Happy New Year!

Blessings to you for a wonderful 2009! I'll be on vacation this week and will see you next week.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. Vacation
2. a roaring fire
3. phone calls from old friends
4. my husband preaching
5. cold toes

Be Still Sunday

Joy

Christmas Eve. I think I enjoy Christmas Eve even more than Christmas Day. Going to church together, singing carols, celebrating the birth of Christ.

Putting the kids to bed and staying up to the wee hours with my husband wrapping presents in front of the fire discussing "life's issues", with a good cup of hot chocolate. I love these moments.

I am filled with an enormous amount of joy this season. My family is happy and healthy, we have our basic needs met and have love. I don't know what could be any better.

God gives us joy because that gives Him joy.

"The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." Zephaniah 3:17

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. God's voice
2. wind
3. time off
4. warm boots
5. road trips

Hope

This time of year is about the holiday season. Presents, traditions, family, and most importantly, the birth of Christ. We get so wrapped up in the holiday happenings around us that we may forget that others may not be in the "holiday spirit."

I know a person at our church whose mother passed away Saturday. Another lady just received a devastating diagnosis of cancer with "three months" to live. How do you embrace the holiday's when these situations are around?

I believe it's about hope. Not the kind of hope that a child has when thinking about presents, but the hope we have in Christmas. It is something that we know with certainty will happen. The birth of Christ. God promised the Jewish people that the Messiah was coming. They relied on this when they became slaves to Pharoah. The birth of Christ is the fulfillment of God's promise to send the Messiah.

Even now, when we are in times of despair, financial ruin, dissolution of family, God is there. We have hope in Him and he never fails us.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. crunchy granola
2. wrapping presents
3. Christmas caroling
4. my boys being home for the holiday's
5. hope

Be Still Sunday

Sixteen Years Ago...

Sixteen years ago, my husband and I were married. It's been an amazing blessing. I love him more now than I ever dreamed I would be capable of loving someone. There is a verse that is so appropriate for us today:

"The LORD has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy." Psalm 126:3

Did we go out for a fancy evening tonight? We all watched Polar Express, ate leftovers, and the highlight of the evening was that our two year old "pee peed in the potty!" I never dreamed that on our sixteenth year of marriage I would be blessed with a two year old and a twelve year old!

God is good, all the time.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. the potty!
2. choclate chip cookies
3. leftovers
4. chapped lips
5. the love of my "men"

Attitude

I help lead a weekly depression support group at my church. Today we were so blessed that God has touched one of our members. She finally spoke!!!! Bless her heart, she is seeing the light at the end of the tunnel with her depression and is feeling alot better. She shared a great piece by Charles Swindoll and I wanted to pass it along. Enjoy!

Attitude
"The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company...a church...a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past...we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10%what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you...we are in charge of our attitudes."
Charles Swindoll

Today I Am Thanful For:

1. my depression support group
2. homemade pizza
3. vacation time
4. wonderful co-workers
5. the love of my husband

Simplicity

I needed a change of scenery, so I am working from Barnes and Noble for a few hours. It’s interesting. Watching people come and go. Hearing bits and pieces of conversations as you sit and work. I was struck by one conversation in particular.
A young woman in her early twenties came in with her friend. They were chatting about this and that and then they started talking about Christmas shopping. “…he bought her a Coach purse…we got him a Touch iPod….” The conversation continued on and many name brands and expensive items were brought up.

I, too, have been in the midst of my shopping, mainly online, and have gotten caught up in, “is it enough?”

The best present we can give others, and most especially give Christ, is our “presence” this holiday season. It’s all about relationships and love. Spending time with the ones we love. Simplicity. Preparing a wonderful meal, baking those special cookies and pies you never have time to make, being with each other.

What about playing games? My oldest son loves board games, but we never seem to take the time to play. I bought a great puzzle for our family. In the early days of my marriage, we would always have a puzzle out on the table and would work on it whenever we had a few minutes. I want to get back to those simple things.

Have you kept the “Reason for the Season” alive in your preparations for the holiday?

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. A change of scenery
2. Ornaments
3. Poinsettias
4. the smell of fresh, brewed coffee
5. old, warm, worn shirts

Be Still Sunday

Room

It's already happening. I am getting so busy with the season that I am not leaving room for the important things. Room for my quiet time with Jesus, room for hearing my own thoughts, room for remembering what Christmas is all about.

There wasn't room for Mary and Joseph that night in Bethlehem. And here I am again, getting wrapped up in the season with no room for what is important, Jesus.

What do you do to keep the importance of Christ alive at Christmas? It is such a struggle when you have young children, because of the commercialism of it all. Santa, Rudolf, presents...(my oldest used to think Rudolf brought the presents).

During this time of Advent, I want to make it a priority to sit and talk with my children every night about Christ. A devotional, a story, what is important in their day and how Christ reflected through them (at least my oldest).

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. Lavendar
2. conference calls
3. lighted snowmen
4. working an upcoming Walk to Emmaus
5. Mary

The Small Stuff

I recently hurt my shoulder during my workouts at the gym. I am going to physical therapy for a few weeks to see if I can get my shoulder to heal without needing any kind of cortisone shots.

On my first visit, I was apprehensive. Working with big rubber bands, doing easy exercises for my shoulder. I mean, was it going to work? The last thing they did was an ultrasound of heat on my shoulder. I couldn't feel the heat, so I figured it was a waste of time.

Boy was I wrong! It's crazy, but those small exercises are working. And the best part of the session is the ultrasound. When it is finished, my shoulder feels great!

So often we think bigger is better. The harder the exercise, the more you sweat, the better the results. The bigger the present, the more money you have, more things, etc.

This time of year we can easily get bombarded with the thoughts of "more is better" instead of focusing on "the reason for the season."

It's the little things that count. Saying hello to a stranger, holding a door open for someone with their arms full, being a good listener. These are important things that may touch a person who is having an otherwise bad day.

God wants us to keep the Holy Spirit alive in all that we do. That's what "oozing" is all about. Keep God alive in the small stuff at Christmas.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. physical therapy
2. Winter finally arriving!
3. lights on the tree
4. new opportunities
5. prayer

Complete Surrender

I had a root canal done today. I wanted to ask my new dentist if he'd graduated high school. Do doctors just keep getting younger, or am I truly getting older?

I would rather go to the gynecologist than the dentist. I've just always had a fear of the dentist. As I was sitting in the dentist chair this morning, trying to keep my cool, I realized I was putting myself completely in his care. My mouth was wide open with a rubber protector over my mouth (that was a new one for me) and I had absolutely no control.

Sure, I could get up and leave at a moments notice, but with a gaping hole in my mouth!

For those moments today I was in complete surrender to Dr. W. It was a surreal feeling. Do I feel that way everyday when I surrender myself to God?

I start my day, lying in bed and asking God for the strength to completely surrender everything I do to Him. That all I do oozes with the light of Christ. Unfortunately, I often fall short of the mark.

All I can do is continue to put God first in all that I do. He loves me even if I fall short.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. a party in my home tonight
2. decorating for the holiday
3. candles
4. little tennis shoes thumping in the dryer
5. hot chocolate

Be Still Sunday

The Truth

I was at a business dinner tonight. The usual happened. Schmoozing, eating, eating, schmoozing. It is nice to see my colleagues. We get together quarterly as we are spread out around the country. So it was good.

One of my colleagues started talking about his mother who passed away many years ago. He was working in hopsice during her illness and was telling me about how his experience in hospice work helped him and his family through the death of his mother.

Okay, so what's the big deal? Makes sense...

He kept on about how all the "right things" seemed "to happen". Everything "fell into place" the way it was supposed to. I wanted to stand on the table and yell "IT WAS GOD'S HAND, NOT COINCIDENCE!"

But, I couldn't. I was in a work environment and didn't know if he was a Christian.

I hate that. There are times I feel like I can't talk about God and want to shout from the rooftops about who He is.

As soon as that conversation was over, my other colleague next to me started talking about his days in seminary. :)

This is a perfect example of a situation in where we need to "ooze" Christ. Even if we can't talk about God, we can be His example in all that we do.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. a great business to work for
2. wonderful food
3. friends
4. a good book
5. fresh lemonade

Remember when...

Remember when you would wait all year long for "Rudolf the Red Nose Reindeer" and "A Charlie Brown Christmas" to come on network television? You waited for the one showing for the entire year. There weren't DVD's and VHS tapes to pop in and watch your favoite Christmas shows over and over.

I told my twelve year old this as we watched "The Grinch" last night and he was mortified. The age we live in. It's crazy. In our household we have a main computer and three laptops, three iPods, two televisions, three cell phones.....and we are by no means "wealthy".

Our society is so fast. It emphasizes material possessions. It scares me.

I've never been a "Material Girl", and I just pray that what we feel is important in our lives is seen by our sons. Family, friends, love, and most importantly Christ.

My prayer is that we all "Keep the Christ in Christmas" this season and not let the material world get the best of us.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. my wireless mouse
2. Christmas trees
3. seeing snow on my trip
4. highs in the 30's
5. packing light

Being Busy

I love being productive. I love when my day goes by and I have a feeling of great accomplishment. There's nothing I hate worse than wasting my time.

Don't get me wrong, I love my downtime, vegging out in front of the television, and reading a good book, but I do love good work.

I am preparing for a quarterly meeting with my work and will be traveling to Kansas City. I'm in charge of team building and a few other items, so I am busy getting everything together.

One thing I'll be talking about with our team is change. Scary word, isn't it? Working on this presentation has me revisiting the enormous change I've encountered in my life over the past three years. Moving from the only city I've ever lived to going out of state, following my husband in ministry, my father passing away. The list goes on.

It's amazing how God's hand has been on me and my family. I am just completely overwhelmed when I think about how He has taken care of us and led us.

Remember, God loves you like no one else ever could. He is with you always.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. a phone call from a friend
2. soup
3. Christmas music
4. good work
5. a wonderful boss

Be Still Sunday

The Day After

We had a wonderful, quiet Thanksgiving. My mother-in-law and sister-in-law came in to spend a few days with us. My turkey was moist, everything else was fabulous and I didn't have to clean the kitchen, and I took a very, long nap. What more could I ask for?

With such a wonderful day, how could I feel so lonely? My dad went home to the Lord just over a year ago, and my mom went twelve years ago. My only sibling and I have been estranged for seven years despite my attempts at reconciliation. It has to be in God's time, not mine. It still hurts.

"El Roi", the God who sees me, knows my heart. He knows the deepest desires of our hearts and he knows the pain and longing that we endure. Regardless, He is there for us.

I am so thankful for my family. The love I am surrounded by with my husband and boys, my friends, and my church family. God has me on this journey for a reason.

"Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good, His love endures forever." Psalm 136:1

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. leftovers
2. going to the gym (after a two week hiatus)
3. family
4. shopping
5. books

Giving Thanks

"Be joyful always, pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Isn't that hard? To be joyful always...what about when you have children that are in the teen years? Pray continually...I have trouble dedicating myself to regular quiet time, how can I pray continualy? Give thanks in all circumstances...what if you and a close loved no longer speak to each other?

No matter how angry or frustrated your "teen" makes you, be joyful that you have a child when so many do not.

Prayer is not just sitting in a quiet place and talking to God. You can pray in the car, while washing dishes, watching television...it's about conversation.

How can I give thanks when I am estranged from someone I love? I love that person with my whole heart and pray for them regularly, but when I look back at the different events that have unfolded as a result of the dissolution of that relationship, I have seen God work in my life. I wouldn't be where I am today, physically, geographically or spiritually if I was still in that relationship.

God is good. All the time.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. family coming to town
2. orange juice
3. warm socks
4. Santa Fe
5. turkey to cook

A Prayer to Share

My husband showed me a great prayer this morning. It really touched me and I want to share it with you.

Thomas Merton's Prayer of Abandonment

My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going.

I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end.

Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so.

But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you and I hope that I have that desire in all that I am doing.

And I know that if I do this, you will lead me by the right road although I may know nothing about it.

Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death, I will not fear, for you are ever with me and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.

When doubt creeps in I am going to turn to this prayer.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. homemade rolls
2. my little one's new daycare
3. freshly groomed dogs
4. my warm jacket
5. my loving husband

Be Still Sunday

Words

I was at lunch the other day with a couple of friends. We were having a nice time, enjoying good food and good company when things started to turn. One of them mentioned a person we know and the two of them went off into "Judgement Land".

Yes, part of me wanted to chime in but I simply continued to eat my lunch and prayed to God, "I don't want to be part of this gossip, Father, help me have the strength to stay quiet." And I did. Somehow or another the topic changed and lunch began to be enjoyable again. I actually "oozed" the light of Christ without even saying a word! When I think back, I wish I would have stopped the conversation, made it a point to let my friends know what they were doing, and have moved on. I'll pray to get the strength to do that when the time presents itself.

I think back on so many times in my life when I've chimed right in with the other gossip mongers. I hate that. I hate that I have often let my words bring down another, even if it was without their knowing. God knew. I knew.

I love the Christian Band Building 429. I especially like where their band name derived from.

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." Ephesians 4:29 – NIV

Isn't that something we need to remind ourselves of everyday? And what about our children? I cringe when I think about how I often talk to my "tween" son. It's not just what we say, but how we say it that can affect a person.

We need to build each other up. Think about your words. Choose them carefully.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. our pediatrician
2. the courage to get to the dentist
3. a sunny, cold, day
4. getting the house ready for family
5. peanut butter

Catching Up

I traveled to a conference this past weekend, and I still can't get caught up. It feels as if I have been away for months! My house is a wreck (I have a painter working for a couple of days), clothes to wash, work and email I am still trying to get through and I have not made it back to the gym since last Wednesday.

To top it off, my hubby is still in Denver finishing his final exams and will be home around lunchtime today! No school for him until January! Woo Hoo!

I tend to keep forgetting that family is coming to town next week for Thanksgiving. (Is that really next week)?

The area I have been trying to get back into routine with is in my quiet time with the Lord. Once you get out of routine with just about anything, it takes quite a bit to get back with it.

For all the craziness that is in my life, I am thankful to have craziness to look forward to everyday.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. my hubby coming home
2. the smell of fresh paint
3. long sleeved t-shirts
4. stick horses
5. craziness

Can you believe???

Can you even believe that Christmas commercials are already airing on television? (You know, the commercial with the Hershey Kisses playing We Wish You A Merry Christmas)? Walmart has their trees up, pre-packaged candies, sets of coffee and tea are already lining up the aisles.

Thanksgiving has not arrived.

This is the one thing that makes me crazy about the holiday's. The rush, the commercialism. Blow up Santa's in the front yard, lights hanging outside like the Griswold's. It makes me sad.

How do you keep Jesus as the Reason for the Season with your children? I mean, the world does a pretty good job at pushing it's commercialzied agenda. It just hurts my heart.

I think it hinges on our daily quiet time with the Lord. Today, I've not had my time, but I am going to be sure that before I go to bed, that I spend time with Him. We have to set examples for our children. They need to know what is important and what takes first place in our lives.

I pray that "The Reason for the Season" is evident in our lives, not just over the next several weeks, but everyday of our lives.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. being able to hire a painter to paint a few rooms in my house!
2. leftover chicken
3. moccasins
4. seeing the first snow in Denver
5. a dirty house to clean

Be Still Sunday

A Wonderful Book

I have just finished reading a fantastic book, The Shack, by William P. Young. It's the story of a man, Mack, who endures a tragedy and God appears to him in different human forms representing God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit.

At the retreat I was recently at, I heard some ladies discussing the book as being too new age. They were a little offended at representations of Christ made by Mr. Young.

I didn't see it that way at all. Actually, it helped me to visualize the different forms God takes in our lives. It changed my perspective and really made me think. I mean we don't know what God physically looks like. We have preconceived notions from our Sunday School teachings, books, parents, etc. on what God may or may not look like.

The bottom line is that I know He lives in my heart. I am glad Mr. Young painted this interesting picture of the Trinity for our day and age. The Father wants us to know him deeply, intimately and if developing a picture in our mind helps to further that relationship, I am all for it.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. the cold weather
2. hotel rooms
3. seeing my colleagues from across the country
4. safe travels
5. my husband loving seminary

The Jones'

In our society it is so hard to not focus on what everyone else has or what everyone else is doing. Being the wife of a minister, I find that I question myself quite a bit. "What if I don't......, What if I decide to not complete this study....., What if, What if."

"Peter turned and saw that the disciple whom Jesus loved was following them. (This was the one who had leaned back against Jesus at the supper and had said, "Lord, who is going to betray you?") When Peter saw him, he asked, "Lord, what about him?" Jesus answered, "If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me." John 21:20-21

Perhaps a bible study we are participating in is not where we need to be. Doubt can cloud our mind as to whether or not we are worthy enough or smart enough to be there, but actually, it may not be God's time for us to hear that message.

How do we discern where we need to be? Do we rely on what our neighbor is doing? Do we rely on what the church is "expecting" of us? No. Absolutely not. We must rely on God speaking to us. We need to continue to practice being still to hear His word.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. Gabe, my personal trainer, aka the "Workout Nazi"
2. Albondigas (meatball soup)
3. preparing for our annual trip to the NHF meeting
4. plants
5. my husband, pushing me through my low points

Time Away

I was so blessed to be part of the Celebration Womens Prayer Retreat this past weekend. It was held in the Texas Hill Country in Brenham (home of Blue Bell) and the weather was perfect.

It was a time for renewal. A time for being still and focusing on what God wants to do in me. I did struggle at first because I didn't really know anyone but one person very well, but the Lord worked in me and I was there for a few reasons.

I had the chance to minister to two different ladies and I am so glad that God gave me the words to speak to them.

I also had time to be alone. Truly alone with Him. We spent an hour and a half in silence to journal, pray, do what we needed to do. What a blessing that was! I don't know the last time I had that kind of silence! I spent my time in a grove of trees, with the wind gently blowing surrounded by yellow butterfiles. Yes, it was as wonderful as you would imagine.

I also had my beliefs tested. Part of the teaching over the weekend was on Healing Prayer. The presenter was a Methodist deacon who runs a retreat center that focuses its healing through Theophostic Prayer. I'm just not too sure about all of that. I know we are the hands and feet of Christ, but she led us to think that by putting our hands on others who need healing and praying for them, that healing will come.

Yes, I know the Lord works in amazing ways and mircales happen. Cancer is suddenly out of a persons body, arthritis is gone completely, a shoulder beyond repair is healed. But what about someone with a bleeding disorder, or Cerebal Palsy? If I put my hands on them and pray for healing and they are not healed, what does that mean?

At first I thought that maybe my faith was not strong enough to be part of this type of praying, but I believe in Jesus Christ as my Savior, so nothing is wrong with my faith!

I believe there are many ways to pray and not one of them is wrong. It's ultimately about your relationship with Christ. I pray that each of you develop and strengthen the bond you have with Him through prayer.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. orange juice
2. a good night's sleep
3. uneventful travel
4. homemade popcorn
5. sweat pants

Be Still Sunday

Being Still

I struggle with being still. As the mom of two children (throw in their bleeding diorder of daily infusions), the wife of a minister and full time working woman, and starting to launch my speaking ministry, I guess there is a reason I have trouble being still.

"Be still, and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10

I have had a great week in getting up earlier than usual and spending time with the Lord (and even folding a load of clothes)! I am excited about my new method of Bible Study, the Inductive Study, and I am super excited about going to a Prayer Retreat this weekend sponsored by Celebration Ministries.

I am at a point in my life where I am hungering to be closer to God. I want everything I do to be for God's glory. I want His calling on my life to speak His word to be deep and intimate. I want to do His work for all the right reasons....for His glorification.

I am excited about being in the midst of women this weekend with the same intentions...to learn more about prayer...to be in relationship with Him.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. a new winter jacket on my little one
2. hot chocolate
3. the first really cold blast of the season
4. the resources to get on a plane to make the trip to my retreat
5. my sisters in Christ

Overwhelming Kindness

Have you ever been overwhelmed by the kindness of a friend, or even a stranger? I am in the process of developing my speaking ministry (website, marketing materials, etc.) and a dear friend of mine has been helping me. She is an amazing graphic artist and all around creative gal.

Last night she emailed me to preview my website and told me that she believed in what I was doing in the name of God and it was her donation to my ministry.

I was speechless! First of all, the website turned out just beautiful and secondly, how can someone open their heart to me that way? It's just almost too much to bear.

Sometimes we are so busy giving (being a mom, wife, friend....) that when someone opens their heart up to us it's just overwhelming.

Stepping out in faith is scary, but when you know it is where God is leading you, it is truly an adventure. My friends are God's angels here on earth. I don't know what I would do without them.

Have you reached out to someone lately with extraordinary kindness?

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. orange juice
2. stepping out in faith
3. a great dental check up for my boys
4. the election being over!
5. going to breakfast with my hubby

Studying the Word

I am currently in a Beth Moore bible study, Living Beyond Yourself. It started out to be promising, but there is something about Beth's teaching that is not working for me. I feel as if it gets way over my head at times. I may be the only female on the planet that has anything negative to say about Beth Moore, God forgive me, but it's just not working for me.

I am in a room full of women who have studied God's word for many years and I feel very inferior in my knowledge. I know that God does not keep track of who is better versed in scripture than the other, but I want to be in His word so desperately.

I think I found an answer.

I visited Kay Arthur's website for her ministry, Precept Ministries, and was so excited to find what may be my answer.

She has a method of studying the Bible called the Inductive Study. She lays out the steps in attacking each book of the Bible. It's all Observation, Interpretation, and Application.

I started today in prayer and began reading 2 Timothy. I am praying that this method will help me in growing closer to God and to be more versed in the Word.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. my son taking out the trash
2. getting up early enough to start my day with the Lord
3. a restful Sunday
4. the extra hour of sleep
5. my clothes fitting better

Be Still Sunday

Looking in the Mirror

On Oprah, Suze Orman, finanacial wonder woman, targeted a woman who was in deep financial trouble. She was being abused by her husband, physically and emotionally and he drained all of their accounts, put them in financial ruin and committed suicide.

She had no skill and four children to raise with an enormous amount of debt. She was drowning. She didn't know where to turn. That's when Suze came in. They sat and looked at the devastation in black and white and then Suze did the most awesome thing.

They went to the bathroom and Suze had the lady take her makeup off (she was all about her appearance) and Suze went right along with her and on national television, they took their makeup off. What a frightening thing for someone who never left the house without makeup.

Suze had a difficult time getting the lady to look at herself in the mirror. She said "it's not me, I don't know who I am." That's when Suze made her look at herself, without any type of mask and said "this is who you are, you are beautiful and you will get through this for yourself and your children."

Wow. What a powerful moment. I was in tears for this woman who had lost practically everything and had her resolve and dignity literally beaten out of her.

She saw truth for the first time. She saw herself.

Don't we try to dress ourselves up for the world? We work so hard at not wanting others to know that we actually may struggling. That our lives are not really as "picture perfect" as some may think.

I will admit that when I get out of the shower every night, I immediately turn my back to the mirror. I don't like the way I look. Yes, I am working very hard to get healthy, and it sure is a slow road, but I should not be ashamed of what I see.

My body gave birth to two, beautiful boys! I can walk and talk and exercise and have a good time with my family. Why should I be ashamed of what I see?

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am feafully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful. I know that full well." Psalm 139:13-14

God knows everything about us. Our heart's desires, our needs and wants and dreams. He made us in love. He loves us the way we are. Love yourself, cherish yourself and in all that you have and do, glorify God.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. conversation with my hubby in bed before the alarm
2. phone calls from old friends
3. planning a party for my son
4. peanut butter toast
5. wonderful co-workers

A New Day

I am back at work today after my depression had gotten the best of me this past week. I was pretty anxious about getting back with the routine, and after a little rough patch this morning, things have settled down.

My life verse is Isaiah 43:1, "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine." But you know, I think the best part is 43:2, "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you, When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned, the flames will not set you ablaze."

When life gets rough, I often feel as if I am drowning. That I have no way back to shore. But God will never let the rivers sweep over me. He is there for me during the roughest of times in all the fires that I find myself in...I always come out unscathed because of His love. That is an amazing thing. His love endures forever and is never judgemental. What a gift!

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. having the strength to start fresh
2. my sweet husband
3. the Word of God
4. a clean bathroom
5. ink in my printer

Be Still Sunday

A Really Bad Few Days

It hits suddenly. The darkness, the coldness, the shroud of depression. If you have never expereienced depression, it is very hard to understand.

"Can't you just snap out of it?"

"Go take a shower and you'll feel better."

"If your faith was stronger, you wouldn't suffer from depression."

I wish it was that easy. I've felt this setback coming, but when it hit it really scared me. I could barely care for my children.

I praise God for my sweet husband. He put me first, without condemnation, and cancelled his weekly trip to school in Denver to be with me. He forced me to do things with him and it was excruciating, but it was a victory.

Walking through the mall was the most painful thing I've done in ages. Step by step I felt as if I was going to just collapse. I put my foot one in front of the other and literally did the next right thing. It is what saved me from going to the absolute bottom of my "pit."

"I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry, He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God, Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord."Psalm 40:1-3

Our drive to the mall is about an hour, so during that hour, I slept. It wasn't a regular sleep, but a deep, outside of my body sleep. I didn't know who I was, even in my short dreams.

Today was a day of rest. I slept most of the day but it was different. I was not falling into the pit of depression, but I was recovering from my brief visit there. Every hour I continued to climb my way out.

It takes every ounce of your being to be in the pit. It still amazes me how a person can go there against their will. Depression just sucks you in. You fight, you pray and sometimes you have to visit the pit before you can get back to the surface.

I know I am on the upswing of this bout of depression. I am working with my doctor on my medications, and trying to stay in the moment with my husband and children.

Soon these few days will be nothing but a memory and I will move on to better days, one moment at a time.

Anxiety

I used to think my mom was crazy, when in fact she was having an anxiety attack. I mean, is that real? Do people really have attacks of anxiety?

Yes. I know. From personal experience.

Everyone get anxious about one thing or another, from time to time. But someone who suffers from anxiety can deal with attacks often. Sometimes daily, or several times a week.

I am fighting off an attack as I type this in hopes that I can pray through it and offer all I have to God.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

When I am about to take a big step in faith, anxiety will come on to me. I know it's really Satan trying to get his way with me when I have the least bit of doubt, but what I truly know is that if I am listening to God and being obedient to Him, I am moving in the right direction.

I am currently working on my marketing materials for my speaking ministry and it is all becoming real. It is really a bit scary...to put yourself out there not knowing the response you will get. But I know in my heart I am going where God is leading me.

I pray that all my actions and words will ooze Christ in all that I do.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. a vacation day
2. a clean baby blanket
3. crisp, morning air
4. my reading glasses
5. highlighters

Be Still Sunday

Punkins

Last weekend we went to the Pumpkin Festival. It was wonderful! We went to the pumpkin patch and were able to pick our own pumpkins. My oldest helped his little brother pick a pumpkin of his own.



He hasn't let it out of his sight! It rides to daycare every morning with us, goes to church, goes to the store...he's just too precious. He always has his "Punkin" with him.

The change of seasons always brings a favorite verse to mind from Ecclesiastes:

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven...."

We know that there is a time to be born and a time to die, a time to weep and a time to laugh. We know that the seasons will change and God will bring us blessings throughout the different seasons in our lives.

Change is inevitable. My prayer for the change in seasons is that God is always first in my heart and in the hearts of those I love.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. hearing the clothes in the dryer
2. plants needing to be watered
3. the letter my mom wrote me before she passed away
4. my dogs sleeping at my feet
5. "Punkins"

Bloggy Break

I've been on a bloggy break for several days. I hadn't planned to be, but life just seemed to really be happening lately.

The last few days have been really rough. I had a situation at work that made me so upset that I have physically been sick. I hate when I get that way. The problem is that when something like that sets me off, Satan finds that opening to get at me with my depression. I see it and feel it happening, but sometimes I can't stop it.

I did have victory today though. I wanted nothing more than to call in at work and stay home in bed all day long. (It's kind of hard to do when your husband is out of town and you have to get the kids off to school :)) So, I did what I was supposed to. After they were off, I went to my desk and spent time in bible study with the Lord. I felt like a different person when I was finished. He gave me a verse today.

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13

As I was reading that verse and let it sink into me, I looked up and saw a book I haven't looked at in quite some time. Praying God's Word, by Beth Moore. It is a fantastic book where she takes scripture on several different strongholds in our lives and personalizes the scripture. She puts Romans 13:15 like this:

"Lord, You are the God of hope. Fill me with all joy and peace as I trust in You, so that I may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."

Wow! That's powerful stuff. So often I read scripture, I can even recite a few verses, but I don't know that I feel what it means to me. Part of my problem is that I have not been been setting aside my quiet time everday. This happens to me a lot. Things are basically running on auto pilot and I tend to forget that Jesus wants to hear from me everyday even with the mundane things that happen. It's not all about having a crisis, it's about having a relationship.

I pray that you have a relationship with Him. Don't neglect it, nurture it.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. Doing the next right thing
2. working for a great boss
3. Celebration Ministries
4. my Cricut
5. pumpkins

Be Still Sunday

Living Well

I am truly feeling good. I am finally starting to feel the affects of working out. I was told yesterday that I "looked like I was losing weight and looked great!" Woo Hoo! That completely made my day!

Have you ever heard the saying, "I'm not where I want to be, but I'm glad I not where I was?" (something like that). All I can say to that is a huge, resounding AMEN! I have to continue to "Live Well" one day at a time.

I am glad Darlene reminds us again to "focus" in her column this week. It is so easy to let our daily lives run on automatic and forget what our focus in all things should be...Christ!

My prayer is that I not put a foot on the ground in the morning without surrendering everything I am to Christ. To put Him first in all things, especially in my quest to Live Well.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. Dinner at church on Wednesday's!
2. ice water
3. Spiced Pumpkin Yankee Candles
4. A productive day at work
5. Hot Wheels

Forty and Going Strong!

Today is my fortieth birthday. I have been dreading it for the longest time. I don't know why, because age has never affected me one way or the other. The difference this year is that today marks the one year anniversary of my father going home to the Lord.

The same thing happened to my mother in law. Her mom passed away on her birthday. So many people felt bad about the timing of it all and what it would forever mean to me, but I see it differently. I appreciate the significance that of all days in the year, my dad went home to the Lord on the day I was born. It was the day he let go and was finally at peace. It's the day a huge peace enveloped me. I knew, for the first time in years, he could walk and talk again and be with my mom.

Today, I will celebrate. I will celebrate my Dad's life and what he means to me and I will celebrate forty years full of blessings that the Lord has granted me. Today is another day I don't deserve and I am going to live it to the fullest.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. Christ in my heart.
2. My Dad's life.
3. My beautiful children.
4. My wonderful husband.
5. Being treated to a Spa Day!

Only Mommy Will Do

My little, sweet love, Christian, was sick yesterday. It was the start of a stuffy nose and warm forehead, and all he wanted was Mommy.

You give them medicine and a juice box and then they want to lay on you and watch a movie with their blankie.

I hate that my son was sick, but I do love those moments of lying with him and comforting him. He knows when he doesn't feel good, Mommy is always there.

The cool thing is that God provides us comfort all of the time. Not just when we are sick. He is there with His word, but do we go to it as often as we should?

I want to dive into His word when I am not in a crisis. I want to open my Bible on a daily basis and learn. We should know better than to run to Him only when times are tough. We need to feed ourselves with His word daily. This way, when times are tough, those words will begin to flow through us and comfort us.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. a clean bill of health.
2. fresh, fall flowers
3. feeling good about myself
4. parent teacher conferences
5. new opportunites

Be Still Sunday

Not Done Yet

I just recently started a Beth Moore study, Living Beyond Yourself. Our church has a group who faithfully studies Beth Moore each semester, so I decided to join the Wednesday evening group.

I started a couple of weeks into the study so I am playing catch up. But I am sure glad I am doing this study. It is one of her first studies and the videos came along ten years later. It should truly be the first to do in her series. It is about the basics...living the fruit of the spirit in our everyday life.

While watching the first session video, she made a comment that I am keeping close to my heart. "If you're still drawing breath, you ain't done". Now how is that for truth!

I can easily get down in my day to day living. Sometimes I wonder, "Is this it?" You know what I mean, the daily duties of wife, mother, colleague....it is easy to lose sight of the prize at the end of our journey.

"I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:14

God has each of us here for a reason. Part of that reason is to be a loving wife, mother, colleague and so many other roles. I needed to hear that truth that yes, I'm still breathing, and I ain't done!

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. coffee
2. rocks that fall out of small shoes
3. the gym
4. feeling my body start to feel good
5. colored pens

Acceptance

I think I have finally accepted the fact that this weight loss journey is going to take quite a bit of time. I've been getting frustrated because I am working out so hard at the gym. I'm working with a trainer and the days I'm not with him I get to the treadmill and work hard. I'm just not seeing anything coming off.

I have to also accept the fact that my medications for my depression and my PCOS do not help my cause, but I am not going to give in to those reasons and accept the weight I am currently at.

I will admit that I am starting to "feel" better. Slow as it goes, steady wins the race. I am pressing on to my prize.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. breakfast with my husband
2. vanilla coffee creamer
3. great medical care
4. steam cleaned carpet
5. early dismissal days

A Special Relationship

I am so blessed. I picked up my oldest from school today and as we were leaving the parking lot, he confided in me (I really don't want to be specific). It was something that warmed my heart. My 12 year old son tells me everything! I know, times will change, but I know that when I was 12 I didn't confide in my mom the way he confides in me.

Oh, how I hope he feels as close to me years from now as he does today!

It's like my relationship with Christ. I have depended on Him completely and given myself to Him freely, but there are times I have strayed and not given Him my utmost in confidence. I hate when that happens. He knows I have a deep love for Him and regardless of where I am in life, He loves me.

I will always love my son, whether he confides in me completely or not. It will never change the way I feel about him.

Be Still Sunday

Small Town Living

Today is a perfect, New Mexico day. The sky is amazingly blue and the clouds are white, puffy and floating along without a care in the world. It's in the upper 70's and it's Fair Day. The kids are out of school and the fair parade is the big "to do" for the day. My oldest is marching with the band in his first parade. I haven't really thought much of it, I mean, it's just a parade, right?

My little one and I find a spot on the main street and park our chairs (why I brought him a chair, I have no clue). He is busy playing with the rocks and starts to get excited when he hears the firetrucks! Here they come! The ROTC, the Girl Scouts, the Grand Marshall, and here comes the band!

As I am frantically looking for my son to capture the perfect picture, I spot him and for a split second I am back in the delivery room on June 23, 1996 holding him for the first time. The tears just start to pour. Luckily, despite my "being a woman", I snap a shot. (He is in the black shirt to the right).



Our children grow so fast. I must admit that there are many days that I take advantage of the fact that I assume we will all have another day together. There is no guarantee. I don't mean to be morbid, but it is reality. We have to live life to the fullest everyday! I don't want my depression to rob me of another day. I pray that Christ will shine through me in all I do and in my children. I plan to live everyday with more passion than ever.

Sinking....

This week started with a very successful business trip to Chicago. It was all good. Good travel, not being rushed, good business, good connections, etc. Then Wednesday came and I had no energy. Quick trips can really take alot out of you, especially when you are not accustomed to traveling every week like many of my colleagues.

I have been sinking. Sinking into my pit. I want to do nothing but curl up and sleep. I haven't been very productive with my work or my duties at home. My hubby is off to Denver as of this morning and back tomorrow, so it is all up to me to take care of the kids. My desire to be a mom is even just about gone.

Just when I think my depression is cured, Satan gets a hold of me. I think clinical depression is like an addiction in some respects. You can control it by various methods, but it is never completely gone.

I pray for healing in my soul. For Satan to get his claws out of me. For the light of Christ to shine in me stronger than ever.

Be Still Sunday

Being Thankful

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. the fact that I don't teach school anymore!
2. lemonade
3. lunch with a friend
4. Nemo
5. mechanical pencils

Blessings!

The Scale

I've gotten in the habit of weighing myself on Wednesday mornings. I think I need to stop. I have been working so hard by going to the gym Monday through Friday and working with a personal trainer. It's been good. I do feel better and have been pushing myself and feeling really good about it.

I know my body is changing, and I feel good, but why do I get wrapped up in the number on the scale?

I am NOT the number on the scale! I am so much more than that.

I am a child of God, who has been called to speak His truths. I am a wife and mother who keeps the house running through bleeds and a husband traveling out of state to seminary once a week. (And I do the occasional business trip as well). I am a minister to women, I am a friend and a confidant, etc., etc.

Do you get the picture? You are all these things and more! Don't let the number on the scale overwhelm you and dictate to you what you think of yourself!

I bought a small, spiral notebook and have started filling it with scripture and quotes that speak to me. I've put it on the treadmill (to cover the timer) and fill my heart with these words as I am pushing myself to get through those "30 minutes".

This is the scripture that has been on my heart:

"Commit to the Lord everything you do. Then your plans will succeed." Proverbs 16:3

The scripture does not say Commit to the Lord everything you do "perfectly"...or Commit to the Lord everything you do "successfully"... We need to commit everything we do to Him. My mind wanders while I am on the treadmill, and yesterday I made it a point to fill it with prayers and His word.

My prayer is for you to fill your hearts with His word. Go to Him in everything you do.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. my iPod
2. coffee
3. my auto mechanic offering us a payment plan
4. freedom to work flexible hours
5. my dog snoring

Passion

I have had a great start to my week. I was given the opportunity to speak to a group in Nebraska (via conference call) about customer service. When I speak about customer service, it is in relation to caring for those with bleeding disorders.

I have a passion for educating. I taught middle school band in the Texas Public School System for thirteen years before I came to my current job. Now, I get to educate people caring for those with bleeding disorders such as hemophilia, which my sons are afflicted with.

The other area my passion has "oozed" into is speaking to women's groups about Christ and how He works in our lives. My ministry is in the early stages of development, and it is really exciting.

I never dreamed my passion would be speaking. I always thought it would be music. Music is still a passion of mine (I am an oboist) but I never dreamed it would change. (With my fortieth birthday looming, I have been reflecting a bit too much).

Sometimes I am overwhelmed at how God has worked in my life. Through what many would think is devastation, hemophilia has blessed me in countless ways. Through the dissolution of the relationship with my sister, I have found who I truly am through Christ and otherwise may not know Him the way I do now.

He has ignited a passion in me. A passion to share His word.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. incense
2. the lingering, morning breeze
3. Hurricane Ike sparing much damage to my family
4. hope
5. Proverbs 31 Ministries

The Enemy....

Yes, the enemy knows where to attack us, doesn't he? I actually said, out loud, "I am so glad the boys are back to normal". Well, not long after that comment yesterday, my little one developed another bleed. It is under control, but it will take infusing throughout the weekend.

The enemy has been using hemophilia against me lately. The ugliness and pain that hemophilia can inflict on a person has shown up in my boys. If I could take their pain away, I would, but I can't. I know I am being tested. I have to rely on God through all things but I find myself so absorbed in "the problem" that I forget that He is waiting on me.

He meets me where I am. When I am about to shed tears over the pain my boys endure, when I am stressed out because my little one is having a bleed and my husband is out of town, when I "fall off the wagon" and overeat because I need to be comforted, He is there. He is my comfort. I hate that I give in to other things to comfort me.

I fall short of the mark in making Christ my center. I desperately want to go to Him in all things...even when things are great and uneventful, I want to go to Him with everything I have.

Today I Am Thankful For:
1. having a great workout
2. ice, cold water
3. being productive at work
4. clean, folded clothes
5. eating oranges with my little one

Living Well

Darlene wrote a great post today about "Associative Learning". It's about how we automatically associated certain behaviors with the other. For me, when the television goes on, I want to grab a snack, hungry or not!

I've become very aware of that within the past few weeks and am trying to do others things. (I'm trying to cut back on my television watching....not easy to do). It just takes a minute to really divert your thinking. Putting in a load of clothes, spending 5 minutes cleaning out a junk drawer, organizing my scrapbooking closet. Believe me, I have tons of things I can do rather than watch television and eat.

But yes, I know, there is nothing wrong with "vegging out" in front of the television. I just can't make a habit of doing it everyday anymore.

All I can do in my quest to Live Well is take it one day at a time and remember that I am not the number on the scale.

"Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body." 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

Where He Meets Us

I had a revelation last night. Despite all of the craziness with my boys having bleeding episodes recently and dealing with my own weight loss struggle, you know who is always there? God. He meets us right where we are at. If it's at the depths of depression or when we are on high when our children are successful, God is there.

He knows we are broken people, yet He loves us with a love we can hardly comprehend. Why wouldn't I spend time everyday with someone this wonderful? There is no excuse. If God loves me with an everlasting love, I need to show Him that I love him back.

The beauty of it is, that I don't have to wait until I lose weight or have been the "perfect" mom for the day before I spend time with God. He takes me as I am and will help me accomplish the things that I strive for.

Today I Am Thankful For:
1. ice cold water
2. my husband dropping the kids off at school
3. making moves forward in my ministry
4. the ability to write in an open forum
5. the cool, desert mornings

Complacency

Have you ever become complacent about anything? You know, just take things for granted? I have come face to face with complacency these past two weeks. My sons live with hemophilia. My oldest, Lance, has never had complications. We just treat his condition and go about our business. No problems. Until August 25th when he developed a pretty serious bleed.

All of a sudden, right between the eyes, it hit me. "Oh, yeah, my son has hemophilia!"

Something else I have been complacent about is the time I spend with God. When things are going well, and I go about my business, the kids are well, my husband is good, I'm feeling fine, I "forget" to spend my quality time with the Lord.

He waits on me everyday. But do I show up everyday?

I am getting better at protecting my time with God. When I have my quiet time and spend time in His word, my day is just better.

Have you become complacent about anthing ? Are you protecting your quiet time with God?

Things I Am Thankful For:
1. Seeing Lance's injury begin to heal
2. top quality medical care
3. temperatures in the 80's
4. Beth Moore
5. exfoliating lotion

Living Well

I am happy to say that today is a better day. My oldest son is still struggling with healing over the bleed he has been battling, but he is improving. My little one is good, so that makes things so much better in the dynamics of our family this week.

I went to the gym last night, even though my heart was not into it initially, and I am so glad I did. My routine on the treadmill is becoming easier! Yeah for improvement! My eating has been a little off kilter with all of the issues with my boys. I tend to eat when I get depressed or stressed....sound familiar?

Things are better and I am positive the rest of the week will be a success.

To visit others "Living Well" go to http://christianwomenonline.net/live_well.html.

Yuck

Yuck. That's how I feel today. Both of my sons are having bleeding issues (hemophilia). My oldest has been home three days from school due to a bleed and my husband took our little one to the treatment center 3 1/2 hours away to get his port checked. They are on the mend, but when they hurt and have problems, it hurts me deep down. I'd rather it be me.

As for taking care of myself, that's not going well right now. I just feel defeated. I even took the day off today to try and renew my focus, but I've just wasted the day. I hate getting like this.

I know I can do all things through Christ, I just fall into this pit from time to time and it eats me up.

Today I Am Thankful For

1. a clean kitchen
2. remote controls
3. tea
4. my husband offering to let me stay home
5. good smelling lotion

How to Look Good Naked

Have you seen the show "How to Look Good Naked?" I will admit that I have watched a few episodes and after a few times, you just start to feel really bad that a woman is putting herself out there in such a vulnerable way. I could not even imagine going on that show!

Women who have issues with their bodies go on to the show and the host, Carson Kressley, walks them through why they feel the way they do about their bodies. He asks, as they are in their underwear and bras, what they like and don't like about their body. Then, they rate themselves by comparing themselves to other women (also in bras and panties) to see where they think they stack up. Are they bigger or smaller, etc.

A week or so ago, I flipped on the show after it had already started, and Carson was showing a woman two life sized portraits of two very beautiful women. They were not overweight and he asked her what she liked about each of them. After a few minutes, he asked the models of the photos to come out from behind the pictures and they did not look at all like the photos. They had been airbrushed! The women from behind the photos were overweight and flawed....they were "real" women.

I loved this exercise in truth! The images we see on a daily basis are so often not reality. The woman who studied the photos was just blown away when they walked out and revealed their true selves.

After this portion of the show, the woman goes through a full makeover and does a photo shoot "naked" (covered in strategic places). In the end, you see women start to heal. They start to see themselves for who they really are and not the extra weight that is on them. That is the true message of the show.

Darlene tells us that when we "Live Well" we need to focus not on the weight and the food (especially when we "mess up") but on Christ. Who do we live for? Who do we want to "ooze" and shine through our every move? Jesus.

I pray that each of you go out this week with a renewed focus on who you serve in all things. And remember that you have been made by the Creator of the Univerese. You are perfect in his eyes.
Blessings

Today I Am Grateful For:

1. My new laptop!
2. Factor 8 that treats my sons bleeds
3. Rain
4. My husband
5. Kind words from a colleague

Oh, My G**!

Have you noticed how people carelessly throw around the name of the Lord? Most every reaction you hear is "Oh, my G**"! When I was younger, I used that expression all the time. Then I started to think about it. What did I really mean? Whom was I talking about? I realized my reactions to simple, and unimportant things...things that didn't take much thought...were punctuated with the name of the Creator of the Universe.

Is it too hard to say, "Oh, my gosh?" or "Oh, my goodness?"

We need to think twice about the words that come out of our mouths. Ephesians 4:29 "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."

Some may think that using the word "God" as an exclamation is not unholy, but I think it is more of an issue of reverence. Do we revere God in only his works and word not the proclaimation of His name? In the Jewish tradition, you will see Yahweh written as Y*****. They will not speak or write his name out of reverence. I think that is pretty amazing.

Choosing your language, and exclaimations, just may impress on others what you are and are not saying.

Today I am grateful for:
1. New kitchen floors!
2. a hard workout at the gym
3. an ice, cold 44 oz SONIC Diet Coke
4. the sounds of the handbells rehearsing at church
5. peaches

There's No Place Like Home

It is the third and final day of my business trip in Missouri. I am so ready to go home. So many people think traveling is "glamorous", but in truth, it gets old quick. I don't travel nearly as much as most of my colleagues and I can tell you this, it's not all it's cracked up to be.

It's really hard to "Live Well" when you are traveling. Last night we had a huge going away dinner for my boss and when you are in those situations, it's just hard to keep control. I did really well given the circumstances. The only thing is, I didn't work out. It had been an extremely long day into evening and I had a headache, so I went to my room and called it a night.

I am looking forward to going home, not just so that I can get back on my schedule of eating the way I should and exercising, but I just miss my guys.

Today I am grateful for:
1. 10 minute breaks in a long meeting
2. Tylenol
3. Sharing memories with colleagues
4. Hearing my sons voices on the phone
5. A great, big glass of iced tea

Join other women in their quest to "Live Well" by visiting http://www.christianwomenonline.net/live_well_wednesdays.html.

A Small Victory

Last night I had a business dinner. It was casual, as our team hasn't been together in a while. I love the team I work with. We are from all over the country and just mesh together so well. I am one of the oldest members on the team (not just in age, but in time with the company also). I ended up sitting next to a member from "Corporate" who is not a "member of our team", but is someone who is taking over as a person we answer to. I was pretty nervous. But it was great! We made great small talk and found that we had a few things in common and he was truly interested in the part I played on our team. The nerves disappeared! Victory for me! I felt as if I belonged (I've always known I did, but it's the demons playing games in my mind....)

I also worked out after dinner in the hotel exercise room! That, has never happened before. I "Lived Well" yesterday despite the traveling and business that happened around me. Woo Hoo!

Today I am grateful for:
1. Hearing my little one blow me kisses on the phone.
2. Hearing my oldest being jazzed about the 7th grade!
3. Feeling my worth.
4. A cool summer evening in Missouri.
5. Bottled water.

Blessings!

Gratitude

I am traveling on business to St. Louis today. During my layover in Dallas, early this morning, I went in search of a very large cup of coffee. My mind has not been settled. Whenever I go on certain business trips where “schmoozing” will be involved, I get in a very bad place in my mind. I second guess my worth, my knowledge, my contributions to the company and then I go into the “I don’t look the part”. “I cant’ lose weight fast enough, blah, blah, blah. As I walked “in search of”, I overheard a woman behind me on her cell phone. She sounded as if she was talking to a family member and said, “Her right arm and leg are paralyzed……….” That’s all I remember. That’s all I needed to hear. Here I am getting down on myself because of my appearance and there is someone who has lost the use of two of their limbs! I immediately asked God to forgive me. I can be so selfish. The things I find important or I should say the things that consume me, are trite in the grand scheme of the world.
Do we thank God often enough for what we have? Our health, our family, that we can worship as we please, that we have more than enough food to eat, that we can earn an honest living. Something I did regularly, quite some time ago, was to write in a “Gratitude Journal”. At the end of the day I would write down five things I was grateful for, no matter how large or small. I am starting that today. I encourage you to do the same. What are some of the things you are grateful for?
Today I am grateful for:
1. The unexpected hour I had to wait for the shuttle and was able to write.
2. The ability to walk through the airports without needing assistance.
3. For my husband, who takes over the “Mommy” stuff when I travel (and does a beautiful job).
4. A job that allows me freedom in my schedule and to work from home.
5. The calling the Lord has put on my heart to write and speak His word.

Want versus Need

I just read a great devotional by Darlene at Living Well Wednesday. She talks about "Hunting and Pursuing". I catch myself, so often, trying to get more. More stuff. I know the differnce between want and need, but so often I just go for the "want". It's the same with food. Am I really hungry, or do I just want to eat because I'm bored? Perhaps I've just finished a meal and I am satisfied, but that pie looks awfully good. I want it, I don't need it!

I am trying to change my want vs. need mentality in all ways, especially where food is concerned.

What about Christ? My relationship is with Him is definitely a need. I try to pursue Him everyday, but so often I fall short and don't follow through. I let life get so busy that I forget to spend time and make that time that I spend with Him a priority. It is a need. A need that once I grab onto will fill me up in all ways.

I hope you are Living Well. Not just by meeting your physical needs but most especially in letting Christ consume you.

A New Baby

I just heard that an old friend of mine from Houston gave birth to a beautiful baby boy! Mom and baby are doing wonderful. He was diagnosed with Severe Hemophilia A like one of his brothers. It took me back to my youngest son's (Christian) diagnosis. I was certain that my oldest son's diagnosis of Severe Hemophilia A was a fluke. Surely I would not have another child with hemophilia. Well, God had other plans for our family and for my Christian.

I truly believe the Lord does not give any of us more than we can handle. I never dreamed I would have one child, much less two, with a severe, chronic, medical condition. It may sound strange, but Hemophilia has been nothing but a blessing in many ways to our family. Would I prefer that my children did not have the disorder? Of course! But we are equipped in every way to handle it and to raise our boys knowing that it is something they must live with and can live extremely full lives with little they cannot do.

I thank God for the road He has led me on. I encourage you to find the blessings in everything that comes your way.

"If only..."

Have you ever come across someone who you just want to shake and tell them "Don't you get it?" You see how they can be fixed. "If they would only".........then they would be okay. "If they would only".................they would lose weight. "If they would only"..............they would save money. And so on and so on.

I know for a fact God did not put me here on earth to "fix" others in the ways I think they should be fixed. I think when you become a mom, something inside you just switches on that makes you want to be the "Grand Fixer of All Things...and People". Sometimes it's just so hard to love others and see them the way God sees them. I hate when I do that.

"Father, God, I pray today that I have eyes to see others as you do. To love unconditionally, and to give wholeheartedly."

Living Well Wednesday

I needed to be reminded to "focus". It's so easy to take everything in at once, and not any one single thing. Every time I sit on the sofa (in my spot) my two year old immediately climbs in my lap. I have caught myself getting frustrated when he does this because I am trying to watch a show, or reading a book. But I know that I need to stop, and focus on him. The other stuff can wait.

It's like our "Living Well". I so often think about being at my goal weight and how long it will take. And what happens, I get frustrated and overwhelmed. I don't stop and focus on just today. One thing at a time.

I actually feel great! I've been consistently going to the gym and have been watching what I'm eating. I'm not trying to go crazy with counting calories, I'm just focusing on three sensible meals and snacks. One step at a time.

I also am starting a new bible study, "Believing God" by Beth Moore. I started it several years ago, and never did finish. I have felt led to re visit this study, so I am excited about focusing on it over the next several weeks.

Here's to "Living Well"!

Sunday's

We have made Sunday a day of no television, no computers, and no XBox, until 5 pm...you have to start somewhere. Electronics have taken over and I am just as bad as my hubby and Lance. It's gotten to where I don't really watch t.v. (summer t.v. is pretty bad anyway) but I need the noise on. Or else my little one, Christian, is watching a movie. It just keeps me company.

It has gone extremely well. We read a lot after church, and take the customary Sunday nap. We go outside as a family and just have fun. There's not really been any complaining, which has been great. I am hoping we can extend our "No T.V." time, but know that we just need to take it a step at a time.

I want Jesus to keep me company. I don't need reruns and mindless shows on in the background, just the companionship of the Creator.

A New Commitment

Well, I've started again. My weight loss journey, that is. I hit the treadmill at the gym. The crazy thing is, when I am there walking, I feel like I'm not doing enough. I see the weights and they are just too overwhelming. I figure that I will at least get started with my cardio work and try to be consistent with that before I even think about weights.

Why can't I keep focused? I am going to turn 40 in a few months and I absolutely hate how I look and feel. Shouldn't that be enough to keep me motivated? I think it's the fact that I want everything to happen overnight. How crazy is that? I know in my heart, it will take time, but it is just so easy to get discouraged.

This time has to be different. I have to do it. I have to remember to keep God first in everything, especially this. I know I can do anything and everything through Him. I think Satan just really knows my weaknesses and hits me hard.

Here's to Living Well!

A Random Act of Kindness

I spent almost two weeks in Houston and was reminded of the ills of big city living. Traffic, traffic, traffic! Also, Houston has the kind of humidity that will literally drench you from head to toe. Needless to say, there was not much that I missed (except for the Tex-Mex).

One sight you will see on almost every corner is someone panhandling. I hate that I am so negative towards these people. It must be hard to stand, for everyone to see, and ask for food and/or money. I am sure many of those people are in desperate need, but I do know that others are looking for drug money or even an easy way to make a few bucks.

As I was waiting at a light on the feeder to the freeway, a man was walking between the lanes of traffic with a bucket for money. A woman in a Range Rover leaned over and through the passenger window, handed him a big Ziploc bag. It was filled with a root bear, soap, various toiletries and snacks.

Wow! What a wonderful idea! She obviously took the time to make up a bag (I'm sure she had a few in her car), put thought into what someone on the street might need, and gave of herself. She was the hands and feet of Christ to that man.

I want to have a heart like that woman. I want to give freely, without judgement. I want to see others as God does. Each and every person a creation in Christ.

Surrender

In the corporate world, you really don't know if you will have a job from one day to the next. Without warning, you could get "the phone call" and be jobless. When I took a job in this world five years ago, I was constantly worried about "the phone call". Thankfully, it has yet to come.

I kept questioning myself and often wondered why I left such a comfortable position in the teaching world to go out to the unknown. I knew it was God, but the uncertainty made me crazy.

I was talking to my boss about our positions in the company today as we heard the news of her boss, and dear friend, resigning to take advantage of a wonderful opportunity. She asked me if I was worried about my job and for the first time in five years I honestly, without reservation told her that I wasn't. I went on to tell her that if the company was going to let me go, there was not much I could probably do about it and that God would be leading me on a different path...a better one.

Wouldn't it be great if we approached everything in our lives this way? To keep in the front of our minds that God has ordained our paths and when one door closes, another will open. It may not open when we want it to or even lead to where we think we should go, but we need to surrender ourselves to God's will completely, and everyday.

I have to remind myself everyday "Not my will, by thy will be done".

"Wadee" and Ladybugs

In a mere hour we will be heading back home! I can't believe we survived the bohemian, one room, student apartment for 12 days! It really has not been that bad, but the thought of my own bed is heavenly.

This morning I took my 2 year old, Christian, for our last walk on campus. He was all excited about seeing the "wadee". Water, that is. There are several ponds with lilypads and running water and he absolutely goes crazy over watching the flies on the water and the little waterfalls.

Well, we had a couple of beautiful surprises this morning. On our way, we saw the most beautiful (and enormous) butterfly. He was black and yellow having a good old time in a patch of flowers. My Christian's eyes were huge. We stood for several minutes watching the beauty of this little creature hopping from flower to flower. When he flew off, Christian blew him a great big kiss. How beautiful is that?

We finally reached our "wadee" destination and while Christian was climbing down from the little ledge that lined the walkway he saw a ladybug. It was all alone, looking for a way down. I put the ladybug on my hand and Christian went nuts! He must have thought I was going to hurt it, so I put it back down and we sat and watched it run around until it disappeared.

Children and innocence. It's a beautiful thing. I am blessed to have a little one in my life again for many reasons, but today, he helped me to see the beauty in the tiniest things God has created.

A Reminder

Both of my sons have a bleeding disorder, Severe Hemophilia A. My 12 year old has not had major complications or "bleeds" and we have been extremely blessed with his journey with hemophilia.

My little one is another story. Everything that Lance did not experience Christian has. Tonight we went to dinner (Japanese Hibachi! YUM!) and as we were leaving the restaurant, Christian was limping. That's the thing with hemophilia, a bleed can happen for no reason.

His ankle was swelling so off we went to the apartment to infuse. It will take several infusions over the next few days to clear it up, but fortunately we have medication that can help him.

I get angry with myself because my selfishness rears its ugly head with hemophilia sometimes. I think to myself, "Great. We need to stop everything and infuse." What I really need to think is, "Great! We can stop and infuse and everything will be okay." I hate that that side of me comes out. It's just not pretty.

Am I thrilled and happy that my sons have to deal with this disorder? No. But I do know for sure that God knew the obstacles they would have in their lives and I am privledged enough that He saw me fit to guide them.

"Thank you, Father, for the lives you have entrusted to my care. I am grateful that we have factor to treat their bleeds and enough love and compassion to deal with the things that hemophilia brings our way."

Working from Home

I work from home and that can truly be a challenge. First of all, you really need to be a highly motivated, self starter, and sometimes you just don't feel like living up to those expectations.

My job allows me to work wherever my laptop and cell phone are able to be connected. The world wide web is an amazing thing. But, working from a home office can get lonely and it does not help my depression at times.

When I was going through some very dark roads after my father died this past fall, my depression was eating my lunch. Working from home was not going well. I truly felt as if my life was falling apart. My husband (the Music Minister at our church) moved my office to his choir room. It truly saved my life. Being around people and having to physically go in to work helped to put me back on track. I am an "honorary staff member". They are wonderful folks.

Today has just been a great Monday. Work has been good, I've been extremely productive my family is together (in our one room apartment until we head home Friday..Woo Hoo!) and the sun is shining.

What can I say, God is Good All the Time!

Being Thankful.....

Yesterday was not a good day. The day before, we traveled from Deming to Denver and arrived at 11:30 pm Sunday night. I decided to bring the boys up to Denver while my husband takes his summer classes at Iliff.

We are in a one room efficiency apartment....the toilet overflowed three times.....I was exhausted and had a conference call at 8 am .......I was not a happy camper.

Needless to say, I was in a very bad mood. I was already trying to decide when me and the boys would be heading back home. I know I stressed my husband out and I really felt bad, but I was miserable! Why did I decide to load up and come for two weeks (of course, it was my idea)?

God helped me to see how selfish I was being. I wanted to pack up and come so we would all be together. I am blessed with a job that allows me to work wherever my laptop and cell phone work, so why not keep the family together?

My husband and I are best friends. We don't do well when the other is away. I mean, we handle the duties of mom/dad fine when the other is gone, but we are so connected. We are truly complete together (I know, that's a bit codependent...but we're close).

Today was a much better day. I was more productive with work, was able to stock the kitchen, went for a walk before the kids were up and just had a better attitude.

We're staying. I am living the saying "Home is where your heart is" because I am with all my guys. It doesn't matter how many rooms you have (or if you have cable) it's all about being together and showing love for each other.

"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

What a Weekend!

I have been so amazingly blessed. I attended the "She Speaks" conference, put on by Proverbs 31 Ministries, and it was a time I will never forget.

I knew without any doubt that I was led there by God. The messages given by the team of ladies from Proverbs 31 were just amazing. I have come back home with a heart overflowing with the love of Christ.

The funny thing is, I was a little down yesterday. I didn't know what was wrong with me at first, but I had experienced so many emotions throughout the weekend and was on such a high, that I came home and it all just sank in and down I went.

Today is a great day. I just had to give myself time to process the amazing things that happened to me during the weekend and my emotions just went a little crazy.

I think one of the greatest things I came home with is knowing that Lysa, Renee, and all the other speakers are just like me, trying to get through the next thing to do with our children, spouses, homes and life. These ladies became so real to me. They do amazing things with the power of the Holy Spirit. I have been reminded that I, too, can "do all things through Christ who gives me strength." Philippians 4:13

His Hooks Are In Me

I woke up not feeling right. Physically. I got the boys up and went to church, but I couldn't concentrate in Sunday School. I was coming down with a fever and just started to feel awful. Not today! It's Father's Day! I had plans on making a great dinner and dessert for my husband, but it just didn't happen.

I slept and my husband brought me soup and made dinner for the boys.

Today was also the day I was going to spend a good deal of time finishing my presentations for "She Speaks."

Well, Satan has just gotten hold of me good today. I feel like he put his meat hooks in me and I have doubted myself all day. I have been so busy traveling with work that I haven't had time to devote to my presentations. Maybe I shouldn't be going....am I going to be ready...will I make a fool of myself?

My friend pointed it out to me that Satan just saw an easy target in me today. It still makes it hard to ignore him and do what God has intended. But I know for a fact, that I can withstand anything the devil will bring on.

Those of you out there who are are doubting, don't forget The One who loves you and believes in you. Don't listen to Satan. Tell him "Get gone, Devil! I don't have time for you!" We need to always be strong in Christ! Don't doubt the plans the Lord has for you.

What It's All About

I had one of those moments this past weekend.

My sons and I joined my husband on his weekly journey to Denver for his seminary classes. Since it was the last week of the quarter, we joined him to see where he actually went every week and just spend time together on the road.

On our way home, we stopped off to spend the day in Colorado Springs. It is just a beautiful place. If you have never been to Colorado, you must go just to see the mountains and smell the air. I've heard it referred to as "God's Country" and you can truly see why.

There is a place called the North Pole, also known as Santa Claus Land at the base of Pikes Peak. It is a must for every family to visit. Kid friendly, clean fun. There are rides for the little ones and the entire family. You can go to Santa's House and pay a visit (and take a picture for a nominal fee), send your mail and have it stamped "North Pole, Colorado", and shop until your hearts content. The train ride was a huge hit for my two year old. As we walked throughout the park, just having a fantastic time, I felt God just squeeze my heart and tell me, "This is what it's all about."

God has blessed me with two beautiful sons. They are perfect in every way. Many would think me crazy to say that since they both have hemophilia, but I know that God never makes mistakes. What these two boys have brought to my life is so tremendous, I can't begin to put it into words.

"Thank you, Father God, for pouring blessings over me by entrusting me with the lives of these two beautiful boys."