of kindness to us. Simply put, they were the "hands and feet of Christ" to us.

I find it very easy to offer help. To cook a meal, to watch someone's kids or pets, to put up the bulletin boards at church, etc. but when it comes to asking for help….it is so incredibly difficult for me. It's like buying presents at Christmas. I love giving, but receiving is almost embarrassing for me.

Perhaps the greatest gift we have received is God sending his only Son. Christ came for all of us. Not just a select few. I believe He came for every living, breathing person on the planet.

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him." John 3:16-17 (NIV)

Thank you, to all of you who help out your pastor's family. It's the little things that mean so much.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. Good friends
2. A sleeping puppy
3. A desk piled with papers
4. Maria…who cleans every other Monday :)
5. tape

Stepping Out in Faith

I had heard of people "stepping out in faith" or being encouraged to and never understood what it really meant until we packed up everything we owned and moved from Houston, Texas to Deming, New Mexico. We left Houston without even knowing where we were going to live, but God provided for us like I had never seen during that time four years ago.

We left Deming a year ago for my husband's first appointment as pastor at the Methodist church in Truth or Consequences, New Mexico. It's been a good year. A year of transition, a year of new things and new faces and friendships and a year of listening to God.

Sometimes I wonder if we made the right move. Did we move too early? Are we where we are supposed to be in the grand scheme of it all according to God?

We went to Deming Saturday and I attended a ladies event. It was so good to see my old friends! But I knew I was not "home" anymore. Not in a bad way, but I knew that I was there for a visit. That our time there had passed. It was a tug on my heart telling me that we indeed were where we needed to be.

Stepping out in faith is scary, but when you do it….when you truly do what God is leading you to do and go where He wants you to go, it's absolutely amazing.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. Iced tea
2. Sunday afternoons (no electronics!)
3. Hat boxes
4. nails
5. buzzers

The "Fish"

Lance started his freshman year of High School today! I can't believe I have a child in High School (am I really getting older?). He won't admit it, but he's pretty nervous. I am thankful that his first period class is band…so hopefully this will put him at ease by seeing some friends right at the beginning of the day.

Yesterday in church we celebrated the "Blessing of the Backpacks." It was a great liturgy that was put together to bless our children as they start a new school year.

My hope and prayer is that all of our children have a school year filled with blessings and not bullies. Filled with learning and no doubt. Filled with excitement and no despair.

It's rough being a kid. Let's remember the struggles we each had in school and be sensitive and open to our children. Let's remember to talk openly and not ignore their feelings. Their problems and concerns are equally as important in the realm of their lives as our problems are in ours.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. The first day of school
2. Fat, spiral notebooks
3. Tower fans
4. A barking puppy
5. Washing clothes

A Big Year

This is a big year for our family. One son starts High School and the other Pre-K! To say that the range of our parenting issues is vast is an understatement!



I am watching my oldest turn into a man. He is one of the best things I ever did in my life. I do worry about him and his fears of high school, but it takes me back to my first day of high school. I was scared to death! But after first period was over, all was well. I just pray that he has a great year. That he makes friends, enjoys his classes and finds his place.

Isn't that what it's all about? Finding your place.


Then there's my little one. He is so excited about school (especially about riding the bus)! I want him to have fun and fit in with his little friends. To play like he's never played before and hopefully learn a few things while he's at it. And I especially pray that his hemophilia does not keep him from too many things.

Sometimes I feel like I'm still trying to "find my place." To fit in as the wife of a pastor in a small town, to fit in at Iliff as a new student (whose husband was very well known), to fit into the corporate world in a position I was not "trained" in school to do. Am I really qualified to be where I am?

But the truth is that God has put us in many different places in our lives. To play different parts, even when we didn't feel qualified. And when we are in those uncomfortable places, is when we especially need to have the heart of an "oozer." To exude the light of Christ in every thing we do and every word we speak. That's not easy.

Are you in a comfortable place right now?

Remember, "God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called."

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. hangers
2. too many sandals
3. the smell of new school supplies
4. incense
5. power shopping

Presence

Today I've been at the bedside of my little one as he has undergone, yet, another surgery. All is well! He is doing great.

I've been present to him. Even when there was nothing I could do, but comfort him and pray for him and all else was out of my hands, I was present for him.

"Because of Christ and our faith in him, we can now come boldly and confidently into God's presence." Ephesians 3:12 (NLT)

God is always present in my life. Even when God is not making himself "known" to me in a huge way, I know He is always there. It's like holding the hand of my spouse on a quiet walk. Feeling the warmth of his hand in mine and knowing he is always there, someone I can always count on.

That's how it is with God. He is ever present. But when we are in times that are "crisis free"....we tend to forget and go along our merry way without thinking about His presence in our lives.

Are you present for someone in your life? Have you acknowledged God's presence in your life lately?

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. special blankets
2. text messages of praise
3. skillful doctors
4. plums
5. the sounds of hospital monitors whirring

I'm Going to Start Monday

Have you ever said that?

I'm going to start my diet on Monday!

I'm going to start exercising, on Monday!

I'm going to start my devotional time...on Monday!

I'm going to...........on Monday!

But what looks different in our week? What are we doing differently throughout our week compared to the previous weeks that will help us not say the old saying...I'm going to start on Monday?

I always have great plans. Plans to eat well, to cook meals every night of the week, to walk the track and so on. But those plans go awry pretty early in the week.

Why is it that once we "mess up" we figure the week is wasted and we'll just wait till Monday to start again?

I am battling this craziness. Yes, I have good excuses as my summer has been filled with hospitalizations with Christian and traveling to school, but enough is enough! This is going to be a great week....Christian's surgery and all!

Let's not get to the point where we await Monday with a bit of dread. Let's rejoice that we have yet another day and make it our best :)

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. beautiful notecards
2. little boys
3. boiling chicken for our puppy (Yes, I actually did this....)
4. short fingernails
5. getting caught up

I Can Hardly Wait for Tomorrow!

Tomorrow me and my men will be together again!

My oldest, Lance, went to Houston 2 weeks ago to go to hemophilia camp and my little one and husband went to Houston to visit and pick up Lance from the camp bus 8 days ago.

It's been too long.

Yes, I've enjoyed the retreat and being in school this week, but being away from the loves of my life is very difficult (thank goodness for Skype).

By the time my class ends at noon tomorrow, they will be here on campus to meet me for lunch!

I've learned so much this week. Not just from the books, but about myself. I'm looking forward to sharing with you soon.

Blessings to you all!

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. new spiral notebooks
2. colored pens
3. new friends
4. bookstores
5. poetry

Being Silent

I had the most amazing weekend.

I attended a retreat lead by Dr. Jane Vennard from Iliff Seminary at the Sacred Heart Retreat House in Sedalia, Colorado.

It was a contemplative retreat filled with tons of silence. It was so refreshing. To not "have" to talk. To be able to go deeper inside of yourself and actually listen to what your heart was trying to tell you. To just "be". And to be in community with others, in silence. One of my favorite times was lying on a hammock for about two hours (yes, a luxury indeed :)


Our sharing times were pretty powerful. One of the questions asked was "Have you experience silence as a gift?"

I thought of my Dad. He was always a quiet man, but when he got sick and suffered from dementia, towards the end of his life, he didn't speak anymore. One of the times that I will never forget is when we were sitting in silence, just being and he raised his arm up and patted me on the shoulder. That action was worth more than any words he could have spoken to me.

I am looking forward to this coming week (I write this as I sit in an apartment at Iliff) as our retreat moves to the classroom where we will work on developing retreats.

My first "academic" experience in twenty years! I'm so glad I didn't chicken out.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. grapes
2. air conditioning
3. comfortable pillows
4. things left behind
5. new friends

It's Soooo Quiet

You ever been in the kind of quiet that is deafening? You know, it's almost too..."loud"?

That is what I am experiencing right now and for this upcoming weekend. A retreat in "Being Still."

As a mom, it's so hard to be still. There's always something to do and I will admit that when I am still, I'm watching television most of the time, just vegging out.

Isn't that awful? All of the other things I could be doing other than watching television....see, there I go...not being still.

This weekend is all about me being a little selfish and taking time for myself and my relationship with God.

I can't figure out what is making me more nervous, not knowing people, or the quiet that surrounds me?

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. Skype
2. new headphones
3. parachutes
4. the camera on my phone
5. my iPod

The Journey Begins

I am really stepping out of the box this week.

I am going to a retreat in Sedalia, Colorado Friday afternoon through Sunday afternoon. It is part of the class I am taking in Seminary.

I don't know what I am getting into.

I am all alone right now. My oldest is at hemophilia camp in Texas, and my husband and little one are in Houston visiting family. It's just bizarre being alone.

No one tugging at my shirt, no meals to cook, no laundry to wash....sounds like heaven don't you think?

Not even close.

I miss my "men" terribly. But, I am going to take advantage of this time to rest, reflect and hopefully connect with God.

How many people have this opportunity? I am definitely going to take advantage of the time.

What would you do with a week alone?

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. reading glasses
2. salads
3. clean clothes
4. loose change
5. playlists

I Know the Problem

Since early June, my life has been pretty crazy with my four year old, Christian, beingin and out of the hospital.

I've just not "felt" right for several weeks.

My weight loss has been up and down, my sleep has been very deprived, our schedules at home have not been steady and I just don't feel good.

I figured it out. I've let my morning quiet time go.

Sleepless nights, getting up at all hours to infuse medication, I can come up with all the excuses in the world, but the bottom line is I let go of my lifeboat.

The one thing that keeps me going...my quiet time. The time I sit with Jesus in my living room to say hello and talk about what's on my heart...I've let it go.

Not intentionally, but it has slipped away.

But wouldn't you think I would be praying more than ever right now with my Christian's medical issues? That's what I don't understand. The time in my life that I need to be on my knees the most, and I have been absolutely complacent in my prayer life.

I opened my Bible yesterday to Psalm 42,

"As the deer pants for streams of water,
so my soul pants for you, O God.
My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
When can I go and meet with God? (NIV)"

I think God is telling me something.

Wednesday evening we went out on the lake with friends and what did I see? A deer drinking water.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. decent Mexican food
2. a new blouse
3. phone chargers
4. house slippers
5. puppy breath

Bux

Yesterday I posted about being a bit selfish. How I wish my "normal" was a bit like everyone else's.

Then came Bux.

As I was getting ready to leave yesterday morning, a little puppy wandered up. He would not leave me alone.

Now he has a bowl, a chew toy and has been given a name...Bux (short for Buxtehude...don't ask:)

At first I didn't want anything to do with him. We already have two Shelties, another dog would be just too much! More vet bills, more food, bathing, caring for...the list goes on. But I think the Lord had something else in mind. Not just for him, but for all of us.

You can't just shut out a life in need. We may only have Bux for a short time (if we find an owner) or he may be a permanent fixture in our already busy household.

It's funny how God works.

Sometimes it's in a huge way. A big answer to prayer, a check in the mail, a positive diagnosis....and sometimes the innocent eyes of a hungry puppy.

(Any ideas on what kind of dog he is?)

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. noodles
2. Jeopardy
3. puppies
4. dirty hands
5. coban

My Normal

Sometimes my "normal" just makes me a little angry.

Why does my normal have to ever look like this?



Why can't my normal be that I am living in the home I will retire in with weekends to the lake? Or that my boys wouldn't be covered in bruises.

What is "normal?"

I know the Lord has led me and my family on this path of Nomadic living, I know that the Lord blessed us with two wonderful children that just happen to have medical issues.

I guess I just get selfish sometimes.

Don't we often wish for what others have? Is their life and lifestyle really all that it seems to be? Is the grass really greener on the other side?

We all have problems and situations that test us. We just have to deal with what has been put on our plate to the best of our ability.

I think I am just tired and want my little one to heal.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. Sharpie's
2. stinky tennis shoes
3. the puppy that found his way to our home
4. the rain
5. our nurse, J that came out Saturday evening to help us

Ministry from the Young

Our church is pretty small. One adult Sunday school class on Sunday mornings, a few children in the congregation, and many snowbirds make up our congregants.

A fellow Methodist church in Las Cruces has come on a mission trip to lead Vacation Bible School in our little town.

About 15 youth and chaperones have decided to take a few days, come and sleep in our church, and lead Bible Study for our children.

What hearts they have!

I mean, how many kids choose to take time away from their comfortable beds to sleep on the floor of a church?

They have decorated our church like you could not even imagine! They have memorized their lines, prepared great music, and have wonderful hearts for our little ones.

It has truly touched me. That others, especially youth, have heard God's call on their hearts to be with others. To give of themselves selflessly.

I appreciate what they are doing. My Christian is having the time of his life tonight with his friends. The people working with him are so loving and gentle.

I love seeing God work.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. Stouffers lasagna
2. hearing rain!
3. lemonade
4. not being in Kansas City for a meeting
5. paperweights

I Posted Too Soon.....

I am more of a Facebook "lurker" and not one who posts often (my blog posts show up, but I don't go out of my way to post my status).

Tonight I posted that all was quiet in our hospital room (Christian had his surgery today) and that he was sleeping....that lasted about 20 minutes!

So two hours later, I sit here, as he does finally sleep, wide awake, contemplating the day.

Despite all of the medical issues both of my boys have endured, there is one thing that did overwhelm me today...Pain.

Christian has endured an enormous amount of pain today. The kind of pain that when your child is crying and you truly do not know what to do except hold them and wipe their tears.

I've said before that I would gladly endure the pain my children go through rather than they having to deal with it themselves, but I never meant it like I did today.

We all have pain. Physical pain like my sweet, brave boy has been dealing with, emotional pain that so many people go through at the hands of others....

As trite as it may sound, I truly believe the Lord never gives us more than we can handle, but there are sure times I wonder if I am truly the person meant to deal with children with medical issues.

I begin to doubt myself, the decisions I make on their behalf, even the signing of the consent forms for procedures to be done.

I know it all makes us stronger, but I feel strong enough! :)

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. a late night Diet Coke
2. my oldest son's love for his baby brother
3. dark rooms
4. the city lights in the wee hours
5. Christian's stars and moon nightlight

I Cried....

I took my Christian to see the surgeon this morning, and he said that the port needs to come out...Friday! The doctor will place a PICC line for temporary access until the site heals and in a few weeks we go back for a new port (and a lengthier hosital stay).

On our two hour drive home, I cried at least halfway.

I cried because my Christian has dealt with so much.

I cried while remembering life before Christian when only Lance was around and how much easier all of this hemophilia stuff was. I had no idea then.

I cried because I often feel like I've no one to talk to. That's when I called my good buddy "T" in Houston :)

Needless to say, I was just being a woman :)

I know that hemophilia has been placed in our lives for many reasons. And I think one of the greatest reasons is that the good Lord knew my hubby and I could handle raising two, very different, boys with this disorder. That we were equipped to teach them all they need to know without feeling sorry for themselves.

To ultimately teach us a thing or two.

But don't we all have our "hemophilia?"

I have a friend dealing with major issues with her step daughter, another with financial problems, a couple with issues dealing with a loved one and their absence...everyone has something.

I don't think anyone can say their problem is worse than the other...it's their problem that needs to be prayed upon. It's their problem that God is in the middle of, maybe they just don't know it yet.

Whatever your "hemophilia" is, I pray that the Lord blesses you, strenghens you and shows up in amazing ways through your situation.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. an old "mixed" CD
2. animal crackers
3. text messages
4. a boss who cares
5. two more nights at home

More Waiting.....

My Christian has been through the ringer over the last few weeks. His port has still not healed and we have another appointment on Wednesday to determine whether or not the port will need to be replaced. He's had an IV in his arm since leaving the hospital a week ago. He' a tough little kid.

The unknowns make me crazy! Will they tell us he has to be admitted to the hospital immediately? Can we schedule the surgery to adapt to our lives, etc.

Only the Lord knows what will happen. We just have to take it one step at a time.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. coffee
2. my new glasses
3. lukewarm water
4. ConKerr Cancer (provides pillowcases in the hospital)
5. daily tear off calendars

The Day My Life Began

Fourteen years ago, my life began. I always go back to that moment, when my oldest son was born.

I base everything off of when my life changed and I became a mom for the first time.

I remember seeing him for the first time, the doctor laying him on my chest and almost suffocating from the extreme love that came out of me. It was overwhelming. Something I will never forget.

When I was pregnant with Lance I always wondered, "Will he be musical like me and his Dad?"

Is he ever! He can sing like an angel and plays the oboe (like his mama).

He is so much like his father....funny, offbeat, singing all of the time. He is his own person and doesn't care what anyone else thinks about his personality.

I pray that high school brings him more opportunities and places to fit in comfortably.

I wish I could be with him all of the time to ward off those who don't understand him, but that will never happen again.

It has been my privledge to be his mom. I can't wait to see what the next year brings.

I love you, Lance.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. your video games

2. always ordering the same drink at SONIC

3. your favorite foods are easiest to prepare :)

4. you actually can clean your room

5. your love of music

I Prayed

I'm ashamed to admit it, but since I've been in the hospital with Christian I've not been spending time with God.



Yes, I cried out to him when Christian was being poked while trying to place an IV, but I've not spent time with the Lord on a regular basis.



We get into our routines at home (which I can't wait to do again) and the minute we go out of town, or an emergency arises, everything changes.



The time I spend with God daily is important to me. Why don't I continue that regardless of where I am at?



I think a lot of it is that we are truly creatures of habit.



Personally, I thrive on schedules and expectations, but when that world is pulled out from under me, things get difficult.



I prayed this morning and felt peace. I know God is always there, but I want to keep that relationship strong.



Prayer is not simply requests, it's about relationship.



What's your relationship like right now?



Today I Am Thankful For:



1. cotton balls

2. conference calls

3. white boards

4. 4 glasses for a dollar

5. hospital blankets

Waiting and Healing

When things are out of your hands, what do you do?

Wait.

We are having to wait for Christian's port to heal so that we can use it when we leave the hospital. Otherwise, we would not be able to infuse him when needed.

Patience.

Something my Dad had quite a bit of and something I've developed over the years.

Certain things we cannot rush and when we try we usually get into trouble.

Healing.

Not just the physical, but the emotional.

Sometimes you have to just give everything up to God and say "Thy will be done."

Healing.

I've been dealing with healing on the physical level lately, but I have a lot of healing to do inside as well.

Healing from a relationship that will never be the same.

Healing from the loss of both parents.

Healing from loneliness.

I am so thankful that I have God on my side to help me heal...one day at a time.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. hydrogen peroxide
2. Subway cups
3. crushed ice
4. dinner with a friend
5. my family being together

After Camp...

After camp my life went in a different direction.



I'm still not home.



Last Friday the guys met me for lunch after camp in Albuquerque before I had to fly out to Wisconsin to speak at a bleeding disorders event. Christian started having a bleed and some problems with his port, so off to the hospital we went. We were admitted and are still here.



Things are looking better, it just takes time for healing (I never did get on that plane).



I sent my husband and Lance home Saturday evening so they could take care of church Sunday and continue with their plans of going on to music camp in Sacramento. No need to put everything on hold.



So, Christian and I sit and wait for healing. We are hoping to go home by Wednesday.



When you are in the hospital with a sick child, the loneliness sets in pretty quick. Especially when you are not close to family and friends. But today a ray of light came into my life.



A new friend, who I spent last week at camp with as a counselor, came to visit us today! And she brought treats!



A new friend is always exciting but when someone goes out of their way to visit you, and takes the time to bring you a few things...it's just an overwhelming feeling.



The three of us spent our time in the playroom this afternoon. Christian held her captive...she was new and a willing participant to play :)



God shows up...all the time.



Today I Am Thankful For:



1. My new friend "D"

2. peanuts

3. fruit

4. $3 fire engines

5. duct tape

Hit Over the Head

I feel like I've been hit over the head with a 2 x 4.



I am at Camp Sangre Valiente ( a camp for children with bleeding disorders and their siblings). I am so out of my element that it is almost too much to bear.



The first day I wanted to run away! I am not kidding!



I am a counselor for the younger girls. I have boys, so being around drama and giggling, etc. is very foreign to me, eventhough I taught this age for years.



But I know the Lord led me here for a reason.



To let go.



To experience something new.



To get out of my comfort zone.



To see how passionate members of the industry are in loving these kids and giving of themselves competely.



Isn't that what Christ calls us to do?



To love unconditionally?



Today I Am Thankful For:



1. Skype

2. strong coffee

3. sunscreen

4. bug spray

5. homemade desserts

The Wee Hours

I'm sitting here in Glorieta, NM anticipating the big day for my husband.

I can't sleep!

All of his years of hard work have come to this moment.

He has answered his call.

He stepped out in faith in a huge way to do the Lord's work.

It is the right time.

I am so proud of him. I only pray that I listen and am tuned in to what the Lord wants me do and can answer in the same way.

Yes, it will be a different course, but I want to open my heart to hear and feel what the Lord wants me to do.

I will be sharing more about the ceremony this evening. Prayers appreciated!

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. stars
2. open windows
3. being spontaneous
4. no television
5. old friends

Presents

My mother-in-law, Ruby, is a gem.

We haven't seen her in several months due to the fact that she had knee surgery. She comes at least every six weeks for a visit. She can't stand to not see her grandsons :)

We saw her this weekend as she was coming through on her way to Colorado and she had a big bag for each of us. Bags filled with surprises! The only thing important to me is that she loves, adores and spoils my sons, but she goes the extra mile and spoils me and my husband too!

I had a big bag with a new leopard purse (you can never have too many leopard purses) some new sandals and a Longhorns t-shirt.

It made me feel so special.

When you do the giving for your family, because it's what a mom does, and someone surprises you and thinks enough about you to surprise you, it means the world. Especially when your parents are no longer here.

At one point in our lives Ruby and I could not be in the same room together. It was the stereotypical mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationship.

My mother would get so angry with me and would tell me, "She is going to be around longer than me! You need to be nice!"

I know my mother is thrilled that Ruby and I have mended our ways and have such a good relationship. I am too.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. spontaneous trips to the lake
2. suitcase surprises
3. fresh broccoli
4. jugs of water
5. sunburns

He's Finished!

Three years ago, our family began a journey...seminary. But the kicker was that my husband had to travel to Denver once a week to get his degree. We live two hours from the airport, so traveling takes a big commitment. Especially once a week.

My husband has been called to ministry for as long as I've known him, it was just finally the right "time" for him to answer the Lord's call on his heart.

Tonight is the first night in three years that my dining room table is clear of books and a laptop.

No clicking of keys on the keyboard, except for my writing.

No airline to ticket to Denver, waiting.

And my husband has his graduation ring on :)

I adore him and admire him for the work he has done.



I've never seen someone commit so completely to what the Lord has asked of anyone.

Next Friday he will officially become a commissioned elder in the Methodist Church.

I just am blown away at how good God is.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. safe journies
2. rings
3. Burt's Bees Lotion
4. ironed clothes
5. Wii Fit

Contentment

A full pantry and freezer.

Gas in the car.

Money in savings.

Children laughing.

A full belly after a homecooked meal.

A comfortable bed.

Watching birds at the birdfeeder.

A happy spouse.

Reading a good book.

11 I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do everything through him who gives me strength."
Philippians 4:11-13 (NIV)


What gives you a sense of contentment? Leave a comment!

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. My husband's last day of seminary
2. Christian starting Pre-K in August
3. lunch dates
4. long distance girlfriends
5. new glasses

Timing

In less than a week I will have a high school freshman!



It absolutely blows my mind. I have friends my age that are already grandparents and my Christian is four!



Isn't it funny how God works in our lives?

I couldn't have imagined having Lance when I was right out of high school. I also couldn't have imagined having my Christian any earlier than I did. They were both at the right time.

It's all God's timing. He knows what is best for us.

Looking back on I can see God's hand in my life. Even in the sad times. If things would not have unfolded the way they have, I may not be in the place that I am in right now.

Losing my mother when I was a new mom, hemophilia both times, chemo, losing a close family relationship...all of these things have made me stronger and have strengthened my faith. I wouldn't change a thing about how things have happened.

When Lance was about four, I so badly wanted another child. We tried and tried and even had medical intervention. Nothing worked. But God was wanting us to wait. To wait for the time He ordained for Christian to be in our lives. I don't know what is in store for my boys, but I know it is going to be big:)

Have you wanted something so badly that you questioned God....you asked Him "Why not now?" And then later, seen why it wasn't the right time?


Today I Am Thankful For:

1. wind
2. water hoses
3. a clean car
4. bringing surprises to friends
5. dog breath

Out of the Box...the finale

If you get out of the box long enough....the box disappears!

When are you going to step out of the box? What are you going to do?


Today I Am Thankful For:

1. safe trip home from Albuquerque
2. speaking up for my son to our hematologist
3. frozen strawberries
4. Night Knockers....friends that kept ringing the doorbell till we caught them :)
5. Christian doing at great job at chemo today.

Out of the Box...continued

It's not just camp that is making me step "out of the box", but grad school is doing the same. I will be taking a class this summer that requires me to be in residence at Iliff in Denver for about a week.

A week on my own at school.

Another week away from my family.

A week of studying and continuing to work.

Can I do it? I've put it out there so there's no going back.

Someone said that if you don't put things "out there" and force yourself to stretch, you will never experience all that life has to offer you. Makes sense I think. I mean, let's face it, we're not getting younger. And I often think about my mom, who started getting sick at my age.

We only have one life to live and I think God wants us to cherish our time in this world and do all we are meant to do...not to be scared of trying something new.

I don't want another season to go by knowing that I could have done something differently and having let my fears get in my way.

What are you being called to do? What is holding you back?

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. swamp coolers
2. puzzles
3. nail clippers
4. Kool Aid singles
5. roses

Out of the Box

"If you want to grow, you must be willing to change." Gail Sheehy

Change.

Stepping "out of the box."

It's scary.

In a few weeks I'll be stepping "out of the box" in a huge way. I am going to be a camp counselor at hemophilia camp in New Mexico. Something I have never done before. I heard the local chapter was needing another female counselor and God kept bringing it to my heart (you know how He does).

The camp experience has been amazing for my Lance. He has been attending the hemophilia camp (Camp Ailihpomeh) in Texas for the past several years and it has changed him. He learned how to self infuse and take control of his bleeding disorder and he also has stepped "out of the box" and done things he never did before...archery, horseback riding, socializing with other kids with the same health issues he has... It's been a fantastic experience for him.

I just hope I can be an asset to the kids I work with. I pray that God uses me to touch these kids lives in a positive way.

Are you doing anything that is making you move "outside of the box" this summer?

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. ACE wraps
2. dinosaurs
3. hot dogs on the grill
4. plant food
5. my walking buddies "T" and "C"

Rough Week

It's been a rough week. Work is crazy (a good kind of crazy), my depression has been hitting me and I've been fighting it, and we are anxiously awaiting the end of my hubby's travels to Denver (Masters Degree) with 2 weeks left!

A lot of things going on but not much to say this week.

I'm taking the day off tomorrow to get some things done and breathe a little.

I'll be back next week.

Blessings to you all!


Today I Am Thankful For:

1. cosmetic samples
2. UPS deliveries
3. little, white t-shirts
4. green beans
5. painted toenails

My Mama

Mama always had a bank envelope in her purse...always with a $20 bill for whoever needed it.

If she didn't have a bit of makeup on, she grabbed the lipstick and took off!

When you were hungry you could always count on a great pork chop and tortilla.

You could always hear her slippers when she walked through the house.

We could laugh at absolutely nothing...and she wouldn't make a sound!

My nephews would always find a surprise in her purse.

You could always count on her a Daddy having breakfast on Sunday's at Champs', with a couple of empty chairs waiting to be filled.

Every night you could bet she would be on the phone with her best friend, just to check in, even though they worked together all day.

When I was getting big and pregnant, and running out of things to wear, she would magically show up with a new outfit for me...and the baby.

She loved my husband like her own son, adored my son for his first five weeks of life, and I miss holding her hand.

I can still feel her touch.

I love you, Mama, and I miss you.

Happy Mother's Day.

The Simple Things

I am working from my home office today, all the doors are open, I hear the birds singing and eating from the birdfeeder, there is not a cloud in the sky, the breeze is making its way through the house, I have my computer on Pandora.com on the Baroque station, glass of iced tea and working on my email.

What freedom!

It's the little things in life that make such a difference. Finding a sippy cup under the table tells me a little boy filled his tummy with milk, a spiral notebook with a pencil tells me my other son was drawing and expressing his creativity. The pile of books on my dining room table reminds me that in three weeks my husband will graduate with his Master of Divinity degree!

I love the things that surround me.

What surrounds you that brings you joy?

The LORD has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy. Psalm 126:3

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. rose buds
2. birdfeeders
3. a light breeze
4. band concerts
5. shadows

Accomplishment

I love the feeling you have after an afternoon of work in the yard. Since we've lived in New Mexico, we've not really had the opportunity to really "work" a yard (and it's very different compared to the climate in Houston). Our plan is to transform and pour some love into our yard at our parsonage. It has been neglected for several years....overgrown trees , plenty of dirt instead of grass...etc. We mowed and did a little planting Saturday...just some marigolds and rose bushes. It's amazing how a couple of small changes make such a big difference!

It's been hard in our first year of living in a parsonage. You feel like a "renter." What does it take to make it feel like your home? I think it's just investing yourself into where you are living and actually "living" in the present...not "worrying" about next years appointment and cherishing the time where you are at.

You know moving will happen but you can't let it consume you. Being in the itinerant system makes you feel like a gypsy sometimes (and we've only begun)! I am finding it to be a new challenge...to put down roots where we are called. As long as we are together as a family, where we are physically is a non-issue. It's just geography!

It's love that grounds us.

Love that fuels us.

Love that keeps us together (wasn't that a song....).

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. dirt
2. weeds
3. the smell of fresh cut grass
4. parades
5. little boy hugs

Making Himself Known

Last night, the Bible study group I've been leading ended for the semester. We studied "Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World." It is a wonderful study. I highly recommend it.

But last night, we never left question #1! It was a powerful evening.

We talked about testimonies and my friend "J" shared a story involving the death of a family member. You see, God spoke to her through that difficult time and made Himself known in amazing ways. From carrying a card with Proverbs 3:5-6 in her wallet, to seeing it published the day her family member died, to a purse, and a bracelet with that same verse.....it was a crazy story of how God was telling her that He was with her.

Here's the kicker...another member of our class, "B", brought a little gift for everyone last night. You know, those cards you carry in your wallet with your name and a verse? Yep, you guessed it, "J's" card had Proverbs 3:5-6 on it!

Everyone was either crying or had the hair on their arms standing on end last night!

Isn't it cool when God shows up in amazing ways?

"J", this is for you!

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6


Today I Am Thankful For:

1. testimonies
2. homemade cookies
3. thoughtfulness
4. 4 weeks left till my husband receives his MDiv!
5. moments

Perspective

Today is chemo day. Me and my Christian are in the infusion suite getting his treatment. I'll be honest...I'm getting so tired.

I was complaining to my husband about the chemo...."Why isn't it working faster? When are we going to be done? I really don't want to make the drive to Albuquerque."

When we come to the infusion suite, we have to wait in the playroom until we are ready to go back. In walks a little boy about 5 years old with a mask on, his jacket and hood covering his head. "Mom, can I take my mask off? he asks, "No, says Mom. He sits down to play, takes off his jacket and exposes his hairless head. A victim of cancer.

There is an attractive, young teenager who is here every time we are. He is on dialysis. He should be out chasing girls and playing ball (hopefully he is) but he has something pretty major to endure.

I know that the end of chemo is coming. My Christian has not lost his hair, rarely gets sick from the treatment and is always full of energy. We have nothing to complain about.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. Janie - who plays the guitar and instruments for the children in the hospital
2. rice cakes
3. Fruit by the Foot
4. chocolate milk
5. maracas

The Only Person on Earth

I am preparing a sermon for next Sunday. My text is from the book of Ruth. It's a wonderful story and the love Ruth shows for Naomi is amazing. Ruth goes to a foreign land with Naomi, accepts her people, her homeland and her God as her own.

She gave everything up with no clue of what to expect in the future due to the love she had for her mother in law, Naomi.

Love.

The more I read and study, the more I see love shown in the Bible. I start to think about the love I have in my life...my husband, my sons...my family...it's overwhelming.

What is more overwhelming is that Jesus would have been willing to die on the cross if you or I were the only person on earth.

That's intense.

God sent his only son to die just for me and you to wipe the slate clean and forgive us of our sins. And it wasn't an "easy" death. It was horrific. When you think about what Jesus went through for us that, too, is overwhelming.

Do you realize how much the God of the universe loves you?

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. granola bars
2. webcams
3. speaker phones
4. paper clips
5. sugar free gum

Oozing a Day at a Time

I picked up the phone and had a really good conversation with a family member yesterday. We don't talk very often...no reason...but she adores my children and our entire family.

It was an "oozing" moment. I took the time, let my guard down and simply loved someone through a conversation. It felt really good and it changed the whole tone of my evening.

Something so simple as a phone call. What are others ways we can "ooze" everday?

Saying hello, opening a door, laughing with someone, looking at them in the eye at the checkout stand, being available.

There are so many ways we can ooze the light of Christ in our daily lives. It's not just about being in church on Sunday and doing all the "church" stuff. It's about taking all of that and making it appear through you in your everday activities in the real world.

I'm not talking about taking a Bible and shoving it at someone and telling them they are going to hell if they don't believe...it's the little things that really make a difference.

What are you going to do today to be more of an "oozer?"

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. a fresh maicure/pedicure
2. my son's music
3. quick trips to Las Cruces
4. new sandals
5. possibilities

Happy Easter!

What a wonderful Easter Sunday! The church service was beautiful, the weather perfect, lunch with friends, lots of choclate bunnies and eggs to hunt, a delicious Sunday dinner and a soak to end the night. We couldn't have had a more perfect day.






"Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me." Psalm 51:10

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. sugar free jello
2. lillies
3. Sam's Club
4. sandals
5. capri pants

Dreams

Do you ever have those dreams that when you wake up felt so incredibly real?

I've had a couple of those recently...about my mom.

My mom passed away when my Lance, who is 13, was five weeks old. It was a terrible time. I had a newborn, diagnosed with a bleeding disorder and my mother died. What was supposed to have been a joyful time in my life, was filled with pain and confusion.

The Lord led us through it. Even though I was angry with Him, He never left my side.

In this dream my mom came to visit me with my sister. Nothing particularly special happened in the dream, she was just with me. I felt her hug me.

I think God gives us these moments...to encourage us. Is that a crazy thought?

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. lotion
2. invoices
3. possibilities
4. 8 trips left to Denver (before my hubby gets his MDiv!)
5. dreams

Doing Enough

I've always said that when I did become a pastor's wife I would never "put on" appearances. If I was hurting, I wouldn't hide it, if I was upset or sad, I would let it out, and so on. I never want to be a hindrance to my husband's ministry like I know a pastor's wife can be. But I find myself in an odd place.

I teach a Women's Bible study and produce the monthly church newsletter...that's it. As I sit and listen to the choir preparing for the Palm Sunday service, I feel pangs of guilt about not participating in the music groups (chasing after my four year old keeps me pretty busy).

I am looking forward to playing my English Horn on Good Friday and my oboe on Easter Sunday, but I want to do more. I've been searching to know what that "more" is.

I am in the process of applying to another seminary...Asbury was not the place for me. If all works out and I am accepted, I will be really busy :) Maybe it's the "more" that I have been searching for. I want to study and strengthen my knowledge of the Bible so that I can share His word.

Time will tell. I just need to be "still" and listen.

Have you been "still" lately?

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. palms
2. a messy house
3. Hershey Kisses
4. eating "right"
5. old coloring books

Praise!

We just received wonderful news...Christian's blood work has come back and his inhibitor is 97.5! It has never been that low! We are waiting for it to get below 10 so we can start immune tolerance therapy so that he can use Factor 8, which is the clotting factor he is missing.

It's been a long road, but we are starting to see results. The chemo is working! It's actually working!

This makes those trips to the hospital so worth it. The packing, the overnight stays, the diet of hospital food....

All I can say is "Praise God!"

"Come, let us sing for joy to the LORD; let us shout aloud to the Rock of our salvation." Psalm 95:1

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. wonderful test results
2. new drinking glasses
3. ribbon
4. seeing old friends
5. reorganizing

God's Pleasure

I attended (and led music) at a women's retreat this past weekend. "Faith at the Crossroads" by Janet Drez. It was very good. I always go to these kind of events and hope to take away a nugget. Something that will stick with me...and I did.

Janet talked about the movie Chariots of Fire and how the man, who was the runner, talked to his sister about how when he ran he "felt God's pleasure."

That's what I've been searching for...what is it that I do that I "feel God's pleasure?"

What about you? I would love to hear from you! When do you feel God's pleasure?"

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. the driving range
2. external hard drives
3. a clean camper
4. a few days off
5. sleeping in

Nice trip!

I still am stunned by what happened today.

As Christian and I were leaving daycare, I was holding him, and before I knew what happened, I tripped and we both went down...him head first, to the concrete!

He has a golf ball sized lump on the back of his head and it cut open. I was so scared. My husband met us at the hospital with factor, we got a CT scan and all is well. It could have been really bad.

Chronic medical condition or not, we all get complacent. Things move along without any fuss, our life becomes a bit "hum drum" even. Then it takes something to wake us up...something to snap us out of complacency.

That's what happened today.

What has snapped you out of your complacency?

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. God being with my son
2. pink nail polish
3. leading worship
4. no broken bones
5. alarms

What is "Normal?"

Things are thumpin' along...Lance is doing homework, his Dad helping him out. Christian is building his train tracks in his room, the house is clean, everyone is fed...what more could a woman want?

Just when all seems calm, my Christian starts to limp...an ankle bleed. Well, I guess that's what our "normal" is.

Normal is a blood draw for Christian on Tuesday morning and chemo on Friday.

Normal is my Lance's iPod playing the latest on Broadway.

Normal is preparing to teach Bible Study on Tuesday evening.

Normal is my husband writing a paper for Seminary.

I love "normal" because our "normal" gives us unending laughter and joy. Despite the rough times, that is what is overwhelming...the love in our lives.

What does your "normal" look like?

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. my Pampered Chef pan
2. Maria, who comes to clean every other week:)
3. BBQ sauce
4. essay contests
5. peace lillies

A Privledge

What a privledge I had this weekend to speak to a group of parents in Montana about parenting and bleeding disorders. It was great! The audience participated and had great comments that were encouraging for each other (I was worried they wouldn't talk...they were spunky)!

Something happened in the middle of the presentation...I was standing there, going through my power point when all of a sudden I realized I wasn't that scared, freaked out new mom of a child with hemophilia anymore. Not anymore!

Boy have things happened in the past thirteen years.

It's amazing how God prepares us.

I believe those years ago as I was learning all the ins and outs of being a new mom to a child with hemophilia, He was preparing me for the day I would share my experiences with others.

It's an amazing feeling to know that God is using you.

I also believe you don't have to be doing something "huge" like presenting to a room of people or heading up a major corporation. He uses us everyday. In our roles of being parents and spouses...teachers and cheerleaders...equippers and encouragers.

How is God using you?

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. kind people
2. a cherished opportunity to speak
3. hotel coffee
4. fun purses
5. leggings

Gray

We had the shortest hospital stay ever! Less than 24 hours! Yes, it was an exhausting day, but we are home. My Christian has an infection in his port, but we are on the road to treating it and we are home!

There is something I noticed at the hospital. The parents of children who are admitted look "gray." They have a haze of grayness around them.

I ran into the dad of a child, in his sweats, with his Wendy's Biggie drink, walking to the nourishment room for ice. He just had a cloud around him.

I guess because I've been one of those parents more times than I care to remember that I've never noticed.

When you live at the hospital you live from the few changes of clothes you have (and wash regularly at the Ronald McDonald room), you sneak away when your child is asleep for food and drink, television becomes your friend (when the cartoons are not on), and you learn to wait.

My heart goes out to these parents. My prayers to each and every one of them.

It is hard to have a sick child.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. my own bed
2. dollar store surprises
3. my bluetooth
4. lollipops
5. being home